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Old 11-23-2012, 02:29 PM   #5656
PeterT
Taking a break; Fed up
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If H2O is inside a fire hydrant, what's outside it?

Spoiler:

K9P
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Old 11-23-2012, 02:31 PM   #5657
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If H2O is inside a fire hydrant, what's outside it?

Spoiler:

K9P
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Old 11-23-2012, 07:38 PM   #5658
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Getting back into it
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This bloke walked up to the counter and said, "Burger and chips, please."

"Certainly, Sir," I replied. "Are you eating in or taking out?"

"You b*stard," he snapped, before walking off with his food.

I love working in the prison canteen.
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Old 11-23-2012, 08:31 PM   #5659
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Quote:
Originally Posted by orlok View Post
This bloke walked up to the counter and said, "Burger and chips, please."

"Certainly, Sir," I replied. "Are you eating in or taking out?"

"You b*stard," he snapped, before walking off with his food.

I love working in the prison canteen.





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Old 11-23-2012, 10:09 PM   #5660
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Wisconsin Farmer goes to the Mayo clinic in Rochester for a check-up.
The doctor is amazed at what good shape the guy is in and asks,'How do you stay in such great physical condition?'
'I'm from

Wisconsin and in my spare time I like to hunt and fish says the old guy,'and that's why I'm in such good shape. I'm up well before daylight feeding cattle, mending fences, planting, baling hay, and when I'm not doing that, I'm
out hunting or fishing. In the evening, I have a beer and all is well.'
'Well' says the doctor, 'I'm sure that helps, but there's got to be more to it. How old was your father when he
died?'
'Who said my father's dead?'
The doctor is amazed. 'You mean you're 80 years old and your father's still alive? How old is he?'
'He's 100 years old,' says the old Wisconsinite. 'In fact he worked with and hunted with me this morning, and then we went to the topless bar for a while and had a little beer and that's why he's still alive. He's a Wisconsin farmer and he's a hunter and fisherman too.'
'Well,' the doctor says, 'that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it than that.
How about your father's father? How old was he when he died?'
'Who said my grandpa's dead?'
Stunned, the doctor asks, 'you mean you're 80 years old and your grandfather's still alive?'
'He's 118 years old,' says the man.
The doctor is getting frustrated at this point, 'So, I guess he went hunting with you this morning too?'
'No, Grandpa couldn't go this morning because he's getting married today.'
At this point the doctor is close to losing it. 'Getting married? Why would a 118 year-old guy want to get married?'
'Who said he wanted to?'


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Old 11-24-2012, 08:31 AM   #5661
yvanleterrible
When books can fly!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by orlok View Post
This bloke walked up to the counter and said, "Burger and chips, please."

"Certainly, Sir," I replied. "Are you eating in or taking out?"

"You b*stard," he snapped, before walking off with his food.

I love working in the prison canteen.
Best is that you're still alive...
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Old 11-24-2012, 11:32 AM   #5662
James_Wilde
Guru
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If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a blind hill, in the fog.
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Old 11-24-2012, 08:22 PM   #5663
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Is that a sandwich?
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An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.

The two elderly gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant, and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly."

The other man said, "What's the name of the restaurant?"

The first man knits his brow in obvious concentration, and finally said to his companion, "Aahh, What is the name of that red flower you give to someone you love?

His friends replies, "A Carnation??"

"No. No. The other one" the man says.

His friend offers another suggestion, "The Poppy?"

"Nahhhh, growls the man. You know the one that is red and has thorns."

His friend said, "Do you mean a rose?"

"Yes, Yes that's it. Thank you!" the first man says.

He then turns toward the kitchen and yells, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"
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Old 11-25-2012, 08:29 AM   #5664
orlok
Getting back into it
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Why do programmers always get Christmas and Halloween mixed up?

Because DEC 25 = OCT 31
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Old 11-25-2012, 11:26 AM   #5665
Kumabjorn
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I've finally figured out why most states legalize gay marriage and mariujana at the same time.


Spoiler:
Leviticus says: If a man lies down with another man he shall be stoned.

Last edited by Kumabjorn; 11-25-2012 at 11:28 AM.
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Old 11-25-2012, 03:05 PM   #5666
Fbone
Is that a sandwich?
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What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?

A rumor.
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Old 11-25-2012, 03:27 PM   #5667
Quexos
In limbo
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So true ...

LOL !!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by PeterT View Post
If H2O is inside a fire hydrant, what's outside it?

Spoiler:

K9P
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Old 11-25-2012, 06:22 PM   #5668
Hamlet53
Noli Me Tangere
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stitchawl View Post
Wisconsin Farmer goes to the Mayo clinic in Rochester for a check-up.

. . .

At this point the doctor is close to losing it. 'Getting married? Why would a 118 year-old guy want to get married?'
'Who said he wanted to?'


Stitchawl
Shotgun wedding ?
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Old 11-25-2012, 07:05 PM   #5669
Freeshadow
temp. out of service
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I wonder if there's a documented case of someone who took the shot choice.
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Old 11-25-2012, 08:36 PM   #5670
Stitchawl
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I wonder if there's a documented case of someone who took the shot choice.
Doubt it, but I'll bet there are a few who wish they did...


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