Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 449

orlok · 07-08-2013, 12:29 PM

We had a power outage last week and my PC, TV and games console shut down immediately, so I had to talk to my family for a few hours.

They seem like nice people.

troll05 · 07-08-2013, 03:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by orlok

We had a power outage last week and my PC, TV and games console shut down immediately, so I had to talk to my family for a few hours.

They seem like nice people.

Are you sure it was your family and not the neighbours

Fbone · 07-08-2013, 05:28 PM

My girlfriend hates it when I sneak up on her. Well, according to her lawyer, she also hates it when I call her my girlfriend.

yvanleterrible · 07-09-2013, 06:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by orlok

We had a power outage last week and my PC, TV and games console shut down immediately, so I had to talk to my family for a few hours.

They seem like nice people.

I think I met them last holiday.

Fbone · 07-09-2013, 02:33 PM

Thieves broke into the local movie theater and stole $240.
They took a bag of popcorn and a large drink.

Bilbo1967 · 07-09-2013, 02:59 PM

That reminds me, we were robbed last week. They took my wife's credit card. I haven't reported it yet. So far they're spending less than she did.

orlok · 07-09-2013, 04:53 PM

I've just made the best recipe for tofu ever!

Simply brush generously with extra virgin olive oil before lightly tossing it in the bin.

Lynx-lynx · 07-09-2013, 11:14 PM

Little Bruce and Beryl are only 10 years old,
But they know they are in love.
One day they decide that they want to get married,
So Bruce goes to Beryl's father to ask him for her hand.

Bruce bravely walks up to him and says,
"Mr. Smith, me and Beryl are in love
And I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."

Thinking that this was just the cutest thing,
Mr. Smith replies,
"Well Bruce, you are only 10..
Where will you two live?"

Without even taking a moment to think about it,
Bruce replies,
"In Beryl's room.
It's bigger than mine
And we can both fit there nicely."
Mr. Smith says with a huge grin,
"Okay, then how will you live?
You're not old enough to get a job.
You'll need to support Beryl."

Again, Bruce instantly replies, "Our allowance,
Beryl makes five bucks a week
And I make 10 bucks a week.
That's about 60 bucks a month,
So that should do us just fine."

Mr. Smith is impressed
Bruce has put so much thought into this. "Well Bruce,
It seems like you have everything figured out.
I just have one more question.
What will you do if the two of you should have
Little children
of your own?"

Bruce just shrugs his shoulders and says,
"Well, we've been lucky so far."

Mr. Smith no longer thinks the little shit is adorable.

Freeshadow · 07-10-2013, 01:51 AM

Oh that was a GOOD one

orlok · 07-10-2013, 01:42 PM

Proof that Men have Better Friends

Friendship among Women:

A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning she told her husband she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it.

Friendship among Men:

A man didn't come home one night. The next morning he told his wife he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight confirmed he had slept over, and two said he was still there.

Fbone · 07-10-2013, 09:36 PM

I hate when I’m on the treadmill and my hand accidentally hits the stop button & I have to get off and eat a bacon grilled cheese sandwich.

wannabee · 07-11-2013, 01:55 AM

As a guitarist, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper’s cemetery in the back country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost.

I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.

I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn’t know what else to do, so I started to play.

The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I’ve never played before for this homeless man.

And as I played ‘Amazing Grace,’ the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my guitar and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.

As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, “I never seen nothin’ like that before and I’ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.”

Apparently, I’m still lost…

BenG · 07-11-2013, 10:19 AM

Spoiler:

Fbone · 07-11-2013, 10:49 PM

I wonder if Earth makes fun of the Moon for having no life.

WT Sharpe · 07-11-2013, 11:29 PM

I wonder if the moon responds, "Said the planet with no intelligent life."

