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Old 03-01-2013, 04:16 PM   #6181
WT Sharpe
Bah, humbug!
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Insert Your Own Joke Here Department
Fun with Science!

Remember the old joke about the grouch who needed an optorectomy — that fictional surgical procedure whereby the nerve between the rectum and the eyeball is severed to correct a person's (=ahem=) bleak outlook on life?

http://io9.com/5987132/bizarre-eyeba...s?tag=medicine
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Old 03-01-2013, 05:18 PM   #6182
Fbone
Is that a sandwich?
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Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.
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Old 03-01-2013, 06:00 PM   #6183
pilotbob
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fbone View Post
Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.
They swear like em too!
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Old 03-01-2013, 06:06 PM   #6184
yvanleterrible
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pilotbob View Post
They swear like em too!
... And they don't do nothin' good like em too...
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Old 03-01-2013, 06:50 PM   #6185
Stitchawl
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HomeInMyShoes View Post
A man and his wife were driving their Recreational Vehicle across the country and were nearing a town spelled Kissimee. They noted the strange spelling and tried to figure how to pronounce it - KISS-a-me; kis-A-me; kis-a-ME. They grew more perplexed as they drove into the town.

Since they were hungry, they pulled into a place to get something to eat. At the counter, the man said to the waitress:

"My wife and I can't seem to be able to figure out how to pronounce this place. Will you tell me where we are and say it very slowly so that I can understand."

The waitress looked at him and said: "Buuurrrgerrr Kiiiinnnng."

I had the pleasure of 'living' this one this past Autumn in Kyoto. I was in a Starbucks having some tea and reading my book, when I overheard some tourists at the next table trying to figure out how to pronounce the city's name; K-eye-Odo or Key-Odo. (Actually, it should sound more like Kyo-toe.) The saw me looking and smiling, and asked if I could tell them how to pronounce the name of this place.... and of course I replied "Starrrrr-bucks!"


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Old 03-03-2013, 01:26 AM   #6186
Fbone
Is that a sandwich?
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My apologies.
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Old 03-03-2013, 05:36 PM   #6187
Fbone
Is that a sandwich?
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A guy tells his psychiatrist: ‘It was terrible. I was away on business, and I emailed my wife that I’d be back a day early. I rushed home from the airport and found her in bed with my best friend. I don’t get it. How could she do this to me?" "Well," says the psychiatrist. "Maybe she didn’t see the email."
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Old 03-03-2013, 08:07 PM   #6188
Stitchawl
Opsimath
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Stitchawl
Attached Thumbnails
Click image for larger version Name: duct tape.jpg Views: 198 Size: 41.5 KB ID: 102279  
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Old 03-03-2013, 09:53 PM   #6189
yvanleterrible
Reborn Paper User
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stitchawl View Post
Stitchawl
Hair removal?






I just has a nasty image there...
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Old 03-04-2013, 09:20 AM   #6190
HomeInMyShoes
Grand Sorcerer
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stitchawl View Post
I had the pleasure of 'living' this one this past Autumn in Kyoto. I was in a Starbucks having some tea and reading my book, when I overheard some tourists at the next table trying to figure out how to pronounce the city's name; K-eye-Odo or Key-Odo. (Actually, it should sound more like Kyo-toe.) The saw me looking and smiling, and asked if I could tell them how to pronounce the name of this place.... and of course I replied "Starrrrr-bucks!"


Stitchawl
In your best pirate voice I hope.
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Old 03-04-2013, 02:43 PM   #6191
Fbone
Is that a sandwich?
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An old woman is upset at her husband’s funeral. "You have him in a brown suit and I wanted him in a blue suit" The mortician says "We’ll take care of it, ma’am" and yells back, "Ed, switch the heads on two and four!"
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Old 03-04-2013, 03:18 PM   #6192
orlok
Close to the Edit!
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Singer Neil Diamond started his career as Neil Coal. He changed his name when the pressure got to him.
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Old 03-04-2013, 04:01 PM   #6193
HomeInMyShoes
Grand Sorcerer
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Singer Neil Diamond started his career as Neil Coal. He changed his name when the pressure got to him.
Ugh, just ugh. And now I'm going to be humming Neil Diamond songs all afternoon..."Sweet Caroline..."
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Old 03-04-2013, 05:50 PM   #6194
Iznogood
Guru
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For fans of Neil Diamond I can highly recommend the recording from the concert Hot August Nights from 1972.

I sat speechless for at least five minutes after the video ended. What a magical concert
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Old 03-05-2013, 12:19 PM   #6195
maianhvk
whimsical
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