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Old 04-27-2011, 01:03 PM   #1036
Vandy
...always be humble.
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Hi, All.

@crich70 The Horn

Good story in this piece. Really nice word imagery and a nice flow, although; the rhythm of the couplets seemed a bit rough to me. Overall, though, a good read.

I do agree with your comment concerning "expanding it to something larger". It certainly has the makings of becoming a great epic poem.

Regards,

Vandy
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Old 04-27-2011, 05:04 PM   #1037
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On epic poems: http://listverse.com/2008/07/06/top-...st-epic-poems/

Epics aren't easy, the longest I've managed was 1,039 words, which I wrote as a story for a science class in college (yes, I got an A).

And Vandy, thank you!

Crich, I like it, but it feels choppy to me because of how it looks. The way it's separated on the page makes me lose the flow that would otherwise come natural to it.
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Old 04-27-2011, 07:08 PM   #1038
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Quote:
Originally Posted by crich70 View Post
Thanks caleb72. Actually the idea of Epic Poetry goes way back in history. The Epic of Gilgamesh is epic poetry for example. Wikipedia defines it as
Ah so I didn't just make it up. I thought I might have because I'm not great on poetry terminology in general.

As an angsty teen I wrote so much poetry, but I never took any time to really learn much about it and although I studied literature, I can't recall much of the technicalities that we learned.

Anyway, found my narrative poem. I attempted to improve on it a little, but what it really needs is a dozen more stanzas and a rework of the existing stanzas. I think I was 16 or 17 when I originally wrote this although the exact time is lost forever.

BEOWULF

The heated air was blasting
Through the tangled shreds of hair
That sat upon the thick skull
And whipped throughout the lair.

Around a hundred years of rest
Had changed its appearance well
But now it was time for thunder
As it slowly rose from Hell.

Up its claw was lifted
And the wind increased to raging
And its shrieks brought all hell's fury
And foul spirits it was paging.

A flash of lightening
A roll of thunder
The gale ascending
A sound from under.

Then from a distance
Broke a ray of light
That cut straight through the darkness
And set it burning bright.

The beast it howled in madness
And again the wind increased
But the lightning stopped together
With the thunder that had ceased.

The light began to flicker
And fade in part as well
But it did not dare to yield
To this raging hound of Hell.

The beast began to stagger
And claw itself with dread
But the light would show no mercy
And the creature was soon dead.

Regards
Caleb
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Old 04-27-2011, 07:44 PM   #1039
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Wonderful!
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Old 04-27-2011, 09:35 PM   #1040
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I like it Caleb, and I'd love to see a longer version if you ever edit it.
Some of the best poetry is written in those tumultuous years when emotion is overflowing. I was in 7th grade when I wrote the one I posted.
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Old 04-27-2011, 11:48 PM   #1041
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What started me off was a poetry contest in a newspaper when I was in college. No entrance fee, just a .25 stamp and a poem any style/subject. I wrote one titled "Cupid" which appeared in an anthology in 1993.

"Cupid"

Cupid travels both far and wide,
and from his arrows you cannot hide.

Cupid's bow is small but strong,
you may escape but not for long.

His arrows never miss their aim,
yet they never rend, tear, or maim.

He is never seen but is always near,
and weaves mans courage from his deepest fear.

He is small in stature, but big in power,
for in his presence love will flower.

I favor the couplet format a bit.
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Old 04-28-2011, 05:05 AM   #1042
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Old 04-28-2011, 01:16 PM   #1043
Vandy
...always be humble.
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@caleb72 Beowulf

Well told story with great word imagery. You can almost feel the beast's breath upon your neck.

I really like the structure of your poem and your rhyming pattern is very nice.

This is really an excellent piece!


@crich70 Cupid

Your couplets work beautifully in this poem. I absolutely LOVE the story you've told. Excellent word imagery -- great humor -- wonderful flow.

Thank you for sharing thgis excellent poem.


Regards,
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Old 04-28-2011, 11:16 PM   #1044
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You're welcome Vandy. Thanks again for the : GeoffC.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Vandy View Post
@caleb72 Beowulf

Well told story with great word imagery. You can almost feel the beast's breath upon your neck.

I really like the structure of your poem and your rhyming pattern is very nice.

This is really an excellent piece!


@crich70 Cupid

Your couplets work beautifully in this poem. I absolutely LOVE the story you've told. Excellent word imagery -- great humor -- wonderful flow.

Thank you for sharing thgis excellent poem.


Regards,
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Old 05-02-2011, 12:29 PM   #1045
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The End of Something


Never is it good to celebrate death
even that of a mortal enemy.

Each life is precious - a fold in the fabric
a fist raised against the uncaring universe.


Kenny A. Chaffin – 5/2/2011
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Old 05-02-2011, 03:47 PM   #1046
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Interesting. I myself have the situation of dealing with 2 deaths at the moment. One more personal than the other. There is Bin Laden on the one side, and a neighbor who was a friend on the other. Both are sad in their own way. Bin Laden could have lived a far different life than he did and not have so many relieved that he's now gone. I miss my friend who hadn't hurt anyone (that I know of). Her death was natural so far as I know. Anyway I get what you mean in the poem I think GeoffC.
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Old 05-02-2011, 04:17 PM   #1047
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Originally Posted by crich70 View Post
Interesting. I myself have the situation of dealing with 2 deaths at the moment. One more personal than the other. There is Bin Laden on the one side, and a neighbor who was a friend on the other. Both are sad in their own way. Bin Laden could have lived a far different life than he did and not have so many relieved that he's now gone. I miss my friend who hadn't hurt anyone (that I know of). Her death was natural so far as I know. Anyway I get what you mean in the poem I think GeoffC.
Note, that poem was Kennyc's ....
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Old 05-02-2011, 07:11 PM   #1048
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Originally Posted by GeoffC View Post
The End of Something


Never is it good to celebrate death
even that of a mortal enemy.

Each life is precious - a fold in the fabric
a fist raised against the uncaring universe.


Kenny A. Chaffin – 5/2/2011
-------------------------------
Hmmm...

I do understand that this is Kenny's piece.

I completely understand the thoughts and reasoning behind this piece. Death is a tragedy and a certainly and cannot be undone.

Nonetheless, I must say that my fist was raised today and my voice chanted, "USA!! USA!! USA!!"

If that makes me a "bad person" or a "bloodthirsty beast", I can only say that the first blood was not drawn by me.

Regards,
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Old 05-03-2011, 04:15 AM   #1049
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Ooops. Sorry about that. Didn't mean to mis-attribute the poem.
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Old 05-03-2011, 06:19 AM   #1050
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Ooops. Sorry about that. Didn't mean to mis-attribute the poem.
No problem .... maybe I should have emboldened his name ...
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