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Old 02-19-2013, 07:14 PM   #6106
troll05
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Originally Posted by orlok View Post
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful. CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful.

CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind?

Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him. "What the hell is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."
How come you know my wife???
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Old 02-19-2013, 07:52 PM   #6107
wannabee
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An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.

After, Sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, “Hey, wanna hear a blonde joke?”

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, “ before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, Given that you are blind, that you should know five things.

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with woman with a baseball bat.

2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.

3. I’m a 6 – foot tall, 175 – pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.

5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy. Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, “No…not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.”
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Old 02-20-2013, 06:27 AM   #6108
WT Sharpe
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Originally Posted by Fbone View Post
Animals may be our friends. But they won’t pick you up at the airport.
Not to mention that I've never known anyone who's picked me up at the airport to come in my room and pee on my pillow.

Last edited by WT Sharpe; 02-20-2013 at 06:35 AM.
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Old 02-20-2013, 06:30 AM   #6109
WT Sharpe
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Is it ironic that Pavlov won a Nobel Prize?
Took a minute, but then it rang a bell with me.
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Old 02-20-2013, 06:51 AM   #6110
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Originally Posted by WT Sharpe View Post
Took a minute, but then it rang a bell with me.
In fact, I didn't get it until your post .
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Old 02-20-2013, 08:04 AM   #6111
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Quote:
Originally Posted by orlok View Post
In fact, I didn't get it until your post .
+1 here
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Old 02-20-2013, 08:46 AM   #6112
Stitchawl
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We should form a special club... And make Tom the president so we can all understand what's happening!

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Old 02-20-2013, 09:07 AM   #6113
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Originally Posted by orlok View Post
In fact, I didn't get it until your post .
Me too!
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Old 02-20-2013, 10:31 AM   #6114
Stitchawl
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Maybe we could ask Steven522 to add explanations in spoilers when he posts for those of us who are 'challenged.' Once we understand them, they really are pretty good! LOL!


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Old 02-20-2013, 10:56 AM   #6115
samhy
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In fact, I didn't get it until your post .
+1
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Old 02-20-2013, 11:52 AM   #6116
Freeshadow
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We should form a special club...

Stitchawl
Nope. When you start forming special clubs, people having them will believe they are batter,and 'll stick together.
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Old 02-20-2013, 01:10 PM   #6117
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I'm in my own special club.
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Old 02-20-2013, 01:27 PM   #6118
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In fact, I didn't get it until your post .
Another +1
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Old 02-20-2013, 01:44 PM   #6119
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In fact, I didn't get it until your post .
I still don't get it. I'm having one of my dumb days
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Old 02-20-2013, 02:00 PM   #6120
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I still don't get it. I'm having one of my dumb days
Pavlov, who trained dogs with bells, got a No-Bell prize. I didn't get it until the "bell" part was mentioned by WTSharpe. I only remembered the dogs, not the bells.
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