User Poetry - Page 68

Vandy · 04-04-2011, 02:00 PM

Hello, All.

I can't believe it is has been since 4 January 2011 since I've posted in this thread. When you don't keep up, you sure do get behind...

@Geoff Your post of 1-16-2011
Quite interesting and certainly entertaining. you've got a nice touch with your word images. I especially like your repeating line - "Outside the shadows...". It's certainly a 'grabber".

Very well written.

Your post of 2-11- 2011
Bravo! Bravo! You have managed to capture the absolute essence of loving toil. Great word pictures as well as great coupling. This piece reads very well and flows along taking the reader with it.

Thank you for sharing this jewel.

@Caleb LOVE ME LIKE A TORTURE RACK
Before I even read this, I knew I was going to like from just the title!

Old or not, it certainly is well written. I had a bit of a problem with the "flow" but did try your suggestion of rreading it like two sentences. That helped.

You certainly have been successful with your word images -- they put the reader right in the middle of the storm that's raging.

Great work!

The Journey
After reading this, I ACHED for you and the knife-sharp message your poem conveyed. What wonderfully beautiful word imagery you've used in this piece. I'm quite taken with it.

Beautiful work.

By the way, Caleb, poetry is like music -- it is timeless and never forgotten.

WELCOME
I've got to say, I didn't see that ending coming...

I've never hear love expressed quite that way. Interesting...

@Kenny Winter
Hmmm... Do I take the literal path or retreat into philosophical thoughtfulness? Either way, this piece spoke to me on so many levels.

Kenny, this is very well written and in a rhythm that forces the reader to slow down and not just read but contemplate on what is being read.

Thank you for sharing this beautiful work.

That Big Ol' Potato Chip in the Sky
A very cute little ditty. I really like your descriptiveness. A liight and deliciously entertaining read!

Thanks so much, all of you, for sharing your work and allowing us a bit more of a glimpse "inside".

I look forward to reading more. I'll start posting again pretty soon, as well.

Have a great day!

Regards,

kennyc · 04-04-2011, 02:19 PM

Thanks Vandy!

GeoffC · 04-05-2011, 05:34 AM

Vandy... many thanks for your kind comments ....

kennyc · 04-07-2011, 05:48 AM

Girls

Barbi Bambi Bella
Blonde Brunette Black
What does it mean
when they don't come back?

Kenny A. Chaffin - 4/7/2011

GeoffC · 04-07-2011, 05:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kennyc

Girls

Barbi Bambi Bella
Blonde Brunette Black
What does it mean
when they don't come back?

Kenny A. Chaffin - 4/7/2011

GeoffC · 04-07-2011, 06:06 AM

Nice one Kenny .... and to keep the momentum going ....

Memories of winter

with a crisp and a crunch
each step is made
sinking in with a crackle-crash
followed at once by a shush
boot squashes
to an icy print
then lifts with a dash of white
ridden high to back of boot
the next then follows
until a line to snake its way
across the icy desert
points the way back home….

7 April 2011

kennyc · 04-07-2011, 06:16 AM

Very nice Geoff. Full of sound and images!

GeoffC · 04-07-2011, 10:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kennyc

Very nice Geoff. Full of sound and images!

I forgot the bits of snow that fall into yer boots, and the frozen toes ....

Thanks Kenny ...

Vandy · 04-07-2011, 01:22 PM

@ Kenny Girls

I read it the first time and thought, "Huh? What's this!?!?"

I read it the second time and thought, "Why wouldn't they come back?"

I read it the third time and am now hopelessly locked in a philosophical debate with myself...

Interesting, Kenny, interesting...

@ Geoff Memories of Winter

You really have a great way with words and word images, Geoff. This is really a very good piece. I especially like your "icy desert" image.

Great work!

Regards,

kennyc · 04-07-2011, 03:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vandy

@ Kenny Girls

I read it the first time and thought, "Huh? What's this!?!?"

I read it the second time and thought, "Why wouldn't they come back?"

I read it the third time and am now hopelessly locked in a philosophical debate with myself...

Interesting, Kenny, interesting...

...

caleb72 · 04-08-2011, 09:19 AM

Wow Vandy, thanks for your comments. It's been a long time since I've actually written new poetry. My angsty youth was such a hotbed of inspiration.

I would post lyrics to songs, but they don't have the same effect if read. You really need to hear them with the movement of music for them to make sense.

Regards
Caleb

caleb72 · 04-08-2011, 09:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kennyc

(In honor of National Poetry Month that starts today!)

That Big Ol’ Potato Chip in the Sky

Now some may not believe
in the potato chip in the sky
but I, I see it rise every morning
and set over the sea every night.

Its supreme thinness
its salty savory taste raining
down upon our wet heads

In the evening as I drift off to sleep
I’m soothed by the thought of
His yumminess filling my tummy,
I’m warm and happy inside.

Kenny A. Chaffin - 4/1/2011

This is great, but I would change one thing to make it read better (to me).

"His yumminess filling my tumminess"

That really works for me.

Regards
Caleb

caleb72 · 04-08-2011, 09:31 AM

A really small one that I wrote as a gift on my first anniversary. It's timely as tomorrow is my sixth anniversary.

It's untitled.

I like the rain,
It feels gravity too,
It falls to the earth
As I fall into you,
One drop at a time.

See me let go,
I fly like an eagle,
The higher I soar
Is the longer I'm with you,
One day at a time.

Regards
Caleb

kennyc · 04-08-2011, 11:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by caleb72

This is great, but I would change one thing to make it read better (to me).

"His yumminess filling my tumminess"

That really works for me.

Regards
Caleb

Thanks Caleb.

GeoffC · 04-10-2011, 04:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by caleb72

A really small one that I wrote as a gift on my first anniversary. It's timely as tomorrow is my sixth anniversary.

