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Old 01-16-2014, 07:42 AM   #1
Dr. Drib
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The Worst Books I've Read - And Loving it!

You know you love them. In fact, you can't resist them. They're everywhere. In the attic, mouldering. Or stuck in the dark recesses of a hidden drawer in the bathroom. (In fact, you wish you could flush them down the toilet, but then a plumber would have to be called.) Maybe you have one squirreled away in the kitchen cabinet, behind the garlic and mustard.

They call to you like two rodents having sex. In fact the call is so incessant, so wildly cacophonous that you want to clomp down on them with your overly large feet and squash the living daylights out of them.

But they keep coming back! These horrible novels that you can't resist! They're everywhere, like a mad Gerrold sequel to a lost Tribbles episode.

These are books so bad you feel like a witness to a train wreck, while standing nude in a crowd of hundreds of people. They're watching you watch the train wreck, aghast at your nakedness, at your sheer audacity!

You know: Like lines from a famous horror movie about a haunted car: "MY god! The car! It's in the garage!" As opposed to being in the dining room, for example, where all cars are parked.

Some of my favorite authors of horrible books include Richard S. Prather, whose sensibilities mirror the 50's and 60s, and now seem old-fashioned. Like a lustful drunk Uncle in a party of teenagers.

But I love these books!

In fact, some of the worst books ever written are books of mystery and detection - perhaps written by plumbers and sewage engineers? (Not that there's anything wrong those professions!)

Perhaps you have a few choice examples to share, along with some actual words to highlight so that we can laugh together. If we share our disease maybe we can be stronger, like the Borgs.

In the meantime, I'll be searching my complete set of Richard S. Prather for a few choice examples to share.




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Old 01-16-2014, 08:01 AM   #2
MichelleLouring
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...Do we have to have finished them? I gave up on the last 3 chapters of this truly terrible fantasy book that turned out to be more like a bizarre Harlequin romance.
I was sooo close to finishing it, but I just couldn't take the male lead angsting or the stupidity of the female lead anymore.

Can't really think of an awful book I have loved... I'll get back to you on that.
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Old 01-16-2014, 08:08 AM   #3
Dr. Drib
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Originally Posted by MichelleLouring View Post
...Do we have to have finished them? I gave up on the last 3 chapters of this truly terrible fantasy book that turned out to be more like a bizarre Harlequin romance.
I was sooo close to finishing it, but I just couldn't take the male lead angsting or the stupidity of the female lead anymore.

Can't really think of an awful book I have loved... I'll get back to you on that.

Absolutely not!

Torture can only go so far before death occurs!

A choice excerpt, perhaps?
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Old 01-16-2014, 09:04 AM   #4
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I've got one for you. I read it in my last year challenge reads. I did Alfred Bester a disservice which I will remedy in the future, but look at the cover, come on, look at it! How could I not read that book for the year 1980?

I give you:

Alfred Bester's Golem 100
image from wikipedia Golem 100 on wikipdeia

"Regina and her bee-ladies, bored members of the elite, while away the idle hours by playing at conjuring the Devil - a game which leads to horrifying consequences. Alfred Bester's other novels include "Tiger, Tiger", "Extro" and "The Demolished Man"."

Bee-ladies? I kid you not.
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Old 01-16-2014, 09:07 AM   #5
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Yeah, that's a cheesy looking cover, alright.

I like Bester's work, but I have yet to read that one.
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Old 01-16-2014, 11:13 AM   #6
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Golem100 and Extro both have a fairly bad reputation, but I remember reading and liking them many years ago. I can't remember a thing about Golem100, mind you. I'm dubious as to whether anything like that picture appears in the book.
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Old 01-16-2014, 12:51 PM   #7
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Urshurak by the Brothers Hildebrandt and some other guy you never heard of.

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Old 01-16-2014, 12:54 PM   #8
HomeInMyShoes
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^I need to read that. I enjoyed Golem 100, but I went in with expectations to match the experience. I got what I wanted out of it and it was fun. I do want to read The Demolished Man and The Stars My Destination at some point.
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Old 01-16-2014, 01:11 PM   #9
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Jacqueline Susann's Valley of the Dolls and V.C. Andrews's Flowers in the Attic.
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Old 01-16-2014, 01:48 PM   #10
Dr. Drib
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Jacqueline Susann's Valley of the Dolls and V.C. Andrews's Flowers in the Attic.

Choice quotes?
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Old 01-16-2014, 03:56 PM   #11
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Matthew Reilly's Scarecrow series. I don't have quotes since mine are pbooks currently on the other side of the world. Couldn't get into his more recent series though.

Not the worst books I've read, but the worst that I've read but still enjoyed.

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Old 01-16-2014, 05:13 PM   #12
Dr. Drib
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From the pen of Robert Leslie Bellem, one of the most entertainingly bad writers ever:


"A girl clerk came toward me. She was young, she had tawny hair, and she owned a carload of oomph. She wore a tailored skirt that outlined her nice, slender hips; and her mannish silk blouse disclosed the outlines of tender young whatchallems, firm and solid. She smiled at me, lifted an eyebrow."

[Murder's Messenger]
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Old 01-16-2014, 08:49 PM   #13
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Originally Posted by BenG View Post
Urshurak by the Brothers Hildebrandt and some other guy you never heard of.

You mean that someone else actually read that book? The only reason I bought that was because I really liked the Brothers Hidebrandt. I bought their LOTR calendars for several years.
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Old 01-16-2014, 09:05 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. Drib View Post
From the pen of Robert Leslie Bellem, one of the most entertainingly bad writers ever:


"A girl clerk came toward me. She was young, she had tawny hair, and she owned a carload of oomph. She wore a tailored skirt that outlined her nice, slender hips; and her mannish silk blouse disclosed the outlines of tender young whatchallems, firm and solid. She smiled at me, lifted an eyebrow."

[Murder's Messenger]

Wow. Just, um...wow. I'm afraid I haven't read anything that quite reaches that level of "entertainingly bad".
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Old 01-16-2014, 09:50 PM   #15
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Venus on the Half Shell by Kilgore Trout (Philip Jose farmer)
Kilgore Trout was a fictional author in some of Kurt Vonnegut's books and I was quite excited when I stumbled on this book in a used bookstore way back when. Not that I thought it was a good book but I was a huge fan of both Vonnegut and Farmer and found it amusing.
Quote:


Queen Margaret of the planet Shaltoon let her gown fall to the floor. She was
wearing nothing underneath. "Your travels are over, Space Wanderer," she
whispered, her voice husky with lust. "Seek no more, for you have found. The
answer is in my arms."
"It's a glorious answer, Queen Margaret, God knows," the Space Wanderer replied.
"I am going to accept it gratefully. But I have to tell you that I will have to
be on my way again tomorrow."
"But you have found your answer, you have found your answer!" she cried, and she
forced his head between her fragrant young breasts.
He said something that she did not hear. She thrust him out at arm's length.
"What was that you said?"
"I said, Queen Margaret, that what you offer is an awfully good answer. It just
doesn't happen to be the one I'm primarily looking for."

Helen
I admit to getting
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