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Old 02-19-2014, 06:25 PM   #7546
Fbone
Is that a sandwich?
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Give him a mulligan.

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Old 02-20-2014, 08:29 PM   #7547
gridlewak
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What is Resurrection?

While the priest was presenting a children's sermon. He asked the children if they knew what the Resurrection was.

Now, asking questions during children's sermons is crucial, but at the same time, asking children questions in front of a congregation can also be very dangerous.

In response to the question, a little boy raised his hand.

The priest called on him and the boy said, "I know that if you have a resurrection that lasts more than four hours you are supposed to call the doctor."

It took ten minutes for the congregation to settle down enough for the service to continue.
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Old 02-21-2014, 12:07 AM   #7548
Fbone
Is that a sandwich?
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Old 02-21-2014, 07:03 AM   #7549
yvanleterrible
When books can fly!
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Whack!!!

Is that view from an Australian perspective?
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Old 02-21-2014, 12:15 PM   #7550
WT Sharpe
Grand Muckity-Muck
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Whack!!! ...
Shouldn't that be Quack!!! Name:  duck_icon.png
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Old 02-21-2014, 12:40 PM   #7551
MJK2111
FUBAR!
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How do you make a handkerchief dance?

Spoiler:
Blow a little boogie in it...
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Old 02-21-2014, 03:40 PM   #7552
badgoodDeb
Wizard
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How do you make a handkerchief dance?

Spoiler:
Blow a little boogie in it...
On this note: a waiter on my recent cruise showed a very interesting parlor trick. Take a paper napkin, perhaps draw a spider face on it (not necessary, in my opinion). Press the napkin down around an ordinary apple, so that the apple is covered, but the napkin is not underneath at any point.

Now roll the result across the table. It looks very eerie, and alive .... and moves quite erratically due to the uneven roll of the apple. People wonder what it is that's coming at them. Small shrieks, etc. Very neat!
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Old 02-23-2014, 01:24 PM   #7553
WT Sharpe
Grand Muckity-Muck
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I need a dog like that.
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Old 02-23-2014, 02:29 PM   #7554
PoP
Antonín ♯♭♪♮♫ ᵖʸᶠᵍᶜʳˡ
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Three Blondes are walking in a forest, when all of a sudden, they come across a set of tracks.

The first blonde says: "Those must be deer tracks!"

The second one says: "Nah, they're fox tracks!"

The third one says: "You're both wrong, they're moose tracks!"

They were still arguing when the train hit them.
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Old 02-23-2014, 06:49 PM   #7555
Fbone
Is that a sandwich?
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A surefire way to get a man to propose.

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Old 02-23-2014, 07:22 PM   #7556
orlok
Getting back into it
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The mother-in-law dropped in after shopping to find her son-in-law boiling angry and hurriedly packing his suitcase.

"What happened?" she asked anxiously.

"What happened? I'll tell you what happened. I sent an email to my wife --- your daughter --- telling her I was coming home a day early from my fishing trip. I got home ...and guess what I found? Your daughter, Jean, in bed with a naked guy! This is unforgivable, the end of our marriage. I'm done. I'm leaving forever!"

"Calm down, calm down!" said his mother-in-law. "There's something very odd about that. Jean would never do such a thing. There must be a simple explanation. I'll go speak to her and find out what happened."

A few minutes later, the mother-in-law came back with a big smile and said, "I told you there must be a simple explanation --- she didn't receive your email."
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Old 02-23-2014, 07:43 PM   #7557
pilotbob
Grand Sorcerer
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A surefire way to get a man to propose.

I'll just spend $505 and get the Xbox one and a cracker jack box.
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Old 02-23-2014, 08:05 PM   #7558
Bookpossum
Snoozing in the sun
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I think a ¾ carat diamond might cost a wee bit more than $505!
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Old 02-23-2014, 10:32 PM   #7559
cromag
Surfing the alpha waves ~
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Especially over the long term!
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Old 02-24-2014, 11:48 AM   #7560
pilotbob
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I think a ¾ carat diamond might cost a wee bit more than $505!
Right, that was exactly my point. If I want an XBox One, buy it out right is a better deal than paying for some stupid rock. (Hence the money for the cracker jack's box, which would possible include a ring.)
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