Unutterably Silly Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day

[WT Sharpe]

This cracked me up, and goes a long way toward explaining why I rarely wear ball caps. I can never quite get the hang of them, either.

[orlok]

An old man and woman were married for many years. Whenever there was a confrontation between them, yelling could be heard deep into the night. The old man would shout, "When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!".

Neighbors feared him, and the old man liked the fact that he was feared. To everyone’s relief he died of a heart attack when he was 98. His wife had a closed casket at his funeral.

After the burial, her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked "Aren’t you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way out of the grave and haunt you for the rest of your life?".

The wife answered, "Let him dig. I had him buried upside down, and I know he'll never ask for directions."

[alansplace]

[drjd]

A woman is cooking eggs in the kitchen when her husband comes running in...

Immediately, he sees the eggs and gasps in horror. "Be careful! CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh, my GOSH!"

The wife, startled at her husband's violent reaction, dashes to the fridge to get some butter.

"You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW!"

The wife, concerned by the status of her husband's mental state, forgets about the butter and goes running to the eggs.

"WE NEED BUTTER! Are you CRAZY??? Where are we going to get the butter? They're going to stick! HURRY!"

The wife runs to the fridge.

"CAREFUL about the eggs! CAREFUL. You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them quickly! Oh not that quickly, don't you know how to cook? Are you insane? Turn the DAMN EGGS!"

At this point, the wife starts crying, since she has no idea what to do. She gasps "What is WRONG with you? I know how to cook eggs."

The husband simply smiles, remarks "I just wanted to show you what it feels like while I'm driving with you in the car", and leaves.

[alansplace]

[drjd]

A woman driver is speeding along the highway, when suddenly she gets stopped by a police car which instructs her to pull over.

Woman: "Is there a problem, Officer?"

Officer: "Ma'am, you were speeding."

Woman: "Oh, I see."

Officer: "Can I see your license please?"

Woman: "I'd give it to you but I don't have one."

Officer: "Don't have one?"

Woman: "Lost it 4 times for drunk driving."

Officer: "I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please."

Woman: "I can't do that."

Officer: "Why not?"

Woman: "I stole this car."

Officer: "Stole it?"

Woman: "Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner."

Officer: "You what?"

Woman: "His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see."

The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Sargent: "Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!"

The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Woman: "Is there a problem sir?"

Sargent: "One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner."

Woman: "Murdered the owner?"

Sargent: "Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please."

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Sargent: "Is this your car, ma'am?"

Woman: "Yes, here are the registration papers."

The first officer is stunned.

Sargent: "One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license."

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Sargent: "Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner."

Woman: "I bet the bastard will say I was speeding too."

[orlok]

"I've been a very bad girl," she said, biting her lip. "I need to be punished."
"Very well", he said and installed Windows 10 on her laptop.

Spoiler:

And that's no joke...

[alansplace]

[drjd]

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.

The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'

'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'

[PoP]

Originally Posted by orlok

"I've been a very bad girl," she said, biting her lip. "I need to be punished."
"Very well", he said and installed Windows 10 on her laptop.

Spoiler:

And that's no joke...

Hmm, what?

I know, it has to be funny ...someone, please help.

[DMcCunney]

Originally Posted by PoP

Hmm, what?

I know, it has to be funny ...someone, please help.

You have not experienced the wonder that is Windows 10? Let's just say opinion is divided on it.

I don't mind it. Others do. A lot.
______
Dennis

[pilotbob]

Originally Posted by PoP

Hmm, what?

I know, it has to be funny ...someone, please help.

Hater's gonna hate.

[orlok]

Originally Posted by PoP

Hmm, what?

I know, it has to be funny ...someone, please help.

Some might see installing Windows 10 as a punishment (just not the kind of punishment she was looking for ). Me, for instance. Since installing W10 I get at least 3 or 4 black-screen events per day, where I have to force power-off and reboot. Ironically, one of the things that causes it is the Windows Update itself (but this is for another thread...).

[PoP]

Originally Posted by orlok

...just not the kind of punishment she was looking for )...

Thank you all for your helpful explanations. I was looking for something along ^ but couldn't find any other than «windows sometimes sucks» ...Oh, did I say suck?

[DMcCunney]

Originally Posted by PoP

Thank you all for your helpful explanations. I was looking for something along ^ but couldn't find any other than «windows sometimes sucks» ...Oh, did I say suck?

Many folks omit the "sometimes" from your description.
______
Dennis