Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 402

Bookpossum · 02-05-2013, 07:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by issybird

Alas, poor Richard. I hope he is buried with more dignity this time round.

orlok · 02-05-2013, 01:22 PM

Leicester City Car parks would like to apologise for any inconvenience caused whilst we are running a skeleton service.

Fbone · 02-05-2013, 02:44 PM

“I’m sure wherever my father is, he’s looking down on us. He’s not dead, just very condescending.”

PeterT · 02-05-2013, 03:53 PM

I changed my iPod name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

I tried to catch some fog. I mist.

When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognised me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words .

They told me I had type A blood, but it was a type-O.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra .

PMS jokes aren't funny, period.

Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory-- I hope there's no pop quiz.

The Energizer bunny arrested and charged with battery.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!

Broken pencils are pointless.

What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York 's police stations have been stolen. Police have
nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

Velcro - what a rip off!

Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.

Venison for dinner? Oh deer!

Earthquake in Washington obviously government's fault.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.

Stitchawl · 02-05-2013, 07:17 PM

She was only the stable owner's daughter, but all the horsemanure.

Stitchawl

Bookpossum · 02-05-2013, 07:19 PM

Now look what you have started, Peter!

Freeshadow · 02-05-2013, 08:22 PM

Well he has a puny bone obviously

PeterT · 02-05-2013, 10:47 PM

I'm sorry

I didn't mean to cause trouble! Honestly!!

orlok · 02-06-2013, 03:40 AM

Wife: "What are you doing?"

Husband: "Nothing."

Wife: "Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour."

Husband: "I was looking for the expiration date."

steven522 · 02-06-2013, 08:37 AM

An impatient man was arrested by the police yesterday because he threw his container of Morton's Iodized and his 4 pack of Duracell D's at the woman in front of him because she had fourteen items in her basket at the ten-items-or-less checkout.

He was charged with a salt and batteries.

wodin · 02-06-2013, 12:39 PM

And on the eighth day God looked down on his planned paradise and said, “I need someone who can flip this for a quick buck.”

So God made a banker.

steven522 · 02-06-2013, 01:22 PM

Did you hear about the robot whose power source allowed him to run for days off of a box of plain square crackers?

That's right...

He was charged with a saltine battery.

WT Sharpe · 02-06-2013, 05:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by steven522

Did you hear about the robot whose power source allowed him to run for days off of a box of plain square crackers?

That's right...

He was charged with a saltine battery.

Ajax · 02-06-2013, 08:05 PM

Two atoms are walking down the street together.

The first atom turns and says, "Hey, you just stole an electron from me!"

"Are you sure?" asks the second atom.

To which the first atom replies, "Yeah, I'm positive!"

Fbone · 02-06-2013, 09:54 PM

“A hotel minibar allows you to see into the future and find out what a can of Pepsi will cost in 2030.”

02-05-2013, 03:53 PM	#6019
PeterT Taking a break; Fed up Posts: 4,438 Karma: 32635230 Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Toronto Device: Wife: Touch, Arc, Vox Me: Nexus 7, Glo	I changed my iPod name to Titanic. It's syncing now. I tried to catch some fog. I mist. When chemists die, they barium. Jokes about German sausage are the wurst. A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran. I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time. How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it. I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me. This girl said she recognised me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down. I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words . They told me I had type A blood, but it was a type-O. A dyslexic man walks into a bra . PMS jokes aren't funny, period. Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations. Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory-- I hope there's no pop quiz. The Energizer bunny arrested and charged with battery. I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me. Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils? When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble. What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds. I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me! Broken pencils are pointless. What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus. England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool . I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest. I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx. All the toilets in New York 's police stations have been stolen. Police have nothing to go on. I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough. Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes. Velcro - what a rip off! Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy. Venison for dinner? Oh deer! Earthquake in Washington obviously government's fault. I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure. __________________ Peter

02-05-2013, 07:19 PM	#6021
Bookpossum Snoozing in the sun Posts: 5,208 Karma: 65742439 Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Melbourne, Australia Device: Kobo Touch (mine), Sony PRS-T1 (husband's)	Now look what you have started, Peter! __________________ Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose. (Garrison Keillor)

02-05-2013, 08:22 PM	#6022
Freeshadow temp. out of service Posts: 1,984 Karma: 10590862 Join Date: May 2010 Location: Duisburg (DE) Device: BeBook mini	Well he has a puny bone obviously __________________ The reason for having edited one of my posts is a typo unless explicitly stated otherwise. As I am not a native (english) speaker feel free to correct my usage of idioms and expressions, as improvement in eloquence is taken as a gift.

02-05-2013, 10:47 PM	#6023
PeterT Taking a break; Fed up Posts: 4,438 Karma: 32635230 Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Toronto Device: Wife: Touch, Arc, Vox Me: Nexus 7, Glo	I'm sorry I didn't mean to cause trouble! Honestly!! __________________ Peter

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02-05-2013, 01:22 PM	#6017
orlok Desperation Posts: 7,216 Karma: 208692942 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Fire HD, Kobo glo	Leicester City Car parks would like to apologise for any inconvenience caused whilst we are running a skeleton service.

02-05-2013, 02:44 PM	#6018
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 4,212 Karma: 59108411 Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: NJ Device: Searching ...	“I’m sure wherever my father is, he’s looking down on us. He’s not dead, just very condescending.”

02-05-2013, 07:17 PM	#6020
Stitchawl Opsimath Posts: 9,539 Karma: 147232771 Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Chiang Mai, Northern Thailand Device: Sony 505, Sony PRS-650, iPhone 5, Kobo Glo, Sony PRS-350	She was only the stable owner's daughter, but all the horsemanure. Stitchawl

02-06-2013, 03:40 AM	#6024
orlok Desperation Posts: 7,216 Karma: 208692942 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Fire HD, Kobo glo	Wife: "What are you doing?" Husband: "Nothing." Wife: "Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour." Husband: "I was looking for the expiration date."

02-06-2013, 08:37 AM	#6025
steven522 binomial: homo legentem Posts: 805 Karma: 15917206 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Alabama, USA Device: iriver Story HD; Archos 80 G9	An impatient man was arrested by the police yesterday because he threw his container of Morton's Iodized and his 4 pack of Duracell D's at the woman in front of him because she had fourteen items in her basket at the ten-items-or-less checkout. He was charged with a salt and batteries.

02-06-2013, 01:22 PM	#6027
steven522 binomial: homo legentem Posts: 805 Karma: 15917206 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Alabama, USA Device: iriver Story HD; Archos 80 G9	Did you hear about the robot whose power source allowed him to run for days off of a box of plain square crackers? That's right... He was charged with a saltine battery.

02-06-2013, 08:05 PM	#6029
Ajax Addict Posts: 382 Karma: 17083352 Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Texas Device: K4 Touch, Kindle Fire, HP Touchpad	Two atoms are walking down the street together. The first atom turns and says, "Hey, you just stole an electron from me!" "Are you sure?" asks the second atom. To which the first atom replies, "Yeah, I'm positive!"

02-06-2013, 09:54 PM	#6030
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 4,212 Karma: 59108411 Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: NJ Device: Searching ...	“A hotel minibar allows you to see into the future and find out what a can of Pepsi will cost in 2030.”

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