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Old 01-08-2009, 03:04 PM   #46
ShortNCuddlyAm
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Originally Posted by rebarnmom View Post

This is done by the chip monks.
:groans:
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Old 01-08-2009, 03:06 PM   #47
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Three old guys are out walking.
First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?'
Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!'
Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer.'
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Old 01-08-2009, 03:41 PM   #48
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Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember. Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.
'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.
'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
'Sure.'
'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.
'No, I can remember it.'
'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top too. Maybe you should write it down, so's not to forget it?'
He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'
'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks.
Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes,
The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment.
'Where's my toast ?'

This could be me real soon! My dad (who didn't need it) just gave me a little message recorder, so I could give myself little reminders, before they immediately vanish from thought. It's really cool! Problem is, I can't remember to bring it with me! It needs a cord so I can hang it around my neck, (with my reading glasses). Next thing you know I'll need that thingy that helps you when have to say "I've fallen and I can't get up"!
I'm only 47, THIS SHOULDN'T BE HAPPENING!
Do you think Sony could build those features into their next reader? The large font sizes cover the reading glasses issue.

Last edited by rebarnmom; 01-08-2009 at 03:47 PM. Reason: Font too small to read!!!
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Old 01-08-2009, 03:53 PM   #49
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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/World%27s_funniest_joke

I found the second funniest much more hilarious.
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Old 01-08-2009, 04:25 PM   #50
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On a side note, last night we watched the movie "The Pink Panther Strikes Again" What a classic! I can't remember giggling and laughing so much in a long time. Listening to my husband give the play-by-play to what would happen next (normally not appreciated when watching a movie) to my daughter, seeing it for the first time made it all the more fun. I actually caught myself doing it too!

Laughter is the best medicine!
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Old 01-08-2009, 04:46 PM   #51
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oh i LOVE the pink panther movies !!!! peter sellers is GENIUS !!!!
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Old 01-08-2009, 05:58 PM   #52
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AUSSIE LIFESAVER.

A woman sitting in a Bondi restaurant suddenly began to cough.After a few seconds it became apparent that she was in real distress,and two locals, Kenzie and Bruce sitting at the next table turned to look at her.

'Kin ya swaller?' asked Kenzie.

The woman signalled 'No!' desperately shaking her head.

'Kin ya breathe?' asked Brian.

The woman shook her head 'No!!!'

With that, Kenzie walked behind her, lifted up the back of her dress,yanked down her knickers and ran his tongue up and down her bum.

This shocked the woman into such a violent spasm that the obstruction flew out of her mouth and she began to breathe again.

Kenzie swaggered back to his table and took a deep swig of his beer.

Bruce said in admiration, 'Ya know Kenzie, I'd heard of that bloody Hind Lick Manoeuvre, but that's the first time I ever seen anybody do it'
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Old 01-08-2009, 07:03 PM   #53
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Old 01-08-2009, 08:53 PM   #54
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Enjoying the show....
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Oh my God, Nohmi that joke was so............unusual!

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Old 01-09-2009, 01:18 AM   #55
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Quote:
Originally Posted by desertgrandma View Post
Oh my God, Nohmi that joke was so............unusual!

Yep.........and naughty!!!
But then, me be unusual.
I am sure that you have heard a lot of 'unusual' jokes in your time.

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Old 01-09-2009, 04:32 AM   #56
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A woman goes to a pet shop, wanting to buy a parrot.
- How much is this one? - she asks.
- It's 500$. He talks perfect english, ma'am.
- It's a little bit expensive. How about this one?
- This one costs 750$. He talks perfect english, french and understands spanish.
- Impressive! But its way out of my budget. How about that one?
- That one costs 2000$.
- Wow! What can he do?
- Nothing, but the others call him "boss".
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Old 01-09-2009, 06:29 AM   #57
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Lightbulb

A few lightbulbs...

- How many Mac users does it take to change a lightbulb?
- None, iLightbulb is included with OS/X, it's always switched on and you cannot change it.

- How many Windows users does it take to screw in a Lightbulb?
- None, everything is screwed up out-of-the-box.

- How many Linux users does it take to change a lightbulb?
- One, if he finds the Lightbulb distro that fits the hole...

- How many iLiad users does it take to change a lightbulb?
- I Don't know. We're just waiting Adam B. to do the porting...

- How many iPhone users does it take to change a lightbulb?
- Sorry. Our DRM does not permit to change lightbulbs. You've got to buy a new house, register it via iTunes, and download your new bulb from App Store.

- How many Sony PRS users does it take to change a lightbulb?
- One: kovidgoyal. From now on, a calibre plugin will do it.

- How many Kindle users does it take to change a lightbulb?
- None. Amazon does not sell lightbulbs. But users can have illumination from Whispernet for 1$/lumen.

- How many pirates does it take to change a lightbulb?
- 1001: one to buy the lightbulb, duplicate and upload it; the others to seed it to make the torrent faster.

- How many writers does it take to change a lightbulb?
- 11: one to change it, the others to discuss about how Hemingway or Proust would have done it.

- How many publishers does it take to change a lightbulb?
- One, the first who get the copyright. And for 98 years after the new bulb dies, nobody else can do it.

- How many Zelda Pinwheel does it take to change a lightbulb?
- None. Vivaldirules does it for her...

- How many MR members does it take to change a lightbulb?
- 3: one to complain for the price of e-lightbulbs compared to paper; one to complain about the DRM in them, and one to actually change the lightbulb with a PD one and publish it in the forum.




Please, add your lightbulb jokes, if you want.
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Old 01-09-2009, 09:15 AM   #58
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A few lightbulbs....

MR lightbulb jokes, gotta luv em. Great post Format C:.
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Old 01-09-2009, 09:33 AM   #59
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A few lightbulbs...
brilliant !!!

i love lightbulb jokes ! but i've not invented any that hilarious.



- how many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
just one, but the lightbulb really has to want to change.

- how many developpers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
pfff. that's a hardware problem.

- How many existentialists does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change the lightbulb and one to observe how the lightbulb symbolizes an incandescent beacon of subjectivity in a netherworld of Cosmic Nothingness.

- how many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
fish.
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Old 01-09-2009, 09:39 AM   #60
desertgrandma
Enjoying the show....
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brilliant !!!

- how many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
fish.



I am so easy to tickle!!
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