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Old 07-20-2008, 09:32 PM   #76
zelda_pinwheel
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i bet it's the second one. cunning android.
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Old 07-20-2008, 09:35 PM   #77
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Q:How many existentialists does it take to change a light bulb?




A:Two. One to change the lightbulb and one to observe how the lightbulb symbolizes an incandescent beacon of subjectivity in a netherworld of Cosmic Nothingness.
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Old 07-20-2008, 09:48 PM   #78
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Originally Posted by slayda View Post
A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"

----------------------------

A man goes into a bar with a cat & a mouse and offers to give a show for free drinks. The bartender agrees and the man sits the cat at the piano ans the mouse on top of it. The cat plays and the mouse sings.

The bartender asks why he doesn't make a lot of money with the act. "I can't," he said. "It's a fraud."

"But I can see it and hear it." the bartender refutes.

"Naw." said the man. "That mouse can't sing. The cat's a ventriloquist."

OK .... the second one cracked me up!!!
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Old 07-20-2008, 09:51 PM   #79
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Originally Posted by daffy4u View Post
One night, a Delta twin-engine puddle jumper was flying somewhere above New Jersey. There were five people on board: the pilot, Michael Jordan, Bill Gates, the Dali Lama, and a hippie. Suddenly, an illegal oxygen generator exploded loudly in the luggage compartment, and the passenger cabin began to fill with smoke. The cockpit door opened, and the pilot burst into the compartment.

"Gentlemen," he began, "I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that we're about to crash in New Jersey. The good news is that there are four parachutes, and I have one of them!" With that, the pilot threw open the door and jumped from the plane.

Michael Jordan was on his feet in a flash. "Gentlemen," he said, "I am the world's greatest athlete. The world needs great athletes. I think the world's greatest athlete should have a parachute!" With these words, he grabbed one of the remaining parachutes, and hurtled through the door and into the night.

Bill Gates rose and said, "Gentlemen, I am the world's smartest man. The world needs smart men. I think the world's smartest man should have a parachute, too." He grabbed one, and out he jumped.

The Dali Lama and the hippie looked at one another. Finally, the Dali Lama spoke. "My son," he said, "I have lived a satisfying life and have known the bliss of True Enlightenment. You have your life ahead of you; you take a parachute, and I will go down with the plane."

The hippie smiled slowly and said, "Hey, don't worry, dude. The world's smartest man just jumped out wearing my backpack."
Quote:
Originally Posted by zelda_pinwheel View Post
nice ! the stealth duck joke !



dyslexics of the world, untie !
Now, I think the one with Bill Gates jumping to his death was the Stealth Duck Joke.

Isn't that right, Stealth Duck???
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Old 07-20-2008, 09:51 PM   #80
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Maybe reading? Sometimes I even try it.

Or maybe he and Taylor are drinking milkshakes together and Taylor is trying to distract us.
Great ... now I really want a milkshake!! Chocolate (no syrup).
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Old 07-20-2008, 10:11 PM   #81
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Originally Posted by RickyMaveety View Post
Great ... now I really want a milkshake!! Chocolate (no syrup).

Strawberry/banana...with real strawberries and bananas and vanilla ice cream!
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Old 07-20-2008, 10:34 PM   #82
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A Times New Roman Font walks into a bar and the bartender says "Get out, we don't serve your type here."

Last edited by Madam Broshkina; 07-23-2008 at 06:00 AM.
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Old 07-20-2008, 10:35 PM   #83
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A Pirate...

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel hanging from his belt. The bartender asks, "What's that for?" The pirate responds, "Aarrr, its driving me nuts".

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Old 07-20-2008, 11:08 PM   #84
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A lyric from my favorite song ...

and then I'm off to bed.

A Muslim, a Christian, a Buddhist, a Jew,
Went up in a hot air baloon.
The balloon? Well, it popped.
They prayed as it dropped.
(splat)
It just shows that
God hates us all!!


Good night everybody!!
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Old 07-20-2008, 11:14 PM   #85
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RickyMaveety View Post
and then I'm off to bed.

A Muslim, a Christian, a Buddhist, a Jew,
Went up in a hot air baloon.
The balloon? Well, it popped.
They prayed as it dropped.
(splat)
It just shows that
God hates us all!!


Good night everybody!!
On the express train, RM! Sleep well............
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Old 07-21-2008, 12:43 AM   #86
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RickyMaveety View Post
Now, I think the one with Bill Gates jumping to his death was the Stealth Duck Joke.

Isn't that right, Stealth Duck???
I believe the correct term is Ninja Duck
Quote:
Originally Posted by desertgrandma View Post
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel hanging from his belt. The bartender asks, "What's that for?" The pirate responds, "Aarrr, its driving me nuts".

Thats a little below the belt dont you think DG?

Quote:
Originally Posted by desertgrandma View Post
On the express train, RM! Sleep well............
Thats ok I am driving the Train All O Board!!!

Two pieces of string walk into a bar and the bartender looks at them suspiciously. He says "Sorry, boys, we don't serve your kind here." So the pieces of string walk out again.

They're sitting in the gutter outside and feeling really thirsty when one piece of string says "Hey! I've got an idea to get me into the bar."

So he starts twisting and turning, wriggling this way and that, pulling out a few threads here and there. His mate's looking at him and thinks he's gone completely nuts.

Then the piece of string walks back into the bar. The bartender looks at him a little suspiciously again and says "Here, you're not a bit of string, are you?"

The piece of string replies "No, I'm a frayed knot."

(Insert Collective Groan here_______)

JJ
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Old 07-21-2008, 12:47 AM   #87
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A parrot and a DUCK

Did you hear about the pirate's parrot that fell in love with a duck? The bird kept saying, "Polly wants a quacker".

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Old 07-21-2008, 12:49 AM   #88
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I believe the correct term is Ninja Duck

Thats a little below the belt dont you think DG? SNARK!


Thats ok I am driving the Train All O Board!!!

Two pieces of string walk into a bar and the bartender looks at them suspiciously. He says "Sorry, boys, we don't serve your kind here." So the pieces of string walk out again.

They're sitting in the gutter outside and feeling really thirsty when one piece of string says "Hey! I've got an idea to get me into the bar."

So he starts twisting and turning, wriggling this way and that, pulling out a few threads here and there. His mate's looking at him and thinks he's gone completely nuts.

Then the piece of string walks back into the bar. The bartender looks at him a little suspiciously again and says "Here, you're not a bit of string, are you?"

The piece of string replies "No, I'm a frayed knot."

(Insert Collective Groan here_______)

JJ
That was funny!
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Old 07-21-2008, 12:49 AM   #89
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Quote:
Originally Posted by desertgrandma View Post
Did you hear about the pirate's parrot that fell in love with a duck? The bird kept saying, "Polly wants a quacker".

No but I heard about the Parrot that fell in love with an Amish girl, He kept saying "Polly wants a Quaker"

JJ
Yep MR hell, All O board!!!
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Old 07-21-2008, 12:50 AM   #90
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Quote:
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No but I heard about the Parrot that fell in love with an Amish girl, He kept saying "Polly wants a Quaker"

JJ
Yep MR hell, All O board!!!
I"m so there with ya!
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