Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 389

Fbone · 12-26-2012, 05:35 PM

A software engineer, hardware engineer and company division manager were on their way to a meeting in Switzerland. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes failed. The car careened out of control, bouncing off guard rails until it ground to a halt along the mountainside. The occupants were unhurt, but stuck halfway down the mountain in a car with no brakes.

“I know,” said the manager. “Let’s have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and through a process of continuous improvement, find a solution to the Critical Problems, and we’ll be on our way.”

“No,” said the hardware engineer. “I’ve got my Swiss army knife with me. I can strip down the car’s braking system, isolate the fault, fix it, and we’ll be on our way.”

“Wait,” said the software engineer. “Before we do anything, shouldn’t we push the car back to the top of the mountain and see if it happens again?”

orlok · 12-26-2012, 05:57 PM

I got an Amazon voucher for Christmas.

I've ordered two piranha fish and a pygmy.

Freeshadow · 12-26-2012, 07:40 PM

You'll have to pay additional shipping, the pygmies are imported from Africa, it's no amazon stuff. They fooled you with black Friday sales ;p

steven522 · 12-27-2012, 07:43 AM

There are a couple of pygmy tribes along the Amazon, so Orlok should be good.

You getting a Baka or a Mbuti?

yvanleterrible · 12-27-2012, 09:33 AM

The Amazon is nowhere near Africa. This globalization thing is getting way out of hand...so to speak...

Fbone · 12-27-2012, 02:50 PM

A man is sitting in the coach section of a flight from New York to Chicago, biting his fingernails and sweating profusely. Noticing his disturbed expression, a flight attendant walks over and says, “Sir, can I get you something from the bar to calm you down?”

The man gives a nod of approval while shaking terribly. Seconds later she comes back with a drink. He downs it quickly and seems to calm down.

Ten minutes later, the flight attendant sees him shaking and biting his nails again. She brings him another drink which he downs immediately. A half hour later she returns to see him shaking uncontrollably, and almost in tears.

“My goodness,” the flight attendant says, “I’ve never seen someone so afraid to fly.”

“I’m not afraid of flying,” says the man.

“Then what’s the matter?

“I’m trying to give up drinking.”

wannabee · 12-27-2012, 10:56 PM

Four guys sitting around having drinks and one of the men had to use the restroom. The three others talk about their kids.
The first guy said, "My son is my pride and joy, he started working in the company at the bottom. He studied business and began to climb the corporate ladder, became president of the company. He's so rich he gave his best friend a top of the line mercedes for Christmas."
The second guy said, "Damn, thats terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, went to flight school to become a pilot. He became a partner and now owns the majority of its assets. He is so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet as a christmas gift!"
The third man said. "Well thats terrific! my son studied in the best universities and became an engineer, started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave an expensive Christmas gift to his best friend, a 30,000 square foot mansion!"
The three guys congratulate each other just as the forth guy returned from the restroom and he asked what they are congratulating each other for?
One of the three says, "We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. What about your son, what does he do?"
The forth guy replies, "My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub."
The three friends say, "Thats a shame...what a disappointment."
The fourth man replied. "Nah, I'm not ashamed he's my son and I love him..and he hasn't done too bad for himself either. Why, just this Christmas alone he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line mercedes from his 3 boyfriends."

Fbone · 12-28-2012, 02:05 PM

The good news about middle age is that the glass is still half-full… of course, the bad news is that it won’t be long before your teeth are floating in it.

issybird · 12-29-2012, 12:04 PM

WT Sharpe · 12-29-2012, 12:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by issybird

Amen.

Fbone · 12-29-2012, 06:43 PM

A man observed a sign in the window of a restaurant that read “Unique Breakfast” so he walked in and sat down. The waitress brought him his coffee and asked him what he wanted.

“What’s your ‘Unique Breakfast?’” he asked.

“Baked tongue of chicken,” she replied.

“Baked tongue of chicken?… Do you have any idea how disgusting that is? I would never even consider eating anything that came out of a chicken’s mouth!” he fumed.

Undaunted, the waitress asked, “What would you like then?”

