02-24-2009, 12:48 AM | #121 | |
Pensively observing.
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02-24-2009, 08:42 PM | #122 |
Technogeezer
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Subject: Lena & Ole start a family, Lena is pregnant with Ole's child.
Late one night, Lena vakes Ole and says, I tink it's time!' So Ole fired up the Yohn Deere tractor and took her to the hospital to have their first baby. She had a little boy, and the doctor looked over at Ole and said, 'A son! Ain't dat great!' Well, Ole got excited by dis, but yust den the doctor spoke up and said, 'Hold on! We ain't finished yet!' The doctor den held up a little girl. He said, 'Hey, Ole! You got you a daughter!' She's a pretty little ting, too.' Ole got kind of puzzled by this an then the doctor said, 'Holey Moley, Ole we still ain't done yet!' The doctor then delivered another boy and said, Ole, you yust had yourself another boy!' Ole was flabbergasted by this news! A couple days later, Ole brought Lena and their three babies home in the self-propelled combine. He was real serious and he asked Lena, 'How come we got tree on the first try? Lena said, 'You remember dat night we ran out of Vaseline and you vent out in the garage and got dat dere 3-in-1 Oil?' Ole said, 'Yeah, I do. Uffda! It's a damn good ting I didn't get the WD-40. |
02-24-2009, 09:48 PM | #123 | |
Evangelist
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02-24-2009, 10:30 PM | #124 |
Addict
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02-24-2009, 10:56 PM | #125 |
Addict
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Q: What do lite beer and making love in a sailboat have in common?
A: They're both farking close to water! Last edited by kenmark; 02-24-2009 at 11:02 PM. |
02-25-2009, 08:57 AM | #126 |
WWHALD
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There was a bunch of letters, a comma and a full stop in court.
They're due to be sentenced next week... |
02-25-2009, 11:22 AM | #127 |
Wizard
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(Sorry for my bad english. :P)
Mark got up early, to make the road trip home to his family. He lunched some hot chili on the way. After an hour, he started to feel ill, not resisting to let some farts loose. He was really desperate to arrive home and fly to the bathroom. He arrived and ran to the door, his wife was waiting: - Hi hon! Wait, put this on! - she said, presenting him a blindfold. - Hi. I'm really in a hurry. I have to... - Shhhh! Just put these one. It's going to be quick! He conceded. Her wife brought him to the hall, and told him to wait a little bit, she was going to bring something for him. - What is it? - he asked. - It's a surprise. - she replied. While waiting, another wave of belly aches overwhelmed him. "I'll just let loose a little fart for relief" - he thought. And so did he, but that was such a humid fart! He flaped his hands, to push the air away, trying to conceal the bad smell. In doing so, he didn't manage to avoid farting a couple more times. His wife was arriving, telling him to take off the blindfold. - HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! - she said, while his brothers, parents and grandparents, were sit at the dinning table, looking at him with a surprised look. Last edited by Over; 02-25-2009 at 11:24 AM. |
02-25-2009, 08:22 PM | #128 |
Grand Sorcerer
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02-26-2009, 11:17 AM | #129 | |
Guru
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- Daddy, now we get her, we bring her to the village and we eat her, don't we? - said the boy - Not at all, son. We get her, we bring her to the village, and we eat mommy!!!! |
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02-26-2009, 04:53 PM | #130 | |
Wizard
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Two cannibal guys were walking in the beach, when they see a beatiful woman. She has only one arm. - That's the girl I'm eating lately. - said one of them. |
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02-26-2009, 10:19 PM | #131 |
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A hunter from West Virginia sees a beautiful naked woman running in the woods and asks her if she is game.
She says, "yes" and he shoots her. |
02-28-2009, 11:03 PM | #132 |
Enjoying the show....
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A young blonde in Louisiana wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the young Blonde declared, 'Well then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator and get a pair of shoes for free!' The shopkeeper said with a sly smile, 'Well little lady, why don't you go-on and give it a try?' The blonde headed off to the swamp, determined to catch an alligator. Later in the day, as the shopkeeper is driving home, he spots the same young woman standing waist deep in the murky water, shotgun in hand. As he brings his car to a stop, he sees a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her. With lightning reflexes, the Blonde takes aim, shoots the creature and hauls it up onto the slippery bank. Nearby were 7 more dead gators, all lying belly up. The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement. The blonde struggles mightily and manages to flip the gator onto its back. Rolling her eyes heavenward, she screams in frustration, 'CRAP! THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT, TOO!' |
03-01-2009, 07:39 PM | #133 |
Sir Penguin of Edinburgh
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Does anyone use the "sleep" function on their computer? I don't like it; my computer snores.
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03-02-2009, 06:37 AM | #134 |
Technogeezer
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03-02-2009, 06:44 AM | #135 |
Grand Sorcerer
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"Steak all the covers"? What is it? Buffy, the wedding-band slayer?
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