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Old 06-24-2013, 09:36 AM   #22711
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I never though of that, Stitch.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Stitchawl View Post
Rant Mode: On

My rant for Thailand:
It's very common for older single men to retire here. It really is a society that caters to 'all' the wants and needs of single men, especially those with some money. And it doesn't have to be a lot of money. If a Thai college grad working in an office earns $30-$40 US dollars a week it's considered a good salary. A young uneducated woman is lucky to earn $20 USD a week working in a shop.

There is also no cultural stigma about December/May marriages here, so it very easy for an older Western (read: rich by local standards) man to hook up with a young Thai (read: poor) woman who needs to find a way to feed her parents and grandparents as well as herself. Hooking up with a western man is better than becoming (or continuing to work) as a bar girl. Somebody in the family has to earn enough for rice.

So an unspoken contract is made; she treats him like a King, and he provides the rice... for everybody in the extended family unable to provide their own. This might mean paying school tuition to keep younger sisters and brothers in school after age 16, pay for a new water buffalo for her father if the old one dies and they have to eat him, as well as maintaining a home for the two of them... until she get's pregnant, (then it's for the three or four of them) which they both try to do as quickly as possible because there is nothing quite as important to a Thai as family, (it's the first question asked when meeting new people socially; how many children do you have?) and to the old man's sense of masculinity. "See? I can't still make babies!"

No problem so far...
But... the guy is 65-75 years old. By the time the child is 10 years old, the father is usually getting ready to shuffle off this mortal coil. Children don't get to grow up 'playing' with their fathers. Dad's too old to run and play 'tag,' or often even play 'Catch' with a ball. Can't throw because of the arthritis in the shoulder...

I see so many children growing up without fathers here. It's very uncommon for a child of mixed parentage to have a father by the time they reach 15. Yet every time I go out, I see another December/May couple, with a proud papa pushing the baby carriage because he's too old to carry the baby in his arms. It's certainly their right to do so, but personally I don't think it's fair to the children.

Rant Mode: Off
There are some celebrity couples like that in the U.S. but I guess those families would have less trouble with support after the father dies than the ones you're talking about. Actually a good friend of mine, who is a year older than me, had a risky in vitro at 39 and had a little girl. Well and good but her husband, who is fifteen years older than her, was starting to think about retirement. She, herself, is not that young and has the same medical condition I do (and which necessitated the in vitro and made it risky). There are worse conditions and she takes care of herself but she is now 41, the child 2. There is a good possibility the little girl will lose both parents by 25. Anyway, not as bad as what you are talking about
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Old 06-24-2013, 09:51 AM   #22712
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I am not a big fan of Winer/Summer relationships but it seems like this is excepted in Thailand and in some ways beneficial. You are describing a large family that is connected. More likely then not, the child is playing with Aunts and Uncles and cousins even if he/she is not playing with his/her father. The entire clan is being supported. I would assume that the family is provided for when the man dies.

Is it possible that our more western idea of hat a family is, mother, father, child(ren), is what is causing this reaction? If in Thailand the family is mother, father, child(ren), aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents then it is more then likely that the child is not looking for Dad to play catch.

Still not thrilled with the idea, but it could be that the extended view of a nuclear family mitigates the lose of a parent earlier in life.

And lets face it, how many people in the US can talk about playing catch with their Dad? I know that is the ideal but I played catch with my brothers, who did not play catch with Dad. Dad was working insane hours, travelling, and generally not home during our active hours. He was working to provide the "ideal" life for his family. It took its tool, he was depressed and required help and my two older siblings have struggled with their relationship with him. But we all went to private universities with no debt, are successful adults, and have made some different choices as parents that emphasize having both parents at home. And we all see out parents on a regular basis and love them.

I grew up in a middle class neighborhood and I would say that my experience was closer to the norm then the Dad playing catch.

It sounds like the Western Dude with a little bit of money is happy to find companionship and start a fmaily late in life. The Thai women is happy to find someone who can care for her family. The child misses out on an active Dad but is being raised in a culture with a different idea of what family is then we have in the US. It sure sounds like a financial arrangement for the Thai woman and a sense of something for the Western Dude.