“Just bring me scrambled eggs,” the man replied.

yvanleterrible · 12-30-2012, 07:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by issybird

Quote:

Originally Posted by WT Sharpe

Amen.

Especially expressions brought into English from other languages where words are tortured so much as to be unrecognizable...

orlok · 12-30-2012, 07:45 AM

^ One of my most embarrassing examples of this was my pronounciation of "Echinacea" when I tried to ask for it in a health-food shop. I said it as it looks, and it took a while for the assistant to work out what I wanted was "Ek-in-aisha"

.

Stitchawl · 12-30-2012, 07:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by orlok

^ One of my most embarrassing examples of this was my pronounciation of "Echinacea" when I tried to ask for it in a health-food shop. I said it as it looks, and it took a while for the assistant to work out what I wanted was "Ek-in-aisha"

.

High School French class, 1963... had to read last night's home work assignment aloud to the class... about French history and the role played by
"Vercingetorix." Try that one aloud when you didn't pre-read it the night before as we were suppose to... and do so 'smoothly' so the teacher won't realize I didn't do my homework...

Stitchawl

poohbear_nc · 12-30-2012, 02:14 PM

I fell flat on dingy (dark & dusty) and dingy (small boat) - I first encountered it whilst reading Treasure Island - and promptly read it aloud with a hard G until corrected in front of all my classmates by a sadistic teacher who reveled in public humiliation as a teaching strategy.

[and it worked! I've never forgotten that moment in my elementary school education!]

12-26-2012, 07:40 PM	#5823
Freeshadow temp. out of service Posts: 1,985 Karma: 10590862 Join Date: May 2010 Location: Duisburg (DE) Device: BeBook mini	You'll have to pay additional shipping, the pygmies are imported from Africa, it's no amazon stuff. They fooled you with black Friday sales ;p __________________ The reason for having edited one of my posts is a typo unless explicitly stated otherwise. As I am not a native (english) speaker feel free to correct my usage of idioms and expressions, as improvement in eloquence is taken as a gift.

12-27-2012, 10:56 PM	#5827
wannabee Professional Amateur Posts: 2,235 Karma: 107023581 Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: NSW - Australia Device: a bag of apples	Four guys sitting around having drinks and one of the men had to use the restroom. The three others talk about their kids. The first guy said, "My son is my pride and joy, he started working in the company at the bottom. He studied business and began to climb the corporate ladder, became president of the company. He's so rich he gave his best friend a top of the line mercedes for Christmas." The second guy said, "Damn, thats terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, went to flight school to become a pilot. He became a partner and now owns the majority of its assets. He is so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet as a christmas gift!" The third man said. "Well thats terrific! my son studied in the best universities and became an engineer, started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave an expensive Christmas gift to his best friend, a 30,000 square foot mansion!" The three guys congratulate each other just as the forth guy returned from the restroom and he asked what they are congratulating each other for? One of the three says, "We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. What about your son, what does he do?" The forth guy replies, "My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub." The three friends say, "Thats a shame...what a disappointment." The fourth man replied. "Nah, I'm not ashamed he's my son and I love him..and he hasn't done too bad for himself either. Why, just this Christmas alone he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line mercedes from his 3 boyfriends." __________________ Mark

12-30-2012, 02:14 PM	#5835
poohbear_nc Spring Chicken! Posts: 22,884 Karma: 37638902 Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Durham, NC Device: Every Kindle Ever Made & To Be Made + KoboGlo + Kobo Aura!	I fell flat on dingy (dark & dusty) and dingy (small boat) - I first encountered it whilst reading Treasure Island - and promptly read it aloud with a hard G until corrected in front of all my classmates by a sadistic teacher who reveled in public humiliation as a teaching strategy. [and it worked! I've never forgotten that moment in my elementary school education!] __________________ "If possible please provide picture of Mr. Chickens new home or field. Proof that you will not eat him would help too." (Craigslist)

Thread Tools	Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Email this Page	Search this Thread: Advanced Search

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
Good Day Eh!! :-)	Gedvondur	Introduce Yourself	12	07-22-2010 12:16 AM
Classic Is there a way to lighten the background?	rlsamson	Barnes & Noble NOOK	3	06-30-2010 04:56 PM
Add from the Mobile Read Library?	danwdoo	Calibre	6	05-01-2010 07:14 PM
Read-in-Microsoft-Reader 1.1.3 add-in released	Alexander Turcic	Reading and Management	2	02-20-2006 03:47 AM

