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Old 10-01-2013, 09:15 AM   #121
Dr. Drib
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Freeshadow View Post
"It's so boring, that it could pass as a modern novel." - tought the PI while leafing trough the victims diary.

That one doesn't work: You must have only one sentence. Please re-write.





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Old 10-01-2013, 09:23 AM   #122
Prestidigitweeze
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. Drib View Post
That one doesn't work: You must have only one sentence. Please re-write.
It looks as though Freeshadow meant to type a comma instead of a period.

Freeshadow: I hope this doesn't offend you because I'm only trying to help.

Replace the period after novel with a comma, delete the floating hyphen that follows it, replace the word trough with through and add the possessive to victims so that it appears as victim's. Then your submission will be perfect.

I'd also specify what it is at the beginning of the sentence.

Fair copy:

Quote:
"This tome is so boring that it could pass for a modern novel," thought the PI while leafing through the victim's diary.
—Freeshadow (not Prestidigitweeze)
If you like, I'll delete this post after you work on your sentence.

Last edited by Prestidigitweeze; 10-01-2013 at 01:44 PM.
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Old 10-01-2013, 09:59 AM   #123
Dr. Drib
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Oh, Ok. That's fine. -- Thanks.

(If you don't mind, I'm going to boldface the above quote.)


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Old 10-01-2013, 11:07 AM   #124
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Fits, keep it so.
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Old 10-04-2013, 10:18 AM   #125
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You just can't keep down a good fish.


I let Jebidiah Weymarsh into my apartment and told him of the ghastly horror that had seeped up through the floorboards: “Sorry for the fish smell, Weymarsh,” I said by way of introduction, “but the fan above my oven broke last night whilst preparing a fried grouper fillet; however, more troublesome were the ululations – more pronounced last night than the previous night – when a giant fissure opened up in my bedroom and swallowed my wife Zelda, her suitcase, her clothes, my car, her photos and our good china, not to mention my checkbook and credit cards.”





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Old 10-04-2013, 10:54 AM   #126
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"She had anger in her heart and an unquenchable fire between her legs."
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Old 10-04-2013, 11:33 AM   #127
Graham
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"""""Recursed again!" howled the witch," the hero said," sang the bard," the evening paper said," confided the barman.

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Old 10-06-2013, 12:43 PM   #128
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Quote:
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"""""Recursed again!" howled the witch," the hero said," sang the bard," the evening paper said," confided the barman.

Graham


“Recursive again!” howled the witch and then the witch howled yet again, “Again recursive!”


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Old 10-06-2013, 01:13 PM   #129
Graham
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Heh, heh. I did think of ending mine with 'confided the witch' rather than the barman, but it didn't read as well.

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Old 10-06-2013, 01:18 PM   #130
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Welcome, dear reader, to the first chapter of our real-time novelisation, "They Went To The Stars", in which our intrepid heroes launch their generation ship, Lazarus.

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Old 10-06-2013, 01:22 PM   #131
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"Cursive!" cursed the witch, "How in hell am I supposed to read this cursed curse when that cursed wizard had to write it in his cursed illegible cursive!"

Last edited by doubleshuffle; 10-06-2013 at 01:25 PM.
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Old 10-06-2013, 01:24 PM   #132
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Quote:
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Welcome, dear reader, to the first chapter of our real-time novelisation, "They Went To The Stars", in which our intrepid heroes launch their generation ship, Lazarus.

Graham
Brilliant. Can't wait for the next installment. Will there be time to grab a coffee?
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Old 10-06-2013, 02:11 PM   #133
Dr. Drib
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And so, we now come to our second chapter, a truly marvelous chapter in which Dorothy The Midget marries Mister Hippo, but first we must talk about how to prevent unwanted pregnancies and a safe way to use condoms.



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Old 10-06-2013, 07:08 PM   #134
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Old 10-06-2013, 11:00 PM   #135
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He was so terrifying that all the bullets I shot at his heart ran and hid behind the mantle.

Last edited by Dr. Drib; 10-07-2013 at 09:57 AM. Reason: bold-faced his sentence.
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