April 2012 New Book Club Vote [April Fool]

[sun surfer]

Help us choose a book for the April 2012 New Book Club!

Select from the following Official Choices with three nominations each:



Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov

Spoiler:

The heartwarming and family-friendly book that’s beloved by people with spheniscine avatars and lupine usernames everywhere.

In Search of Lost Time by Marcel Proust

Spoiler:

Can't find Time? Search here! This breezy book clocks in at a slim 4211 pages, but some may find it too light and quick of a read.

Moby Dick by Herman Melville

Spoiler:

The universally loved fast-paced edge-of-your-seat can’t-put-down page-turner. Some say the writing could've been a little more descriptive and fleshed-out, though.

Winter’s Heart: Book Nine of “The Wheel of Time” by Robert Jordan

Spoiler:

Because the ninth book in a series is the best place to start.

How To Avoid Huge Ships by Captain John W. Trimmer

Spoiler:

A primer on how to avoid huge ships.

"I was jogging around the block when all of a sudden I was almost struck by a huge ship! Thankfully I had read How to Avoid Huge Ships. I have lived to tell the tale and now I only hope future generations read this lifesaver." - Marai

"This book was very helpful and informative, i have myself been run over by huge ships a total of 27 and a half times, well the half time wasnt a huge ship it was more of a really really big boat, and i was sick of it. I read the book and found exactly what I was doing wrong." - Robert Frost

On Amazon

Everyone Poops by Taro Gomi

Spoiler:

This tasteful and classy tome is a bit lengthy at 27 pages, but well worth all the time expended. May be a bit too dense for some.

“"An elephant makes a big poop. A mouse makes a tiny poop," and so the text goes...” - Publishers Weekly

On Amazon

The Very Virile Viking by Sandra Hill

Spoiler:

Magnus Ericsson and his ten children by various wenches (OK, nine, one got left behind) have accidentally time travelled from their Viking village into modern-day Hollywood. Oops! Hijinks and sexy-time ensue as Magnus falls for a winemaker named Angela, has to deal with his rambunctious children and also finds his long-missing brothers who time-travelled ahead of him sometime before.

On Amazon

The 2007-2012 Outlook for Public Building Stacking Chairs Excluding Bar, Bowling Center, Cafeteria, Library, Restaurant, and School Stacking Chairs in India by Philip M. Parker

Spoiler:

One of the world’s most popular books of the last decade, it covers the latent demand outlook for public building stacking chairs excluding bar, bowling center, cafeteria, library, restaurant, and school stacking chairs across the states, union territories and cities of India.

"You should really read it in the original Hindi. The English translation fails to convey the author's passion for the topic." - D. Wechsler

"Well, it seems that everything is being outsourced to India, including the latent demand for institutional stacking chairs." - James M. O’Connell

"This book was riveting from page one. I was extremely disappointed that bowling centers were excluded, however, as that is my main area of interest as it relates to stackable chairs." - Richard D. Stahr

On Amazon

Dildo Cay by Nelson Hayes

Spoiler:

An enlightened and perennial literary classic that was written in 1940 and published by Houghton Mifflin, and even adapted into a motion picture. From the inside flap:

"Ainsworths do not marry for love. They choose their women to carry on the line–thoroughbreds who can endure the loneliness and the eternal wind of the Ainsworth island – Dildo Cay. This speck in the Atlantic lies six hundred miles southeast of Great Bahama. Here the Ainsworths have lived for eleven generations–the one white family among two hundred blacks.

Young Adrian Ainsworth has followed the family tradition in selecting his wife, Mary. Then Carol arrives with her father, hired to revive the salt industry on which the livelihood of the Ainsworths and the blacks depends. Carol is a glittering and sophisticated creature caught in a strange situation. Adrian’s deep, growing desire for Carol and the tension between her arrogant father and the blacks mount to an electric climax. Without sentimentality, but with a powerful honesty, the author paints a consuming passion against a romantic and exotic background."

Microwave For One by Sonia Allison

Spoiler:

Lauded as an essential and classic book for the haute cuisine crowd.

“I must say that this has probably been the most helpful thing since prometheus stole fire from the gods. However, I would not recommend making the Manhattans in the microwave, as they bubble over.” - Scotchswiller

"I was looking pretty pale and anemic from eating my soup cold from the can when this book showed up on my doorstep. I have no idea who sent it to me but I am eternally grateful! I had a hard time with some of the recipes because I couldn't tell if my soup was hot enough yet. I solved the problem by putting some cardboard into my Microwave's latch and now I can cook with the door open so I can stick my finger in the soup to know when it's done. I feel like I'm eating better and my coworkers even say that my face has more color. Thank you whoever sent me this gift and thank you Sonia for writing it -- you've saved my life!" - J. Stephen

On Amazon

The fine print:
Through a series of polls, we have all agreed to new rules for the New Book Club, starting this month:

Spoiler:

This poll is multiple choice. The rules, as agreed upon by our members in seven and a half previous polls, are thus:

-If your username has an even amount of letters, you may vote for 2-4 choices.

-If your username has an odd amount of letters, you may vote for either 1 or 5 choices.

-Special circumstance: As unanimously agreed to in a special poll, if your username happens to begin with a J and also end in an F, you may vote for as many choices as you like, but your selections must either be a sequel or Lolita.


If there is a tie, we have decided through a poll that the best tie-breaker is to stand in the middle of Stonehenge with the tied books and see which one has the best vibrations. Or flip a coin. The poll on tie-breaking tied, so we will alternate methods.


This vote poll will be ONE DAY in length. After that, you will have one day to read the book. Some felt that was too long but we can re-discuss that later.


We have decided as a group to use the same nominations each month from now until we’ve selected and read all ten choices, to the delight of everyone.


And one final thing:

Spoiler:

Happy April Fool’s!

[issybird]

This is great.

[orlok]

Excellent, sun surfer. Best one so far today .

[Hamlet53]

Very clever. The Very Virile Viking is what I imagine when I think of a romance novel. The 2007-2012 Outlook for Public Building Stacking Chairs Excluding Bar, Bowling Center, Cafeteria, Library, Restaurant, and School Stacking Chairs in India sound so good. But I well have to put off voting for it until I am sure I can borrow it from my local library.

[Asawi]

OMG!!!!

The spoilers are superb!

Now I need to decide my vote(s)! Odd number of letters...1 or 5 choices...

[Synamon]

This is very hard. I'm a huge fan of the ninth book of a series, but damn that virile viking is tempting. And who doesn't love a little Proust?

[hpulley]

No luck with inkmesh searches

[Filark]

Oh thank you for this!!

Happy day indeed!

[paola]

very very funny, loved it!

[lila55]

Beautiful!

[fantasyfan]

[JSWolf]

I've about 130 pages left.

[The Terminator]

Nice, just saw this today.