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Old 10-28-2012, 09:45 PM   #5536
Fbone
Is that a sandwich?
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Customer: "Waiter! There is a fly in my soup."
Waiter: "That could very well be, sir, the cook used to be a tailor."
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Old 10-29-2012, 11:02 AM   #5537
Chi Cygni
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For sale

Older phone model for sale (camera included)

Spoiler:
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Old 10-29-2012, 02:37 PM   #5538
Bilbo1967
Not scared!
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With Hurricane Sandy on the way, I e-mailed my brother in New York to see if he was OK.

He replied:

"It's really bad now; the kids seem really worried. They've been just standing there staring through the window for hours. If it gets much worse, we'll have to let them in."
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Old 10-29-2012, 03:02 PM   #5539
WT Sharpe
Grand Muckity-Muck
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Ha! Stolen and adapted for Facebook, replacing "the kids" with "my grandson"!
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Old 10-29-2012, 07:04 PM   #5540
Fbone
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Why does a man twist his wedding ring on his finger?

He's trying to figure out the combination!
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Old 10-29-2012, 09:31 PM   #5541
Shayne Parkinson
Author
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If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
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Old 10-29-2012, 09:39 PM   #5542
Iznogood
Guru
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I just figured it was time for some Victor Borge humour in this thread

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Old 10-29-2012, 11:01 PM   #5543
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Oh that is funny! I haven't heard him in years.
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Old 10-29-2012, 11:37 PM   #5544
WT Sharpe
Grand Muckity-Muck
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Yes. I knew what was coming and still laughed.
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Old 10-30-2012, 04:47 AM   #5545
Chi Cygni
99% lurking mode
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World War II.

A young Polish priest falls into a trap set by Germans. A young German soldier aims right at him, about to shoot. Suddenly a ray of light beams from the clouds and a loud voice says:

"Spare him, he will become the next Pope"

Young German soldier, terrified, falls to his knees and asks in a trembing voice:

"And what will happen to me?"

"You? You will be the next one after him"
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Old 10-30-2012, 04:24 PM   #5546
dakini
not "it"
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silly joke from my biscuit wrapper, but it made me smile:

What is a penguin's favourite pudding?

jelly fish.

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Old 10-31-2012, 09:56 AM   #5547
Nexutix
with TBR of 500+ !!!
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A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved 3 year old grandson. It's obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets in the sweet aisle, biscuits in the biscuit aisle, and for fruit, cereal and pop in the other aisles. Meanwhile, granddad is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice,"Easy, William, we won't be long. Easy, boy." Another outburst and she hears the grandfather calmly say, "It's okay William, just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy." At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items out of the cart and granddad says again in a very controlled voice, "William, William, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five short minutes; stay cool, William." Very impressed, the woman goes outside where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car. She said to the elderly gentleman, "It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it.
That whole time, you kept your composure and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his grandpa." "Thanks," said the grandfather, "but I'm William. The little brat's name is Kevin."

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Old 10-31-2012, 02:16 PM   #5548
WT Sharpe
Grand Muckity-Muck
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Not really a joke, but I wanted to share with you all what I said to my wife a few minutes ago.

She came into the house quietly and sneaked up behind me as I was at the kitchen sink and grabbed the old buns and started fondling them.

Without turning around, I said, "Cut it out. My wife will be home for lunch any minute."
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Old 10-31-2012, 05:56 PM   #5549
yvanleterrible
When books can fly!
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Old 10-31-2012, 11:18 PM   #5550
Iznogood
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I watched this video and was about an inch from dying of laughter. It's hillarious
If I had had a bad constitution, I too might have sung my "die aria"* by now

*Watch the video and you will understand the die aria part
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