07-09-2013, 11:14 PM	#6728
Lynx-lynx Treachery of images ... Posts: 4,069 Karma: 91561091 Join Date: May 2012 Location: Australia Device: Blackberry Playbook, Sony 650, Kobo Glo, H2O, Aura One, Forma, Libra 2	Little Bruce and Beryl are only 10 years old, But they know they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, So Bruce goes to Beryl's father to ask him for her hand. Bruce bravely walks up to him and says, "Mr. Smith, me and Beryl are in love And I want to ask you for her hand in marriage." Thinking that this was just the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, "Well Bruce, you are only 10.. Where will you two live?" Without even taking a moment to think about it, Bruce replies, "In Beryl's room. It's bigger than mine And we can both fit there nicely." Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, "Okay, then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Beryl." Again, Bruce instantly replies, "Our allowance, Beryl makes five bucks a week And I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month, So that should do us just fine." Mr. Smith is impressed Bruce has put so much thought into this. "Well Bruce, It seems like you have everything figured out. I just have one more question. What will you do if the two of you should have Little children of your own?" Bruce just shrugs his shoulders and says, "Well, we've been lucky so far." Mr. Smith no longer thinks the little shit is adorable. Attached Thumbnails Last edited by Lynx-lynx; 07-09-2013 at 11:23 PM.

07-11-2013, 01:55 AM	#6732
wannabee Media Bloke Posts: 2,381 Karma: 113956855 Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: NSW - Australia Device: iOS	This is so sad As a guitarist, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper’s cemetery in the back country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost. I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn’t know what else to do, so I started to play. The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I’ve never played before for this homeless man. And as I played ‘Amazing Grace,’ the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my guitar and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full. As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, “I never seen nothin’ like that before and I’ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.” Apparently, I’m still lost… Attached Thumbnails

07-11-2013, 10:19 AM	#6733
BenG Home Guard Posts: 4,729 Karma: 86721650 Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Alpha Ralpha Boulevard Device: Kindle Oasis 3G, iPhone 6	Spoiler: You've been rick-rolled!

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07-08-2013, 12:29 PM	#6721
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	We had a power outage last week and my PC, TV and games console shut down immediately, so I had to talk to my family for a few hours. They seem like nice people.

07-08-2013, 05:28 PM	#6723
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	My girlfriend hates it when I sneak up on her. Well, according to her lawyer, she also hates it when I call her my girlfriend.

07-09-2013, 02:33 PM	#6725
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Thieves broke into the local movie theater and stole $240. They took a bag of popcorn and a large drink.

07-09-2013, 02:59 PM	#6726
Bilbo1967 Not scared! Posts: 13,424 Karma: 81011643 Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Midlands, UK Device: Kindle Paperwhite 10, Huawei M5 10	That reminds me, we were robbed last week. They took my wife's credit card. I haven't reported it yet. So far they're spending less than she did.

07-09-2013, 04:53 PM	#6727
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	I've just made the best recipe for tofu ever! Simply brush generously with extra virgin olive oil before lightly tossing it in the bin.

07-10-2013, 01:51 AM	#6729
Freeshadow temp. out of service Posts: 2,790 Karma: 24285242 Join Date: May 2010 Location: Duisburg (DE) Device: PB 623	Oh that was a GOOD one

07-10-2013, 01:42 PM	#6730
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	Proof that Men have Better Friends Friendship among Women: A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning she told her husband she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it. Friendship among Men: A man didn't come home one night. The next morning he told his wife he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight confirmed he had slept over, and two said he was still there.

07-10-2013, 09:36 PM	#6731
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	I hate when I’m on the treadmill and my hand accidentally hits the stop button & I have to get off and eat a bacon grilled cheese sandwich.

07-11-2013, 10:49 PM	#6734
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	I wonder if Earth makes fun of the Moon for having no life.

07-11-2013, 11:29 PM	#6735
WT Sharpe Bah, humbug! Posts: 39,073 Karma: 157049943 Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Chesapeake, VA, USA Device: Kindle Oasis, iPad Pro, & a Samsung Galaxy S9.	I wonder if the moon responds, "Said the planet with no intelligent life."