02-01-2009, 11:30 PM | #76 |
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A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"
"Of course. What may I do for you?" "Well, I bought an expensive electronic hair remover that is well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there anyway you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?" "I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie." "With your honest face, Father, no one will question you." When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?" "From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare." The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?" "I have a marvelous little instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused." Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father. Next!" |
02-06-2009, 08:12 PM | #77 |
Enjoying the show....
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Exactly how I feel right now.
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02-06-2009, 08:37 PM | #78 |
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
Because chickens have not evolved yet. |
02-06-2009, 09:56 PM | #79 |
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MB:
Nice signature! Hope you don't mind if I borrow it... |
02-06-2009, 10:00 PM | #80 |
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02-06-2009, 10:07 PM | #81 |
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I think the .lrf and .epub also support it. I KNOW that .imp doesn't!
Last edited by nrapallo; 02-06-2009 at 10:12 PM. |
02-06-2009, 10:20 PM | #82 |
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Strange, I get this:
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02-06-2009, 10:37 PM | #83 |
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02-06-2009, 10:50 PM | #84 |
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I'm using the Sony software and the latest version of Adobe Digital Editions on Vista.
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02-06-2009, 11:02 PM | #85 |
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02-06-2009, 11:18 PM | #86 |
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I expect it would be the same on the actual reader. My experience is what you get in the Sony Software you get on your reader.
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02-06-2009, 11:36 PM | #87 | |
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Quote:
I'm savouring the moment ... |
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02-06-2009, 11:46 PM | #88 |
It's about the umbrella
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SOUTHERN GRANDMOTHER ON THE WITNESS STAND
Lawyers should never ask a Southern grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer. In a trial, a southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you." The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?" She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him." The defense attorney almost died. The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you to the electric chair." |
02-07-2009, 12:33 AM | #89 |
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Old Tom had a problem that just before he woke up in the morning he let out a tremendous fart. His wife Doris told him if he keeps it up, one day he will fart his gut out. Then on Thanksgiving, Doris was feeling a little sneaky, so when she removed the innards from the turkey she snuck up the her sleeping husband and carefully placed the entrails in the back if his shorts. Later in the kitchen, Doris hears the usual noise followed by a horrible scream and running feet. A few minute later her husband comes down the stairs, white and shaken. He looks at his wife and says, “Honey, you were right. I finally farted my guts out. But with a jar of Vaseline and these two fingers, they are all back where they belong.
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02-07-2009, 03:00 PM | #90 |
It's about the umbrella
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**Rrriiiiinnnnggg, rrriiiinnnngg,**
**'Hello?'** **'Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?'** **'No, Daddy, she's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.'** **After a brief pause, Daddy says,but honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul.'** **'Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy,right now.'** Brief Pause. **'Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway.'** **'Okay, Daddy, Just a minute.'** **A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.** **'I did it, Daddy.'** **'And what happened, honey?' **'Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!'** **'Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?'** **'He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead.** *****Long Pause***** *****Longer Pause***** *****Even Longer Pause***** **Then Daddy says,** **'Swimming pool? ...........** **Is this 486-5731?'* **No, I think you have the wrong number.......* |
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