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Old 02-05-2013, 07:15 AM   #6016
Bookpossum
Snoozing in the sun
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Alas, poor Richard. I hope he is buried with more dignity this time round.
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Old 02-05-2013, 01:22 PM   #6017
orlok
Getting back into it
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Leicester City Car parks would like to apologise for any inconvenience caused whilst we are running a skeleton service.
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Old 02-05-2013, 02:44 PM   #6018
Fbone
Is that a sandwich?
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“I’m sure wherever my father is, he’s looking down on us. He’s not dead, just very condescending.”
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Old 02-05-2013, 03:53 PM   #6019
PeterT
Taking a break; Fed up
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I changed my iPod name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

I tried to catch some fog. I mist.

When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognised me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words .

They told me I had type A blood, but it was a type-O.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra .

PMS jokes aren't funny, period.

Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory-- I hope there's no pop quiz.

The Energizer bunny arrested and charged with battery.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!

Broken pencils are pointless.

What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York 's police stations have been stolen. Police have
nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

Velcro - what a rip off!

Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.

Venison for dinner? Oh deer!

Earthquake in Washington obviously government's fault.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.
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Old 02-05-2013, 07:17 PM   #6020
Stitchawl
Opsimath
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She was only the stable owner's daughter, but all the horsemanure.


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Old 02-05-2013, 07:19 PM   #6021
Bookpossum
Snoozing in the sun
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Now look what you have started, Peter!
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Old 02-05-2013, 08:22 PM   #6022
Freeshadow
temp. out of service
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Well he has a puny bone obviously
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Old 02-05-2013, 10:47 PM   #6023
PeterT
Taking a break; Fed up
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I'm sorry I didn't mean to cause trouble! Honestly!!
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Old 02-06-2013, 03:40 AM   #6024
orlok
Getting back into it
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Wife: "What are you doing?"

Husband: "Nothing."

Wife: "Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour."

Husband: "I was looking for the expiration date."
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Old 02-06-2013, 08:37 AM   #6025
steven522
binomial: homo legentem
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An impatient man was arrested by the police yesterday because he threw his container of Morton's Iodized and his 4 pack of Duracell D's at the woman in front of him because she had fourteen items in her basket at the ten-items-or-less checkout.

He was charged with a salt and batteries.
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Old 02-06-2013, 12:39 PM   #6026
wodin
Illiterate
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And on the eighth day God looked down on his planned paradise and said, “I need someone who can flip this for a quick buck.”

So God made a banker.
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Old 02-06-2013, 01:22 PM   #6027
steven522
binomial: homo legentem
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Did you hear about the robot whose power source allowed him to run for days off of a box of plain square crackers?

That's right...

He was charged with a saltine battery.
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Old 02-06-2013, 05:29 PM   #6028
WT Sharpe
Grand Muckity-Muck
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Quote:
Originally Posted by steven522 View Post
Did you hear about the robot whose power source allowed him to run for days off of a box of plain square crackers?

That's right...

He was charged with a saltine battery.
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Old 02-06-2013, 08:05 PM   #6029
Ajax
Addict
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Two atoms are walking down the street together.

The first atom turns and says, "Hey, you just stole an electron from me!"

"Are you sure?" asks the second atom.

To which the first atom replies, "Yeah, I'm positive!"
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Old 02-06-2013, 09:54 PM   #6030
Fbone
Is that a sandwich?
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“A hotel minibar allows you to see into the future and find out what a can of Pepsi will cost in 2030.”
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