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Old 01-01-2013, 01:32 PM   #5851
Fbone
Is that a sandwich?
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I had a near death experience that has changed me forever.

The other day I went horseback riding. Everything was going fine until the horse started bouncing out of control. I tried with all my might to hang on, but was thrown off.

Just when things could not possibly get worse, my foot got caught up in the stirrup, and I fell head first to the ground. My head continued to bounce harder and harder, and the horse did not stop or even slow down.

Just as I was giving up hope and losing consciousness, the Wal-Mart manager came out and unplugged it.

Thank God for heroes.
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Old 01-01-2013, 02:10 PM   #5852
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He who has the last laugh thinks slowest.
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Old 01-01-2013, 02:32 PM   #5853
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He who has the last laugh thinks slowest.
He who laughs last has thought of a dirty meaning.
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Old 01-01-2013, 05:26 PM   #5854
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Old 01-02-2013, 06:17 AM   #5855
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A teeny bit off colour:

Spoiler:
"Have you ever seen a twenty pound note all crumpled up?" asked the wife.

"No," I said.

She gave me a sexy little smile, reached into her cleavage and pulled out a crumpled twenty pound note.

"Have you ever seen a fifty pound note all crumpled up?" she asked.

"No," I said.

She gave me another sexy little smile, reached into her knickers and pulled out a crumpled fifty pound note.

"Now," she said, "have you ever seen 30,000 pounds all crumpled up?"

"No," I said, intrigued.

"Well, go and take a quick look in the garage."

Last edited by orlok; 01-02-2013 at 06:20 AM.
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Old 01-02-2013, 09:13 AM   #5856
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Quote:
Originally Posted by orlok View Post
A teeny bit off colour:

Spoiler:
"Have you ever seen a twenty pound note all crumpled up?" asked the wife.

"No," I said.

She gave me a sexy little smile, reached into her cleavage and pulled out a crumpled twenty pound note.

"Have you ever seen a fifty pound note all crumpled up?" she asked.

"No," I said.

She gave me another sexy little smile, reached into her knickers and pulled out a crumpled fifty pound note.

"Now," she said, "have you ever seen 30,000 pounds all crumpled up?"

"No," I said, intrigued.

"Well, go and take a quick look in the garage."
They have a loaded semi in the garage?
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Old 01-02-2013, 12:59 PM   #5857
MJK2111
FUBAR!
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It's still a mystery that the international phonetics alphabet is not more in use unless it has to do with the size of the required keyboard...
It's not the size of the keyboard, it's how you use it...
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Old 01-02-2013, 05:40 PM   #5858
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I always wondered why the people in books said "see-ahh-oh" when they took their departure, when in real life I only ever heard people say "chow". Took me a long while to realize both were the same word - ciao.
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Old 01-02-2013, 07:02 PM   #5859
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Originally Posted by badgoodDeb View Post
I always wondered why the people in books said "see-ahh-oh" when they took their departure, when in real life I only ever heard people say "chow". Took me a long while to realize both were the same word - ciao.
Just the other day I overheard two young college students talking in the International Center. The Japanese boy said his hobby was Karate, pronouncing it Kah-rah-tay. The American boy nodded and said that he practiced Koo-rahdi, and then asked what was Kah-rah-tay?


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Old 01-02-2013, 08:06 PM   #5860
steven522
binomial: homo legentem
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I practice cah-rot-cayk.
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Old 01-02-2013, 08:21 PM   #5861
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We now have a full nation of people singing at 'Carry-O-kee' clubs... rather than kah-rah-o-keh clubs. And most of us 'Muricans' grew up thinking people drank 'sack-ee' and killed themselves by committing 'harry-carry.' (sock-eh and hara-kiri)


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Old 01-03-2013, 02:50 AM   #5862
Fbone
Is that a sandwich?
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A little town had a high birth rate that had attracted the attention of the sociologists at the state university.

They wrote a grant proposal; got a huge chunk of money; hired a few additional sociologists, an anthropologist, and a family planning and birth control specialist; moved to town; rented offices; set up their computers; got squared away; and began designing their questionnaires and such.

While the staff was busy getting ready for their big research effort, the project director decided to go to the local drugstore for a cup of coffee. He sat down at the counter, ordered his coffee, and while he was drinking it, he told the druggist what his purpose was in town, then asked him if he had any idea why the birth rate was so high.

“Sure,” said the druggist. “Every morning the train comes through at 5:30, blows its horn for the crossing and wakes everybody up. It seems that 5:30 is too late to go back to sleep, and it’s too early to get up.”
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Old 01-03-2013, 07:42 AM   #5863
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Quote:
Originally Posted by badgoodDeb View Post
I always wondered why the people in books said "see-ahh-oh" when they took their departure, when in real life I only ever heard people say "chow". Took me a long while to realize both were the same word - ciao.
Do you mean that people actually write see-ahh-oh in books to mean ciao, Deb? Or am I missing something?
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Old 01-03-2013, 04:30 PM   #5864
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Do you mean that people actually write see-ahh-oh in books to mean ciao, Deb? Or am I missing something?
No, they wrote "ciao". But I was sure it was said "see-ahh-oh" since there already WAS a word spelled "chow" and pronounced "chow".
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Old 01-03-2013, 07:28 PM   #5865
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You’re having a bad day when ...

your horn sticks on the freeway while you are behind 32 Hell’s Angels.
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