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Old 06-09-2013, 12:05 PM   #1
BeccaPrice
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looking for a word

in these sentences:

Quote:
For Snarls hate barbers, and anyone who washes and cuts hair. Most of all, however, they hate their natural enemies, the Combs and Brushes, Water and Soap.
One of my alpha readers objected to the word hate - says they prefer not to use it around their children. I can see that. But the Snarls are the villains in the piece, and to say simply "strongly dislike" or "deeply dislike" doesn't get across the intensity of the emotion.

any better word suggestions?
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Old 06-09-2013, 12:22 PM   #2
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Despise?
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Old 06-09-2013, 01:18 PM   #3
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I'll go ask my alpha reader if he has as strong an objection to despise as he did to hate - I like it, though, so unless I hear differently that's what I'll go with. Thanks!
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Old 06-09-2013, 01:40 PM   #4
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Loathe? I once heard 'hate' described as the opposite of 'love - love with its back turned, if you like. At any rate, hate seems to require some sort of active emotional investment. It's a hot sort of feeling.

Loathe, on the other hand, is dislike turned up to eleven, with elements of contempt. A cold sort of emotion.

To me, despise is a different sort of emotion altogether. It's just a complete lack of respect: you can despise someone without disliking them, and certainly without hating them. In fact, if you despise someone you probably don't respect them enough to hate them or loathe them.

On the other hand, two things occur:
1. If you are writing for children, you need to use words they understand, and will also get across the relationship between the Snarls and the Combs etc that you want to portray.
2. The book is yours. Before cutting out words from your vocabulary, make sure that it's really what you want to do. Parents have all sorts of opinions about what they will and won't allow their children to see, hear and otherwise experience - some of which opinions are not commonly shared. Some parents also don't believe in allowing their children to learn that meat comes from animals, for instance.

But then, I just read books; I don't write them... :-)
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Old 06-09-2013, 02:08 PM   #5
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Detest, abominate, abhor? Keep in mind, no matter what word you use, someone will object to it. Since this is for children, keep it simple and stick with hate. Personally, I feel the parent that objected to the word "hate" is overprotecting her/his children. Hate is a natural emotion that shouldn't be suppressed. Instead, it should be directed toward appropriate targets. For example, a child should be taught that it is alright to hate something someone does but to differentiate that hatred from the rest of the person.
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Old 06-09-2013, 02:14 PM   #6
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Revile is another word that would work.
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Old 06-09-2013, 02:51 PM   #7
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To keep it simple, fear? Not quite the same meaning, but might flow better
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Old 06-09-2013, 03:20 PM   #8
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Actually, it sounds just fine the way it is. The word "hate" is a passionate word. If you change it to "despise" or "loathe"...you are investing somethign more than hate, i think. Somethign worse than hate, actually. You have the original hate, then you pour on a level of disgust and disrespect, etc.

Also, this is for kids, and kids know exactly what hate means. And they know what it means in regards to dragons and elves and wizards and villains, etc. I don't know the story this excerpt is from...but it sounds almost "comedic", in that some creature or thing called a "Snarl" hates to be clean, otherwise why would you hate a barber or soap and water, and all these things that could potentially "clean you up."

Within that context, i think hate works really well. It's like saying cats hate water. Who would argue with that?
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Old 06-09-2013, 04:46 PM   #9
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It is comedic - it's about combing out snarls from fine, long, or curly hair when the person being combed does *not* like being combed.

In my text, I've changed it to "hate and fear" because that seems to get the notion across best. If a parent doesn't like the word "hate" they can change it when they read it.
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Old 06-09-2013, 04:57 PM   #10
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Too late to suggest "dread?"
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Old 06-09-2013, 09:09 PM   #11
aecardenas
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Ah okay. Yes in this context Cromags suggestion of "dread" works really well.
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Old 06-10-2013, 07:35 AM   #12
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did you change both to "hate and fear" ?
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Old 06-10-2013, 10:19 AM   #13
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Yeah, I changed both to "hate and fear" - I like the rhythm of the sentences with that in.
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Old 06-10-2013, 11:24 AM   #14
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Quote:
For Snarls hate barbers, and anyone who washes and cuts hair. Most of all, however, they hate their natural enemies, the Combs and Brushes, Water and Soap.
The snarls do sound like interesting, unpleasant characters from your description of them Becca.
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Old 06-10-2013, 11:53 AM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by crich70 View Post
The snarls do sound like interesting, unpleasant characters from your description of them Becca.
Oh, they are! If you've ever tried to comb out long, fine hair on a girl with a sensitive scalp, you'd know just how unpleasant they can be!
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