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Old 04-08-2014, 04:17 PM   #7681
PieMan597
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In Egypt, is it legal to marry a widow's husband?
Spoiler:
You would want to marry a dead person?
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Old 04-10-2014, 01:08 AM   #7682
Stitchawl
Opsimath
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When I was 13, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend with big boobs.

When I was 16, I got a girlfriend with big tits, but there was no passion,
so I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.

When I was 18 and in college, I dated a passionate girl, but she was too
emotional. Everything was an emergency. She was a drama queen, cried all the
time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability.

When I was 21, I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was
totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so
dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.

When I was 28, I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her.
She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did
mad, impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great
fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a
girl with some real ambition.

When I turned 35, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted
firmly on the ground, so I married her. She was so ambitious that she
divorced me and took everything I owned.

I am older and wiser now, and I am looking for a girl with big boobs.


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Old 04-10-2014, 05:53 AM   #7683
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^ the circle of life
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Old 04-10-2014, 05:53 AM   #7684
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My entire English group signed their work 'Adam' earlier.

It was then that I realised none of them had fully understood what I meant when I told them to write a story in first person.
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Old 04-10-2014, 01:58 PM   #7685
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PieMan597 View Post
In Egypt, is it legal to marry a widow's husband?
Spoiler:
You would want to marry a dead person?
It is:
Spoiler:
when the widow from a first marriage gets remarried, then dies. if you are a women you can then marry the second husband
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Old 04-10-2014, 02:00 PM   #7686
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AARG! You got me!
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Old 04-11-2014, 04:02 PM   #7687
PoP
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Math, THE Universal Language.

There are three cats in a race across the English channel: An English cat named One Two Three, a German cat named Eins Zwei Drei, and a French cat named Un Deux Trois.

The English and German cats finish and get their awards, but the French cat never shows up. Why is that?

Because Un Deux Trois cat sank.
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Old 04-13-2014, 08:06 PM   #7688
PieMan597
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PIRATES!!!

Once apon a time, there was a very notorious pirate. He would win in battle every time. One day on the open sea, the watchman reported to the captan, "Sir, there is an enemy ship coming our way!"
The captan replied, "Bring me my red fighting shirt!"
They won the battle.

The next day, the watchman spotted another ship, so he alerted the captan. The captan replied, "Bring me my red fighting shirt!"
They won that day.

The watchman saw another ship on the horizon, so he alerted the captan. As usual, he replied, "Bring me my red fighting shirt!"
This time, the watchman asked, "Why a red fighting shirt?"
The captan repled that it was so he didn't look weak.
They won that battle.

The next day, the watchman saw a whole armada of enemy warships on the horizon, and so he alerted the captan.
The captan replied, "Bring me my brown fighting pants!"
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Old 04-13-2014, 08:20 PM   #7689
yvanleterrible
When books can fly!
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Had I known this 50 years ago I would have chosen wiser...
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Old 04-13-2014, 08:27 PM   #7690
cromag
Surfing the alpha waves ~
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Had I known this 50 years ago I would have chosen wiser...
I'd name it "Password."
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Old 04-14-2014, 10:02 AM   #7691
pilotbob
Grand Sorcerer
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I'd name it "Password."
I would name it "Strong Password".
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Old 04-14-2014, 10:47 AM   #7692
steven522
binomial: homo legentem
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Originally Posted by PieMan597 View Post
This time, the watchman asked, "Why a red fighting shirt?"
The captan repled that it was so he didn't look weak.
They won that battle.
The brown pants works better if the reason behind the red shirt is:

"If I get wounded in battle the blood does not show up through the red shirt. If the enemy does not know I am wounded they will not know I am weakened."
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Old 04-15-2014, 06:52 AM   #7693
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"Yeah, right!"

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative." "However," he added, "there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."
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Old 04-15-2014, 07:01 AM   #7694
doubleshuffle
Oi, Artistic License!
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^ I ain't never been no good with logic jokes, but I don't half not get that one, oh no.




EDIT: I think now I got it. It's about the joke's title. Ok ok ok... But does sarcasm count? It's only a negative with the correct intonation, isn't it? And the linguist in the joke is of course only right about the double negatives if he ignores loads of non-standard Englishes...

Last edited by doubleshuffle; 04-15-2014 at 07:06 AM.
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Old 04-15-2014, 07:12 AM   #7695
PoP
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^ I don't disagree with your edit +1

Last edited by PoP; 04-18-2014 at 11:23 AM. Reason: googled a reference
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