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Old 09-22-2012, 06:32 PM   #5386
WT Sharpe
Grand Muckity-Muck
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I always thought those were spy devices. You mean Maxwell and his boss were just enjoying a smoke?

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Old 09-22-2012, 07:20 PM   #5387
orlok
Getting back into it
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For some reason, I've never yet won a game of skrabel.
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Old 09-23-2012, 12:28 AM   #5388
EZPuzzler
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Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica ?
Where do they go? Wonder no more!

It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life. The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with its off spring throughout life.

If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their beaks and vestigial wings, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into and buried.

The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:

"Freeze a jolly good fellow."
"Freeze a jolly good fellow."

Then they kick him in the ice hole.
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Old 09-23-2012, 04:11 AM   #5389
Stitchawl
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Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica ?
Where do they go? Wonder no more!
I knew there was going to be a joke ending, (by the way, good one!) but I couldn't stop reading... Where DO dead penguins go? Is there a secrete penguin burial ground like they have for elephants? And how come there are no cat skeletons up in trees where they get stuck?


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Old 09-23-2012, 03:35 PM   #5390
icantbebothered
Penguin
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There is a penguin burial ground:

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Old 09-23-2012, 07:45 PM   #5391
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Those pirate jokes are ARRRRRful .
Having served for 23 years and retiring from the US Navy, I now work for the Army. I like to go around saying ARRRRGH! When the solders ask me what I mean I say "That's Navy for HOOAH!"
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Old 09-24-2012, 02:33 AM   #5392
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Is that a sandwich?
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One goldfish says to the other, "If there's no God, who changes our water every week?"
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Old 09-24-2012, 10:37 PM   #5393
Fbone
Is that a sandwich?
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Which one of these is the non-smoking lifeboat?
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Old 09-25-2012, 03:30 PM   #5394
Fbone
Is that a sandwich?
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Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.
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Old 09-25-2012, 05:23 PM   #5395
steven522
binomial: homo legentem
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Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.
I come here looking for a joke to brighten my day and I see this! I'm so upset now, I have to go and try to calm down! Where's that box of Twinkies?!?!
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Old 09-25-2012, 08:26 PM   #5396
Freeshadow
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Why are pickup lines called so, when the purpose is contrary?
Shouldn't they rather be called lay-lines?
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Old 09-26-2012, 02:41 PM   #5397
Fbone
Is that a sandwich?
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I'm one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
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Old 09-27-2012, 01:31 AM   #5398
Bookpossum
Snoozing in the sun
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A woman went to the doctor's office where she was seen by one of the younger doctors.
After about four minutes in the examination room, she burst out screaming as she ran down the hall.

An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story. After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room.

The older doctor marched down the hallway back to where the young doctor was writing on his clipboard.

"What the hell is the matter with you?!" the older doctor demanded. “Mrs. Terry is 71 years old, has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?"

The younger doctor continued writing and without looking up said, "Does she still have the hiccups?"
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Old 09-27-2012, 08:25 PM   #5399
Fbone
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I was more nervous than a ceiling fan store owner with a comb-over.
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Old 09-28-2012, 02:40 AM   #5400
Kumabjorn
Basculocolpic
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And I'm more nervous than a repairman for wind turbines in a tropical storm.
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