Not a big fan of it but it seems to work in some way for all the parties involved.
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Old 06-24-2013, 01:37 PM   #22713
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[QUOTE=ProfCrash;2551684]I am not a big fan of Winer/Summer relationships but it seems like this is excepted in Thailand and in some ways beneficial. You are describing a large family that is connected. More likely then not, the child is playing with Aunts and Uncles and cousins even if he/she is not playing with his/her father. [/quote ]

Yes, that's what happens. Many kids are raised by Grandma.

Quote:
The entire clan is being supported. I would assume that the family is provided for when the man dies.
There is money as long as the guy is alive to collect his pension. Once he dies and the pension stops, everybody is up the creek until someone can latch on to another rice bowl. Usually, mother goes back to being a bar girl.

Quote:
Is it possible that our more western idea of hat a family is, mother, father, child(ren), is what is causing this reaction?
No doubt about that. I putting western values on a different culture that doesn't need them.

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If in Thailand the family is mother, father, child(ren), aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents then it is more then likely that the child is not looking for Dad to play catch.
Yes and no. While the extended family is there, it's still mom and dad who take first responsibility. Thai kids like to have both around but put up with them being gone only because of necessity.

Quote:
It sounds like the Western Dude with a little bit of money is happy to find companionship and start a fmaily late in life. The Thai women is happy to find someone who can care for her family. The child misses out on an active Dad but is being raised in a culture with a different idea of what family is then we have in the US. It sure sounds like a financial arrangement for the Thai woman and a sense of something for the Western Dude.
That is exactly what it is; a contract to provide for both parties. Each knows their role. She gets the financial security and he gets companionship of a very young woman. Something he could never get back in the US, Canada, UK, Australia, etc. And she WILL treat him like a King, waiting on him hand and foot, catering to his every whim and wish... so long as the checks keep rolling in. Her only other option is prostitution. It's the only occupation that pays enough per week to support a large family if no one else is working due to old age or illness. It's only the children who suffer for it in the long run.

[quote]Not a big fan of it but it seems to work in some way for all the parties involved QUOTE]

That it does. But it still bothers me to see it.


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Old 06-24-2013, 02:40 PM   #22714
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Especially if the man doesn't leave something for the woman in his will. That is plain bullshit.

In many ways it is a form of prostitution, he is paying for companionship and sex. You hope that there are some genuine feelings there but who knows.
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Old 06-24-2013, 07:25 PM   #22715
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Cats! Constantly dreaming up new ways to injure me!

So ... I have a Lazy-Boy recliner for my reading chair - Stella sleeps on the back of it .. when she relaxes a foot will slide down alongside my head. Cute huh? And when she wants attention, she will kick me in the head with her hind foot. Sweet?

Well, tonight, she fell off the back of the chair ... sliding down the right side .... onto my arm ... which now has a colorful array of puncture wounds and long scratches when she tried to hold on ... but ended up on the floor ....

I buy Band-Aids by the gross ... Stella is huge & clumsy ... and I seem to be her designated "spotter" ....
Maybe she needs ballet lessons? Or Velcro shoes?
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Old 06-24-2013, 09:14 PM   #22716
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Originally Posted by ProfCrash View Post
Especially if the man doesn't leave something for the woman in his will. That is plain bullshit.
Very true, but doesn't happen often. It's all too common that the man chose to retire here because his pension wasn't sufficient to live in his home country. Living 'Thai Style,' a single man can live comfortably for $8,000-$10,000 a year. Try that in the US or Canada... So it's common that there is nothing in the bank when he dies.

Quote:
In many ways it is a form of prostitution, he is paying for companionship and sex. You hope that there are some genuine feelings there but who knows.
That is precisely what it is, and the main form of commerce for so many people here. And, actually, in both directions. He's paying cash for companionship and she's paying with her body for financial security.

