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Old 07-21-2008, 08:23 PM   #121
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Originally Posted by zelda_pinwheel View Post
all right, i won't hold it against you (this time) if you tell another joke.
OK .... I'm not very good at jokes, however .... can't ever remember them.

A man buys a parrot for $100. He takes it home, but notices that it is losing its feathers and doesn't look very happy. It never talks ... just sighs these long drawn out sighs. The parrot languishes like this for a week or so, and then the man goes back to the store with the parrot in the cage to complain.

The store owner explains that this is the rare Brazillian Pink Parrot, which cannot live alone. It must have a mate. The man really wants to keep his original parrot, so he agrees to buy a female parrot of the same species.

The store owner tells him the female will be $500. The man is a bit taken aback, but forks over the $500 to the store owner and the store owner puts the female parrot in the cage with the male parrot.

The male parrot immediately attacks the female and starts pulling out her feathers. Both parrots are squaking up a storm.

The man yells, "Stop it, stop it .... you'll hurt her!!"

The male parrot looks him in the eye and says, "Hey, for $500, I want her naked."
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Old 07-21-2008, 08:27 PM   #122
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Number 1 - Roy Rogers is out hunting mountain lions with friends. The first day - nothing so they camp for the night. Next morning they wake to find that a mountain lion had entered the camp in the night and chewed up Roy's new cowboy boots. He digs out an old pair and they continue hunting. Eventually they do kill a lion. One of Roy's friends goes over to the lion and says " enter punch line here".


Now Ricky, you can do number two (no pun intended).
"Pardon me Roy, is that the cat that chewed your new shoes?"
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Old 07-21-2008, 08:28 PM   #123
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Number 1 - Roy Rogers is out hunting mountain lions with friends. The first day - nothing so they camp for the night. Next morning they wake to find that a mountain lion had entered the camp in the night and chewed up Roy's new cowboy boots. He digs out an old pair and they continue hunting. Eventually they do kill a lion. One of Roy's friends goes over to the lion and says " enter punch line here".


Now Ricky, you can do number two (no pun intended).
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Originally Posted by RickyMaveety View Post
"Pardon me Roy, is that the cat that chewed your new shoes?"
Zeep .... be honest with me now. Did you get this joke?? Or is it a bit too Americana??
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Old 07-21-2008, 08:29 PM   #124
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i got that joke. but it took me a long time.
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Old 07-21-2008, 08:45 PM   #125
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Originally Posted by zelda_pinwheel View Post
"man with a stoat through his head" ??? what ??? ooh, tell THAT joke !!!
Not a "joke" so much as a flying circus:

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fu...deoID=18813059

Cheers,
Marc
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Old 07-21-2008, 08:48 PM   #126
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i should have guessed...
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Old 07-21-2008, 09:41 PM   #127
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RickyMaveety View Post
Zeep .... be honest with me now. Did you get this joke?? Or is it a bit too Americana??
Some jokes are better spoken than written. This is one such.
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Old 07-22-2008, 09:07 AM   #128
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Q: How do you double the price of a Lada.
A: Fill it up with petrol.

Q: What do you call a Lada with the roof down.
A: A Skip!

Q: Why do Ladas have heated rear windscreens.
A: To keep your hands warm when pushing.
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Old 07-22-2008, 10:21 AM   #129
RickyMaveety
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Originally Posted by slayda View Post
Some jokes are better spoken than written. This is one such.
Yup ... you almost need to sing the punchline.
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Old 07-22-2008, 10:43 AM   #130
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Supposedly voted the funniest joke in the world. I'll abbreviate, since each joke teller will embellish in their own style:

Two hunters. One accidentally shoots the other. Panics. Calls 911 (emergency services). Help, help, he's dead, he's bleeding, OMG, I think he's dead! 911 Operator says, calm down, calm down, what happened... are you sure he's dead? Make sure!

BLAM!!! BLAM!!!

"Ok, now what?"
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Old 07-22-2008, 11:11 AM   #131
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Originally Posted by Taylor514ce View Post
Supposedly voted the funniest joke in the world. I'll abbreviate, since each joke teller will embellish in their own style:

Two hunters. One accidentally shoots the other. Panics. Calls 911 (emergency services). Help, help, he's dead, he's bleeding, OMG, I think he's dead! 911 Operator says, calm down, calm down, what happened... are you sure he's dead? Make sure!

BLAM!!! BLAM!!!

"Ok, now what?"
I remember hearing that one!! It is funny! I wish I could remember jokes. I can remember so much useless trivia ... but jokes and punchlines seem to elude me for some unknown reason.

I'm one of those people .....

"OK, OK .... I heard this joke. It seems there was this man who walked into a bar. Oh ... oh ... wait .... the man is married, and he has a dog ... or maybe it's a cat. Anyway, so this man walks into a bar with his wife and his cat ... no ..... wait ..... I'm sure it's a dog ..... "
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Old 07-22-2008, 02:55 PM   #132
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Q : how many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A : fish.
heeheehee !!!
Seems that scientists have got us pegged.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2002/oc...ities.research
"Laughlab, an epic experiment set up more than a year ago, established that the British, Irish, New Zealanders and Australians prefer a play on words; that the French, Danes and Belgians have a taste for the surreal and Freudian; and that Americans and Canadians chuckle at jokes showing one group's superiority over another.
The Germans apparently have the broadest sense of humour - if only because they have no national preference, and therefore find almost anything funny."
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Old 07-22-2008, 02:57 PM   #133
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Seems that scientists have got us pegged.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2002/oc...ities.research
"Laughlab, an epic experiment set up more than a year ago, established that the British, Irish, New Zealanders and Australians prefer a play on words; that the French, Danes and Belgians have a taste for the surreal and Freudian; and that Americans and Canadians chuckle at jokes showing one group's superiority over another.
The Germans apparently have the broadest sense of humour - if only because they have no national preference, and therefore find almost anything funny."
I've just got too many jokes that involve Nazis, so I'm not going to say anything...
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Old 07-22-2008, 05:45 PM   #134
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I remember hearing that one!! It is funny! I wish I could remember jokes. I can remember so much useless trivia ... but jokes and punchlines seem to elude me for some unknown reason.

I'm one of those people .....

"OK, OK .... I heard this joke. It seems there was this man who walked into a bar. Oh ... oh ... wait .... the man is married, and he has a dog ... or maybe it's a cat. Anyway, so this man walks into a bar with his wife and his cat ... no ..... wait ..... I'm sure it's a dog ..... "
I'm with you, Ricky. Only my problem is that I tell it like Taylor did -- brief, to the point -- with absolutely no flair. Which is fine here, for a known joke like that -- but it doesn't work in person.
Either that, or I do forget the punch line. Sigh.
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Old 07-22-2008, 05:50 PM   #135
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I'm with you, Ricky. Only my problem is that I tell it like Taylor did -- brief, to the point -- with absolutely no flair. Which is fine here, for a known joke like that -- but it doesn't work in person.
Either that, or I do forget the punch line. Sigh.
Good to know there are at least two of us in the world.
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