06-13-2012, 01:38 PM | #31 |
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06-13-2012, 02:28 PM | #32 |
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I think that's an improvement. It pretty much reinforces the story as described in the text. I'm still not sold on the yellow, but if it's a recognisable feature of your books, then you should stick with it.
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06-13-2012, 03:02 PM | #33 |
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The final is much better, I agree.
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06-13-2012, 03:07 PM | #34 |
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Every time you post about your work, I think of that scene from "Superman, The Movie":
"What are writing, Miss Lane?" "An ode to spring. How do you spell 'massacre'?" Last edited by ApK; 06-13-2012 at 03:10 PM. |
06-13-2012, 03:07 PM | #35 | |
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I usually try not to critique but I really like the model and the position, boot and all. Yes he is a little neat for a skinhead, but hell a guy can spruce up for his girl, can't he? He might want to take her into a nice establishment. It does however, like gmw said, seem to lack something more pertinent to the romantic event. Perhaps if the the right hand or the left for that matter, had something whimsical, from the girl, say a bandana? You could try putting it, the pretty bandana, around his neck, or draped over the knee. I would at least dirty up his boot sole. Even blood. A little blood on the bandana perhaps? |
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06-13-2012, 03:19 PM | #36 |
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06-13-2012, 04:02 PM | #37 |
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Pretty nice. Your author name is kind of lost at the bottom, but otherwise it conveys more of the storyline than the previous ones did and seems arranged well enough.
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06-13-2012, 05:44 PM | #38 | |
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06-13-2012, 05:45 PM | #39 | |
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06-13-2012, 05:46 PM | #40 | |
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06-13-2012, 09:02 PM | #41 |
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06-13-2012, 09:34 PM | #42 | |
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06-14-2012, 06:23 AM | #43 |
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To be honest it's only on there at all because Smashwords insists on it. Can I get some opinions on a beta-blurb as well? I know this doesn't suggest romance either, but it's a fairly accurate description of what it is about.
They wanted a romantic weekend by the sea … They weren’t looking for a fight … But you have to defend yourself … Right? A ska festival draws thousands of skinheads from across the country to the sleepy seaside town of Cleethorpes. Local residents and day-trippers look on in horror as the town is taken over by shaven-headed masses wearing boots and braces. But much to their surprise, the weekend unfolds peacefully. That is, until a group of drunken bikers think it would be a good laugh to smash up a few scooters, thinking they must belong to mods. Revenge is swift and vicious, but the bikers have friends too. Friends who are more than eager to settle the score. |
06-14-2012, 02:24 PM | #44 | |
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My version would be: They wanted a romantic weekend by the sea … They weren’t looking for a fight … ... but Shit Happens! |
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06-14-2012, 09:00 PM | #45 |
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It reads well to me. (Though I'm not sure that's a good sign, my marketing skills may well be into the negative.)
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