Although technically illegal, it's the ONLY way an uneducated woman can earn enough to support a family, and as common as sand. A bar girl isn't looked down upon in Thailand the way she would be in Western cultures. She isn't selling herself for drugs or jewelery. She's doing it for the survival of her extended family. In some cases, survival of her entire village (in the case of Hill tribe women working the bars.) When she goes back to her village, she's respected for her sacrifice although people won't talk about just what she's doing as that sacrifice. The MAJORITY of men who marry Thai women met them when the women were working the bars.


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Old 06-25-2013, 04:17 PM   #22717
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Not up to the standards of other posts here, but here's my rant.

Yesterday I had to make a round trip to pick up my son. It's almost 200 miles each way, most of that on the New York Thruway. Going up, I bought a couple of coffees at the rest areas. Coming back the shops were closed and we had to use vending machines for his sodas and snacks.

Every single vending machine took my dollar bills and short changed me! Every single one! Which meant I didn't have change for the next machine -- which short changed me!

Seriously, it adds up!

So, I'm calling all the vending companies for refunds. They've all promised to mail refunds, but I'd love to know how much each 75 cent refund is really going to cost after they count up personnel costs, postage, the phone costs, etc.



And then I'm going to be depositing checks for 75 cents each.

It's actually pretty funny, if you take the long view.
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Old 06-26-2013, 03:38 PM   #22718
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The sad part is for every one of us who insist on a refund how many hundreds just blow it off and let them have their quarters? All of those quarters add up to nimium denarii!

Last edited by wodin; 06-26-2013 at 03:45 PM.
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Old 06-26-2013, 04:09 PM   #22719
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LOL cromag! As Wodin says, though, those quarters do add up.

Good news! I get a reprieve until Aug. 2 re: work and they will probably keep me part-time after that until I find something full-time or they find someone who will do part-time more permanently (I can't).

They can do this because enough employees retired or quit in other departments to save the library a bit. Since there seem to be 70 or 80 other applicants for the jobs I am applying for, I can use some more time.
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Old 06-26-2013, 04:40 PM   #22720
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Three rants for the price of one from me today!

Been watching the Wimbledon tennis tournament, and here are my beefs;

1. Women's tennis is now unwatchable because of the shrieking and grunting that accompanies every shot. What the hell is that all about? I started to watch Sharapova's match today, but had to turn it off. I just couldn't stand the racket (pun intended ) any longer.

2. When did it become impossible to get through a game of tennis without toweling yourself down? Just play the damn match and forget about mopping yourself down all the damn time

3. Rudeness. The players are so bloody rude. With regard to the toweling yourself off thing, when they want the towel (roughly every 30 seconds), they just point to the ballboy who has the towel and grunt. Having used the towel they then just throw it back in the general direction of the ballboy. Would it kill them to show some basic courtesy?

Thankyou
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Old 06-26-2013, 05:45 PM   #22721
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cromag View Post
Not up to the standards of other posts here, but here's my rant.

Yesterday I had to make a round trip to pick up my son. It's almost 200 miles each way, most of that on the New York Thruway. Going up, I bought a couple of coffees at the rest areas. Coming back the shops were closed and we had to use vending machines for his sodas and snacks.

Every single vending machine took my dollar bills and short changed me! Every single one! Which meant I didn't have change for the next machine -- which short changed me!

Seriously, it adds up!

So, I'm calling all the vending companies for refunds. They've all promised to mail refunds, but I'd love to know how much each 75 cent refund is really going to cost after they count up personnel costs, postage, the phone costs, etc.



And then I'm going to be depositing checks for 75 cents each.

It's actually pretty funny, if you take the long view.
Good for you!
As others have said, those little bit add up.

That reminds me of how my mother has found the perfect way to annoy big companies when they make her mad. When paying a bill add an extra 5 cents or so. They are legally obliged to pay it back. Most companies write several letters, to inform you that you paid too much, that you should provide them your bank account number, when they have paid you back, etc. All in all the effort they have to put in costs more than the money they owe you. And they never seem to think of the idea to deduct the money you paid too much from next month's bill.
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Old 06-26-2013, 08:08 PM   #22722
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After the second time of having been charged a late fee for being a few cents below the minimum payment, I now ALWAYS round up to the nearest multiple of $5.00. And I always have a credit balance which is then deducted from my next bill. Or in the case of credit or mortgage accounts is applied to the principle.
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Old 06-27-2013, 02:55 AM   #22723
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I love Lexie very much but it's very inconvenient that she doesn't keep people-hours. Lexie is mostly active at night and since the fire she has chosen to make my rooms her place (probably because it's most quiet).