12-26-2012, 05:35 PM	#5821
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 4,215 Karma: 59701453 Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: NJ Device: Searching ...	A software engineer, hardware engineer and company division manager were on their way to a meeting in Switzerland. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes failed. The car careened out of control, bouncing off guard rails until it ground to a halt along the mountainside. The occupants were unhurt, but stuck halfway down the mountain in a car with no brakes. “I know,” said the manager. “Let’s have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and through a process of continuous improvement, find a solution to the Critical Problems, and we’ll be on our way.” “No,” said the hardware engineer. “I’ve got my Swiss army knife with me. I can strip down the car’s braking system, isolate the fault, fix it, and we’ll be on our way.” “Wait,” said the software engineer. “Before we do anything, shouldn’t we push the car back to the top of the mountain and see if it happens again?”

12-26-2012, 05:57 PM	#5822
orlok Desperation Posts: 7,216 Karma: 208692942 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Fire HD, Kobo glo	I got an Amazon voucher for Christmas. I've ordered two piranha fish and a pygmy.

12-27-2012, 07:43 AM	#5824
steven522 binomial: homo legentem Posts: 805 Karma: 15917206 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Alabama, USA Device: iriver Story HD; Archos 80 G9	There are a couple of pygmy tribes along the Amazon, so Orlok should be good. You getting a Baka or a Mbuti?

12-27-2012, 09:33 AM	#5825
yvanleterrible When books can fly! Posts: 8,420 Karma: 3048822 Join Date: May 2006 Location: Que Nada Device: Kobo Mini in my lunchbox.	The Amazon is nowhere near Africa. This globalization thing is getting way out of hand...so to speak...

12-27-2012, 02:50 PM	#5826
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 4,215 Karma: 59701453 Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: NJ Device: Searching ...	A man is sitting in the coach section of a flight from New York to Chicago, biting his fingernails and sweating profusely. Noticing his disturbed expression, a flight attendant walks over and says, “Sir, can I get you something from the bar to calm you down?” The man gives a nod of approval while shaking terribly. Seconds later she comes back with a drink. He downs it quickly and seems to calm down. Ten minutes later, the flight attendant sees him shaking and biting his nails again. She brings him another drink which he downs immediately. A half hour later she returns to see him shaking uncontrollably, and almost in tears. “My goodness,” the flight attendant says, “I’ve never seen someone so afraid to fly.” “I’m not afraid of flying,” says the man. “Then what’s the matter? “I’m trying to give up drinking.”

12-28-2012, 02:05 PM	#5828
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 4,215 Karma: 59701453 Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: NJ Device: Searching ...	The good news about middle age is that the glass is still half-full… of course, the bad news is that it won’t be long before your teeth are floating in it.

12-29-2012, 12:04 PM	#5829
issybird o saeclum infacetum Posts: 2,146 Karma: 20655324 Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: New England Device: Touch, Nook, 350, 950, Fire

12-29-2012, 06:43 PM	#5831
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 4,215 Karma: 59701453 Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: NJ Device: Searching ...	A man observed a sign in the window of a restaurant that read “Unique Breakfast” so he walked in and sat down. The waitress brought him his coffee and asked him what he wanted. “What’s your ‘Unique Breakfast?’” he asked. “Baked tongue of chicken,” she replied. “Baked tongue of chicken?… Do you have any idea how disgusting that is? I would never even consider eating anything that came out of a chicken’s mouth!” he fumed. Undaunted, the waitress asked, “What would you like then?” “Just bring me scrambled eggs,” the man replied.

12-30-2012, 07:45 AM	#5833
orlok Desperation Posts: 7,216 Karma: 208692942 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Fire HD, Kobo glo	^ One of my most embarrassing examples of this was my pronounciation of "Echinacea" when I tried to ask for it in a health-food shop. I said it as it looks, and it took a while for the assistant to work out what I wanted was "Ek-in-aisha" .


Advertisement Enthusiast