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Old 09-04-2012, 12:15 AM   #5311
Kumabjorn
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Old 09-04-2012, 06:54 AM   #5312
orlok
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Autocorrect can be a writer's best friend or her worst enema.
Like the new avatar Tom. Now all together..."Da dum te diddly dum ta dum, da dum te diddly dum ta dum, dum te dum dum, dum te dum dum..." etc.
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Old 09-04-2012, 07:42 AM   #5313
Stitchawl
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Like the new avatar Tom. Now all together..."Da dum te diddly dum ta dum, da dum te diddly dum ta dum, dum te dum dum, dum te dum dum..." etc.
Hey! You got that pretty spot on! I hadn't noticed Tom's new avatar, but recognized the tune immediately. Then I turned back a page to check! Well done!


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Old 09-04-2012, 07:53 AM   #5314
orlok
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Hey! You got that pretty spot on! I hadn't noticed Tom's new avatar, but recognized the tune immediately. Then I turned back a page to check! Well done!


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Just be glad you can't hear me vocalise it
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Old 09-04-2012, 09:53 AM   #5315
Nexutix
with TBR of 500+ !!!
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Stitchawl
I love this one. It is not only funny, but I find it deeply meaningful.
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Old 09-04-2012, 10:45 PM   #5316
Fbone
Is that a sandwich?
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Sherlock Holmes and Watson were on a camping and hiking trip.
They had gone to bed and were lying there looking up at the sky.
Holmes said, "Watson, look up. What do you see?
"Well, I see thousands of stars."
And what does that mean to you?"
"Well, I guess it means we will have another nice day tomorrow. What does it mean to you, Holmes?"
"To me, it means someone has stolen our tent."
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Old 09-06-2012, 03:11 AM   #5317
Fbone
Is that a sandwich?
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Sign at the Pavlov Institute: Knock, Please don't ring bell.
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Old 09-06-2012, 11:26 PM   #5318
Fbone
Is that a sandwich?
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Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?"
Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."
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Old 09-07-2012, 05:33 AM   #5319
yvanleterrible
When books can fly!
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Originally Posted by Fbone View Post
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?"
Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."
No wonder, it's the wrong question to ask...
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Old 09-07-2012, 06:41 AM   #5320
Figwit
Zealot
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A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich.

The barman looks at him and says,
"Hang on! You're a duck."

"I see your eyes are working," replies the duck.

"And you can talk!"Exclaims the barman.

"I see your ears are working, too," Says the duck.

"Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?"

"Certainly, sorry about that," Says the barman as he pulls the duck's pint.

"It's just we don't get many ducks in this pub.. What are you doing round this way?"

"I'm working on the building site across the road," Explains the duck.

"I'm a plasterer."

The flabbergasted barman cannot believe the duck and wants to learn more, but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it.

So, the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids the barman good day and leaves.

The same thing happens for two weeks.

Then one day the circus comes to town.

The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the barman says to him

"You're with the circus, aren't you? Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper and everything!"

"Sounds marvellous,"says the ringmaster, handing over his business card.

"Get him to give me a call."

So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the barman says,

"Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money."

"I'm always looking for the next job,"

Says the duck.

"Where is it?"

"At the circus," Says the barman.

"The circus?" Repeats the duck.

"That's right," Replies the barman.

"The circus?" The duck asks again “with the big tent?"

"Yeah," the barman replies.

"With all the animals who live in cages, and performers who live in caravans?" says the duck.

"Of course," the barman replies.

"And the tent has canvas sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?" persists the duck.

"That's right!" says the barman.

The duck shakes his head in amazement, and says .. .
"Whatever would they want with a plasterer??!"
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Old 09-07-2012, 08:48 PM   #5321
Fbone
Is that a sandwich?
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When the Jones family moved into their new house, a visiting relative asked five-year-old Sammy how he liked the new place.
"It's terrific," he said. "I have my own room, Mike has his own room, and Jamie has her own room. But poor mom is still in with dad."
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Old 09-08-2012, 12:05 AM   #5322
Nexutix
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Old 09-08-2012, 12:23 AM   #5323
Stitchawl
Opsimath
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Simply brilliant!



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Old 09-08-2012, 05:42 AM   #5324
orlok
Getting back into it
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Old 09-08-2012, 06:13 AM   #5325
orlok
Getting back into it
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- I never polish my mirror, which reflects badly on me.

- My doctor has given me some anti-gloating cream. Now all I want to do is rub it in.
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