Register Guidelines E-Books Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Go Back   MobileRead Forums > Miscellaneous > Lounge

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 12-16-2008, 10:29 AM   #1
Slite
Icanhasdonuts?
Slite ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Slite ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Slite ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Slite ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Slite ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Slite ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Slite ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Slite ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Slite ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Slite ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Slite ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
Slite's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,835
Karma: 532407
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Bålsta, Sweden
Device: BeBook x 2 (Hanlin V3 rebrand), Samsung Omnia
Really BAD Christmas Jokes

Post your REALLY bad christmas jokes here, so that Zelda can have a good christmas

What do angry mice send each other?
Cross-mouse cards!

What do you get when you cross a bell with a skunk?
Jingle smells!

What is white, lives at the north pole and runs around naked?
A polar bare!

What kind of pine has the sharpest needles?
A porcupine!

"Do you ever buy any Christmas Seals?"
"No, I wouldn't know how to feed them."

What is green, covered with tinsel and goes "ribbet ribbet"?
A mistle-"toad"!

What do lions sing at Christmastime?
Jungle bells, jungle bells, jungle all the way!
Slite is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-16-2008, 10:31 AM   #2
zelda_pinwheel
zeldinha zippy zeldissima
zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
zelda_pinwheel's Avatar
 
Posts: 27,828
Karma: 908606
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Paris, France
Device: eb1150 & is that a nook in her pocket, or she just happy to see you?
!!!!

BEST CHRISTMAS THREAD EVER !!!

karma to you, slite !
zelda_pinwheel is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-16-2008, 04:23 PM   #3
ravenne
Wizard
ravenne ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ravenne ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ravenne ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ravenne ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ravenne ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ravenne ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ravenne ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ravenne ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ravenne ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ravenne ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ravenne ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
ravenne's Avatar
 
Posts: 4,916
Karma: 1840619
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Munich, Germany
Device: Kindle PW, PocketBook 360°, Cybook Gen3, iPad mini
What do you give a reindeer with an upset tummy?
Elk-a-seltzer

What would a reindeer do if it lost its tail?
Go to a re-tail-shop

What's the most popular wine at Christmas?
"I don't like sprouts"

Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
So he can hoe hoe hoe.

If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get?
Missletoe!

What nationality is Santa Claus?
North Polish

Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?
You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
ravenne is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-16-2008, 04:28 PM   #4
zelda_pinwheel
zeldinha zippy zeldissima
zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
zelda_pinwheel's Avatar
 
Posts: 27,828
Karma: 908606
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Paris, France
Device: eb1150 & is that a nook in her pocket, or she just happy to see you?
Quote:
Originally Posted by ravenne View Post
What's the most popular wine at Christmas?
"I don't like sprouts"

Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
So he can hoe hoe hoe.

If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get?
Missletoe!

What nationality is Santa Claus?
North Polish

Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?
You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.


hahahahahaha !!!! man, i love these !!! too funny !!! thanks !!!!!
zelda_pinwheel is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-17-2008, 01:22 AM   #5
Slite
Icanhasdonuts?
Slite ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Slite ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Slite ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Slite ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Slite ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Slite ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Slite ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Slite ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Slite ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Slite ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Slite ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
Slite's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,835
Karma: 532407
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Bålsta, Sweden
Device: BeBook x 2 (Hanlin V3 rebrand), Samsung Omnia
What squeaks and is scary?
The Ghost of Christmouse Past!

What do you call a cat on a beach at Christmas?
Sandy Claws!

What's the most boring animal?
A polar bore!

What food do you get when you cross a snowman with a polar bear?
A "brrr" - "grrr"!

What beats his chest and swings from Christmas cake to Christmas cake?
Tarzipan !

If there were 11 elves, and another one came along, what would he be?
The twelf

What is a female elf called?
A shelf

I say, I say, I say! My wife's gone to the West Indies!
Jamaica?
No. She was quite happy to go!
Slite is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-17-2008, 01:29 AM   #6
Sparrow
Wizard
Sparrow ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Sparrow ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Sparrow ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Sparrow ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Sparrow ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Sparrow ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Sparrow ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Sparrow ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Sparrow ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Sparrow ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Sparrow ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
Posts: 4,400
Karma: 1358102
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: UK
Device: Palm TX, CyBook Gen3
Quote:
Originally Posted by Slite View Post
What beats his chest and swings from Christmas cake to Christmas cake?
Tarzipan !
Excellent!
Sparrow is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-17-2008, 06:31 AM   #7
zelda_pinwheel
zeldinha zippy zeldissima
zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
zelda_pinwheel's Avatar
 
Posts: 27,828
Karma: 908606
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Paris, France
Device: eb1150 & is that a nook in her pocket, or she just happy to see you?
tarzipan !!!



slite, where do you get them ??
zelda_pinwheel is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-17-2008, 06:33 AM   #8
Slite
Icanhasdonuts?
Slite ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Slite ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Slite ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Slite ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Slite ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Slite ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Slite ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Slite ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Slite ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Slite ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Slite ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
Slite's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,835
Karma: 532407
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Bålsta, Sweden
Device: BeBook x 2 (Hanlin V3 rebrand), Samsung Omnia
Quote:
Originally Posted by zelda_pinwheel View Post
tarzipan !!!



slite, where do you get them ??
What? and spoil my posting of bad christmas joke from here and until xmas eve? No no no, that wont do
Slite is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-17-2008, 06:50 AM   #9
zelda_pinwheel
zeldinha zippy zeldissima
zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
zelda_pinwheel's Avatar
 
Posts: 27,828
Karma: 908606
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Paris, France
Device: eb1150 & is that a nook in her pocket, or she just happy to see you?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Slite View Post
What? and spoil my posting of bad christmas joke from here and until xmas eve? No no no, that wont do
really ??? joy !!!
zelda_pinwheel is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-17-2008, 10:07 AM   #10
Slite
Icanhasdonuts?
Slite ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Slite ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Slite ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Slite ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Slite ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Slite ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Slite ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Slite ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Slite ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Slite ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Slite ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
Slite's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,835
Karma: 532407
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Bålsta, Sweden
Device: BeBook x 2 (Hanlin V3 rebrand), Samsung Omnia
What do snowmen wear on their heads ?
Ice caps !

