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Old 08-05-2011, 11:03 AM   #1
LauraFenix
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Please rate the quality of translation [Russian > English]

My girlfriend - known in Russian writer Alexander von Lorenz. She writes romantic novels for women. In Russia there are published four of her novel. She has written over 10 novels. Now her novels translated into Italian and German. English translators are also offered their services. But Alexander has no friends, who spoke in English as native.
Could you assess the quality of translations, which sent her?
I think Englishman can be seen on the front pages of text that a translator is good or bad
Thank you all.
Sorry for my English
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File Type: doc Teuton Е Стивенс.doc (56.0 KB, 64 views)
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Old 08-05-2011, 11:07 AM   #2
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That is another translator longlayn
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File Type: doc лонглайн Юлии.doc (19.5 KB, 73 views)
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Old 08-05-2011, 01:06 PM   #3
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If she is an published Russian author with a firm command of the language then the first file you linked is rubbish. I don't know Russian but that English is painful to read. Bear in mind I am not a romance reader so perhaps someone else will chime in and tell us some of my complaints are normal conventions for the genre.

The very first line's grammar, "Through a wide snowy meadow covered with low shrubs, stormed a white-maned mare with a girl in the saddle." made me wince. It should read without a separate leading clause, like "A white-maned mare with a girl in the saddle stormed through a wide snowy meadow covered with low shrubs." There is a minor issue of what the meadow is covered with. We usually say the snow covers a snowy meadow, not the shrubs. Are the shrubs snow-covered, sticking up through the snow, or ?

There are too many hyphens and not enough notations for dialog. Dialog should be enclosed in quotes.

I don't agree with many of the colons. Example from page one, "Radmila would do everything for her favorite: feeding Goluba first, eating herself – perhaps." Colons are for lists or examples.

There are pure translation errors. For example (top of page two), in "... a terrible drought exhausted Russian land." In English we would would write there either "the Russian land" or "Russia."

Some words may be poor choices but I don't know who to blame. On page 3, a semi-conscious dying man's hand is unlikely to "quail" at a touch, meaning an intended fearful recoil.

I have to also question the author's writing skill even in her native language because of things like jumping from Radmilla's head to Ulrich's head. Omniscient viewpoint is normally very weak, the mark of a novice.

There are too many substitutes for "said" in the dialog. The girl yelled, the midwives plead, the girl later whispers, thinks out loud, etcetera. Some of that is useful but not as much as I see. Substitutes for said should be used sparingly.

Another example is the paragraph continued at the top of the second page. It has far too much telling-not-showing all at once. You have to wake the reader up after slogging through that.

Last edited by Penforhire; 08-07-2011 at 11:11 AM.
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Old 08-05-2011, 10:23 PM   #4
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Maybe the translator was babelfish?
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Old 08-06-2011, 06:00 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jaxx6166 View Post
Maybe the translator was babelfish?
Sorry, I can not translate this word
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Old 08-06-2011, 06:05 PM   #6
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Thank you for your post, Penforhire!
I think the translator did not speak English
My English is too poor, and the translation I use Google, this translator probably does as well.
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Old 08-06-2011, 06:09 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LauraFenix View Post
Sorry, I can not translate this word
Do you mean the word "babelfish"? If you do, "babelfish" is another online translation tool like Google Translate. You can find it here:

http://babelfish.yahoo.com/

I don't know if it is any better, though it has been around longer.

Cheers,
Marc
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Old 08-06-2011, 06:09 PM   #8
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What can you say longlaynu (post 2)?
It's short, but perhaps it can be understood by mastery the translator?
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Old 08-06-2011, 06:17 PM   #9
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I understood so called Yahho translator?
Fish - interfere?
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Old 08-06-2011, 06:21 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LauraFenix View Post
I understood so called Yahho translator?
Fish - interfere?
"Babelfish" got its name from a fictional species of animal in a popular, funny book. You can find more information here:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Babel_f...xy)#Babel_fish
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Old 08-06-2011, 07:25 PM   #11
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This second one also looks like it was translated by a computer service. A real and trustworthy translator would essentially rewrite the text into the language of preference, doing their best to maintain style, tone, and structure.

That's the problem with computers. They only function in the literal.
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Old 08-06-2011, 07:43 PM   #12
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I haven't looked at any of it yet, but you might want to hire an actual flesh and blood translator to do the translation. Computers in a lot of ways just don't cut it.
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Old 08-06-2011, 09:51 PM   #13
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hmm - maybe a mod could add "russian speaking welcome for clarification" to
the threads title?
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Old 08-07-2011, 12:25 AM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Freeshadow View Post
hmm - maybe a mod could add "russian speaking welcome for clarification" to
the threads title?
Good idea. I have added a slight modification to the heading. Hopeful this will help.

Cheers,
Marc
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Old 08-07-2011, 03:33 PM   #15
LauraFenix
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I understood He is as the Russian Cheburashka. He also invented a hero. But he was very loved.
Чебурашка
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