I have a cat flap in the door, which I put in because Nikita could open the door. This wasn't a big problem in summer but in winter all warmth would escape my room because she couldn't close it. Nikita would often sleep on my bed at night but she kept people hours. She might go in and out one or twice a night but it wouldn't wake me up.

Lexie is constantly in and out at night and I keep waking up. This is because she doesn't like the cat flap and takes it at a run so it makes even more noise than when she would go through it at a normal pace. I already took off the magnets but that didn't help much.

Online I saw a flexible cat flap and I'm wondering if that'll be more quiet. However, it's nearly €60 so a bit too expensive to try out. In the past my father had made a cat flap with a piece of foam because the cats we had at the time had a tendency to get stuck in the traditional flaps (when half way through deciding to go back). But for Lexie I should get a clear material because she wants to see if it's safe to go through.

I need to think about it for a while I guess.
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Old 06-27-2013, 03:12 AM   #22724
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Good for you!
As others have said, those little bit add up.

That reminds me of how my mother has found the perfect way to annoy big companies when they make her mad. When paying a bill add an extra 5 cents or so. They are legally obliged to pay it back. Most companies write several letters, to inform you that you paid too much, that you should provide them your bank account number, when they have paid you back, etc. All in all the effort they have to put in costs more than the money they owe you. And they never seem to think of the idea to deduct the money you paid too much from next month's bill.
As noted, that doesn't always work here in the States. If you have an account with a company they may hold it against future purchases.* And we have had a very timely example!

Yesterday we got voice mail messages on my wife's cell phone, my cell phone, and our home phone from our local electric company warning us that we were scheduled to be disconnected next week for non-payment.

This came as a surprise to us, since we are usually very, very good about paying our bills on time. My wife does the bill paying, but we're both involved. After a lot of head scratching, we finally figured it out.

Our electric company is best known by its abbreviated name: three letters, an ampersand, and a letter. Like ABC&D.

Our gas company is best known by its abbreviated name: three different letters, an ampersand, and another different letter. Like WXY&Z.

When my wife set up the accounts for online payment she set it up so the gas company payments went to the gas company, and the electric company payments went to ... the gas company. (We're not going to have to worry about our gas bill for a few months.)

Anyway, payment made and we're all straightened out. Now.


* This has actually been convenient in the past, when I knew I was going to put a big purchase on the credit card next month and had just gotten a tax refund this month. I prepaid the bulk of the bill in one step. It was convenient, and the tax refund would have been in and out of my bank so quickly it really wouldn't have made any difference.
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Old 06-28-2013, 03:28 AM   #22725
Roger Parkinson
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Location: Auckland, New Zealand
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Originally Posted by Bilbo1967 View Post
Three rants for the price of one from me today!

Been watching the Wimbledon tennis tournament, and here are my beefs;

1. Women's tennis is now unwatchable because of the shrieking and grunting that accompanies every shot. What the hell is that all about? I started to watch Sharapova's match today, but had to turn it off. I just couldn't stand the racket (pun intended ) any longer.

2. When did it become impossible to get through a game of tennis without toweling yourself down? Just play the damn match and forget about mopping yourself down all the damn time

3. Rudeness. The players are so bloody rude. With regard to the toweling yourself off thing, when they want the towel (roughly every 30 seconds), they just point to the ballboy who has the towel and grunt. Having used the towel they then just throw it back in the general direction of the ballboy. Would it kill them to show some basic courtesy?

Thankyou
I wonder if this is all about 'look how hard I am working'.
eg have to grunt 'cos I hit the ball that hard, have to towel down 'cos I'm working so hard I'm dripping, and naturally I'm working far too hard to be polite to anyone.
It's all theatre of course, which doesn't mean it is good theatre.
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