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Old 04-01-2009, 02:28 PM   #211
ShortNCuddlyAm
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Because I'm a friendly person I like to add guten to the tags of the German language threads. (Think about it.)
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Old 04-01-2009, 08:50 PM   #212
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One of my favourite bad jokes....

Q. What do you call a blind Rudolph/deer with no eyes?

A. No idea.
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Old 04-02-2009, 02:02 PM   #213
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Quote:
Originally Posted by montsnmags View Post
One of my favourite bad jokes....

Q. What do you call a blind Rudolph/deer with no eyes?

A. No idea.
:groan: Took me a minute. Had to pronounce it outloud. :groan:
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Old 04-02-2009, 02:04 PM   #214
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:groan: Took me a minute. Had to pronounce it outloud. :groan:
Yeah, the "r" is silent invisible...
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Old 04-02-2009, 07:16 PM   #215
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An old man sat in the mall, watching the world go by.

He saw one teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue. The old man kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find him staring every time.

When the teenager had had enough, he sarcastically asked, 'What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?'

In classic style he did not bat an eye in his
response.

'Got drunk once, and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son.'

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Old 04-02-2009, 07:37 PM   #216
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Quote:
Originally Posted by desertgrandma View Post
An old man sat in the mall, watching the world go by.

He saw one teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue. The old man kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find him staring every time.

When the teenager had had enough, he sarcastically asked, 'What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?'

In classic style he did not bat an eye in his
response.

'Got drunk once, and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son.'

Hee!

This reminds me of a true story that happened to a friend of mine, many years ago. He was in a pub in North Wales (he was Welsh himself) and found himself sitting next to an old man who was eying all the underage drinkers in a disapproving fashion.

Finally he leaned over to my friend and said (in a broad Welsh accent) "When I were a teenager, you'd never find us in the pub."

"Nooo," he said, slowly and disapprovingly. "We'd be up on the mountain, eating magic mushrooms."
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Old 04-03-2009, 09:43 AM   #217
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My dog does this:



The dog breed in the picture is a miniature pinscher. If you look carefully, you can see the dog's tongue through the bottom of the jar.
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Old 04-03-2009, 10:00 AM   #218
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Quote:
Originally Posted by montsnmags View Post
One of my favourite bad jokes....

Q. What do you call a blind Rudolph/deer with no eyes?

A. No idea.

Q. What do you call a blind Rudolph/deer with no eyes and no legs?

A. Still no idea.
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Old 04-03-2009, 01:06 PM   #219
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:groan: :hiss:
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Old 04-08-2009, 06:26 AM   #220
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Thread's gone quiet - so here's another!

Guy walks into a bar with a couple of cardboard boxes which he puts on the bar & orders. Barman gets his order then asks what’s in the boxes?

The guy opens the larger box to remove a miniature grand piano and stool, which he puts on the bar.
Out of the other, he takes a foot tall male doll dressed in tuxedo & tails, places it on the stool.

The doll comes to life and plays beautiful music, keeps playing for some time. Eventually the guy claps his hands and the music stops.

The barman, and rest of the drinkers, totally enhanced by the performance, want to know where they can get one.

Guy says, well, it’s a long story -

I was walking my dog and came across this deer with its leg caught in a trap. It did not seem badly injured so I released it.

There was a blinding flash, and the deer turned into a little old woman in a pointed hat, who thanked me for releasing her and said she would grant me one wish, which no one else must hear.

I thought a few seconds about what to wish for, then bent over to whisper it into her ear. As I did, two F16’s went over making a horrendous noise and clap of thunder, she disappeared with another flash.

This is how I end up with a 12-inch pianist who will only stop playing when he gets a clap.

Last edited by columbus; 04-08-2009 at 02:07 PM.
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Old 04-08-2009, 02:05 PM   #221
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Another but cleaner!!

Where do you find a dog with no legs?





Right where you left him.
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Old 04-08-2009, 02:32 PM   #222
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How bout some jokes with no injured aminals? Some of us are pet lovers.....
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Old 04-08-2009, 02:37 PM   #223
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Where do you find a lawyer with no legs?
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Old 04-08-2009, 02:49 PM   #224
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*THAT's* better!!! (sorry ricky..... )
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Old 04-09-2009, 03:11 PM   #225
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Quote:
Originally Posted by badgoodDeb;
How bout some jokes with no injured aminals? Some of us are pet lovers.....


H'mmmm, a lot of us are pet lovers!

I think that when we loose the ability to laugh at ourselves we have lost our humanity.

From your avatar and comments I guess you might be blond. So no offence!

(No animals or people were harmed in the making of this frivolity.)

Guy driving home in the dusk, when the whole cast of watership down runs across the road in front of him, as hard as he tries he can't avoid them and turns one of the rabbits into a road kill.

Full of remorse he gets out of his car and cradles the dead rabbit in his hands.

At this moment another car pulls up, out gets a blond woman who realises at once his distress.
She tries to console him, but understands it is futile and returns to her car where she retrieves an aerosol can.

Gently removing the dead rabbit from his hands she sprays it with the aerosol and places it lovingly on the ground.
After a few moments the rabbit springs to life and runs fifty yards down the road, stops, turns and waves to the blond and the man.
Runs another fifty yards, stops, turns, and waves to the blond and the man. This continues until the rabbit is out of sight.

The man overwhelmed, questions the blond what she has done and asks to see the aerosol can, Which is Hair spray, he reads the label, which says -
- restores life and vitality to hair and imparts a permanent wave.

H'mmmm then, how about this one?

How can you tell when a lawyer is telling the truth -
- by the stony silence :-)

Last edited by columbus; 04-10-2009 at 03:50 PM.
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