What's an ig ?
An eskimo's home without a loo !

What do snowmen eat for lunch ?
Icebergers !

What do Eskimos use to hold their homes together?
Ig-"glue"!

Why do Mummies like Christmas so much?
Because of all the wrapping!

Which dog is the most expensive of all?
A dear hound!

What do you call a crate of ducks?
A box of quackers

What's ET short for?
Because he's only got little legs.
Slite is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-17-2008, 10:13 AM   #11
zelda_pinwheel
zeldinha zippy zeldissima
zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
zelda_pinwheel's Avatar
 
Posts: 27,828
Karma: 908606
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Paris, France
Device: eb1150 & is that a nook in her pocket, or she just happy to see you?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Slite View Post
What do you call a crate of ducks?
A box of quackers
quackers !!!! hahahaha !!!!!!



slite, this is the best christmas ever.
zelda_pinwheel is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-17-2008, 10:55 AM   #12
Sparrow
Wizard
Sparrow ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Sparrow ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Sparrow ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Sparrow ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Sparrow ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Sparrow ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Sparrow ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Sparrow ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Sparrow ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Sparrow ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Sparrow ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
Posts: 4,400
Karma: 1358102
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: UK
Device: Palm TX, CyBook Gen3
Can the jokes be about winter as well as Christmas?

Cos if they can I could tell the joke about the guy who saw a yellow patch in the snow on his front lawn. On closer inspection he realised there was a man's name written in the middle.
Pointing it out to his neighbour he said; "Look at that! I'll kill him when I lay my hands on him."
"Calm down, you were young once - are you telling me you never wrote your name in the snow after a few pints?"
"It's not that - that's my wife's handwriting!"

But if they have to be about Christmas I'll tell it on another occasion.
Sparrow is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-17-2008, 10:58 AM   #13
Slite
Icanhasdonuts?
Slite ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Slite ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Slite ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Slite ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Slite ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Slite ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Slite ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Slite ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Slite ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Slite ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Slite ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
Slite's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,835
Karma: 532407
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Bålsta, Sweden
Device: BeBook x 2 (Hanlin V3 rebrand), Samsung Omnia
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sparrow View Post
Can the jokes be about winter as well as Christmas?

Cos if they can I could tell the joke about the guy who saw a yellow patch in the snow on his front lawn. On closer inspection he realised there was a man's name written in the middle.
Pointing it out to his neighbour he said; "Look at that! I'll kill him when I lay my hands on him."
"Calm down, you were young once - are you telling me you never wrote your name in the snow after a few pints?"
"It's not that - that's my wife's handwriting!"

But if they have to be about Christmas I'll tell it on another occasion.
Hehe!

Winter jokes are fine, but the "stinkier" they are, the better
Slite is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-17-2008, 02:15 PM   #14
basschick
Guru
basschick ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.basschick ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.basschick ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.basschick ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.basschick ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.basschick ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.basschick ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.basschick ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.basschick ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.basschick ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.basschick ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
basschick's Avatar
 
Posts: 961
Karma: 4046277
Join Date: May 2008
Device: Cybook Gen 3, Kindle 3 WiFi, iPod Touch with Stanza
A Lawyer's Christmas Greeting


Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, our best wishes for an
environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive,
gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practised within
the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or
secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular
persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice
religious or secular traditions at all . . . and a fiscally successful,
personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of
the generally accepted calendar year 1999, but not without due respect for the
calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have
helped make America great, (not to imply that America is necessarily greater
than any other country or is the only "AMERICA" in the western hemisphere),
and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious
faith, choice of computer platform, or sexual preference of the wishee.

By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms. This greeting is
subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no
alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to
actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, and is void
where prohibited by law. It is also revocable at the sole discretion of the
wisher.

This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of
good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent
holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement
of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.

The wishee further agrees to hold harmless and indemnify the wisher, along with
its heirs, assigns, officers, directors, shareholders...
basschick is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-17-2008, 09:30 PM   #15
junkml
Addict
junkml ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.junkml ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.junkml ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.junkml ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.junkml ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.junkml ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.junkml ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.junkml ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.junkml ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.junkml ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.junkml ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
junkml's Avatar
 
Posts: 277
Karma: 1004969
Join Date: Mar 2007
Device: Sony Reader
kind of holiday...

What's red and green and goes 300 mph?
A frog in a blender.

What do you get when you add milk?
Frog Nogg.
junkml is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
jokes, unutterable silliness

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Unutterably Silly Old Bad Computer/Computer Programming Jokes RWood Lounge 114 02-21-2012 01:39 PM
Unutterably Silly Lawyer Jokes (with malice toward none) RWood Lounge 40 06-22-2009 04:35 AM
CyBook/Firmware jokes gerraldo Bookeen 8 06-04-2009 09:14 AM
April Jokes doctorow Lounge 2 04-01-2005 10:24 AM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 01:41 AM.


MobileRead.com is a privately owned, operated and funded community.