It's untitled.

I like the rain,
It feels gravity too,
It falls to the earth
As I fall into you,
One drop at a time.

See me let go,
I fly like an eagle,
The higher I soar
Is the longer I'm with you,
One day at a time.

Regards
Caleb

04-04-2011, 02:00 PM	#1006
Vandy ...always be humble. Posts: 116 Karma: 505917 Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: Fort Myers, FL USA Device: iPhone 5s, iPod Touch 3rd Gen, Kindle 3 WiFi, Kindle Fire	I'm still around... Hello, All. I can't believe it is has been since 4 January 2011 since I've posted in this thread. When you don't keep up, you sure do get behind... @Geoff Your post of 1-16-2011 Quite interesting and certainly entertaining. you've got a nice touch with your word images. I especially like your repeating line - "Outside the shadows...". It's certainly a 'grabber". Very well written. Your post of 2-11- 2011 Bravo! Bravo! You have managed to capture the absolute essence of loving toil. Great word pictures as well as great coupling. This piece reads very well and flows along taking the reader with it. Thank you for sharing this jewel. @Caleb LOVE ME LIKE A TORTURE RACK Before I even read this, I knew I was going to like from just the title! Old or not, it certainly is well written. I had a bit of a problem with the "flow" but did try your suggestion of rreading it like two sentences. That helped. You certainly have been successful with your word images -- they put the reader right in the middle of the storm that's raging. Great work! The Journey After reading this, I ACHED for you and the knife-sharp message your poem conveyed. What wonderfully beautiful word imagery you've used in this piece. I'm quite taken with it. Beautiful work. By the way, Caleb, poetry is like music -- it is timeless and never forgotten. WELCOME I've got to say, I didn't see that ending coming... I've never hear love expressed quite that way. Interesting... @Kenny Winter Hmmm... Do I take the literal path or retreat into philosophical thoughtfulness? Either way, this piece spoke to me on so many levels. Kenny, this is very well written and in a rhythm that forces the reader to slow down and not just read but contemplate on what is being read. Thank you for sharing this beautiful work. That Big Ol' Potato Chip in the Sky A very cute little ditty. I really like your descriptiveness. A liight and deliciously entertaining read! Thanks so much, all of you, for sharing your work and allowing us a bit more of a glimpse "inside". I look forward to reading more. I'll start posting again pretty soon, as well. Have a great day! Regards, Last edited by Vandy; 04-04-2011 at 02:03 PM.

04-07-2011, 01:22 PM	#1014
Vandy ...always be humble. Posts: 116 Karma: 505917 Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: Fort Myers, FL USA Device: iPhone 5s, iPod Touch 3rd Gen, Kindle 3 WiFi, Kindle Fire	Comments... @ Kenny Girls I read it the first time and thought, "Huh? What's this!?!?" I read it the second time and thought, "Why wouldn't they come back?" I read it the third time and am now hopelessly locked in a philosophical debate with myself... Interesting, Kenny, interesting... @ Geoff Memories of Winter You really have a great way with words and word images, Geoff. This is really a very good piece. I especially like your "icy desert" image. Great work! Regards,

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04-04-2011, 02:19 PM	#1007
kennyc The Dank Side of the Moon Posts: 35,872 Karma: 118716293 Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Denver, CO Device: Kindle2; Kindle Fire	Thanks Vandy!

04-05-2011, 05:34 AM	#1008
GeoffC Chocolate Grasshopper ... Posts: 27,600 Karma: 20821184 Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Scotland Device: Muse HD , Cybook Gen3 , Pocketbook 302 (Black) , Nexus 10: wife has PW	Vandy... many thanks for your kind comments ....

04-07-2011, 05:48 AM	#1009
kennyc The Dank Side of the Moon Posts: 35,872 Karma: 118716293 Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Denver, CO Device: Kindle2; Kindle Fire	Girls Barbi Bambi Bella Blonde Brunette Black What does it mean when they don't come back? Kenny A. Chaffin - 4/7/2011

04-07-2011, 06:06 AM	#1011
GeoffC Chocolate Grasshopper ... Posts: 27,600 Karma: 20821184 Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Scotland Device: Muse HD , Cybook Gen3 , Pocketbook 302 (Black) , Nexus 10: wife has PW	Nice one Kenny .... and to keep the momentum going .... Memories of winter with a crisp and a crunch each step is made sinking in with a crackle-crash followed at once by a shush boot squashes to an icy print then lifts with a dash of white ridden high to back of boot the next then follows until a line to snake its way across the icy desert points the way back home…. 7 April 2011

04-07-2011, 06:16 AM	#1012
kennyc The Dank Side of the Moon Posts: 35,872 Karma: 118716293 Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Denver, CO Device: Kindle2; Kindle Fire	Very nice Geoff. Full of sound and images!

04-08-2011, 09:19 AM	#1016
caleb72 Indie Advocate Posts: 2,863 Karma: 18794463 Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: Melbourne, Australia Device: Kindle	Wow Vandy, thanks for your comments. It's been a long time since I've actually written new poetry. My angsty youth was such a hotbed of inspiration. I would post lyrics to songs, but they don't have the same effect if read. You really need to hear them with the movement of music for them to make sense. Regards Caleb

04-08-2011, 09:31 AM	#1018
caleb72 Indie Advocate Posts: 2,863 Karma: 18794463 Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: Melbourne, Australia Device: Kindle	A really small one that I wrote as a gift on my first anniversary. It's timely as tomorrow is my sixth anniversary. It's untitled. I like the rain, It feels gravity too, It falls to the earth As I fall into you, One drop at a time. See me let go, I fly like an eagle, The higher I soar Is the longer I'm with you, One day at a time. Regards Caleb

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