09-26-2012, 06:35 PM | #1 | ||||||||||||||||||||
Grand Sorcerer
Posts: 5,185
Karma: 25133758
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: SF Bay Area, California, USA
Device: Pocketbook Touch HD3 (Past: Kobo Mini, PEZ, PRS-505, Clié)
|
How Not To Write a Blurb
I was kicking around Smashwords, looking for ebooks for my husband, who wants books outside of my normal genre choices. That means I ran across blurbs outside my normal genre choices, and, eep, I hadn't realized how bad they can get.
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
...And now the bad news. Those were all from the Thriller/Suspense category, all novels, which I found by sorting by "most downloads." (Some were several pages in.) That means they were *popular.* Now I'm gonna show you the ones that aren't necessarily popular. Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
The next one has swear words, so I'm spoiler-tagging it. Spoiler:
TMI, dude, TMI. Get a damn blog. And a Fleshlight. Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
It gets worse. I've been avoiding fantasy and science fiction, because "Unpronounceable the Alien and his Robot Dog Spot" (or the fantasy equiv, Unpronounceable the Fae Warrior and his Soul-Steed, Iggy) are annoyingly common. But I figure that, since I do browse those genres sometimes, I might as well share the pain. Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
Note to aspiring authors: Have someone non-sympathetic, like a random co-worker, read your blurb. If they frown at it, you did it wrong. If they laugh, and your story is not supposed to be funny, you did it wrong. If they say, "I think that comma belongs over here instead... you did it wrong. Even if the comma is in the right place. If what they noticed was the comma, and not the Compelling Tale Which They Should Immediately Want To Read, your blurb is not what it should be. Fix it. |
||||||||||||||||||||
09-26-2012, 06:40 PM | #2 | |
Now what?
Posts: 58,840
Karma: 135181808
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Durham, NC
Device: Every Kindle Ever Made & To Be Made!
|
Quote:
|
|
Advert | |
|
09-26-2012, 06:43 PM | #3 |
Wizard
Posts: 3,117
Karma: 9269999
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: UK
Device: Sony- T3, PRS650, 350, T1/2/3, Paperwhite, Fire 8.9,Samsung Tab S 10.5
|
Never laugh at your own joke .......
Let me .... |
09-26-2012, 07:24 PM | #4 |
Wizard
Posts: 1,717
Karma: 3790058
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: NYC
Device: Kindle Paperwhite, Sony 650
|
You could start a blog with these! Like the bad book covers one, but for blurbs.
eP |
09-26-2012, 07:48 PM | #5 | |
Grand Sorcerer
Posts: 5,185
Karma: 25133758
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: SF Bay Area, California, USA
Device: Pocketbook Touch HD3 (Past: Kobo Mini, PEZ, PRS-505, Clié)
|
Quote:
And if I blogged them, people would expect links, or commentary, or something like that, unless... ...OMG, I think I've found a reason to start a Tumblr. Eep. |
|
Advert | |
|
09-26-2012, 10:15 PM | #6 |
Wizard
Posts: 3,144
Karma: 8426142
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Chicago, IL
Device: Kindle PW2, Kindle Voyage, Kindle DXG, Boox M90, Kobo Aura HD
|
You had me at "viscous."
|
09-26-2012, 11:04 PM | #7 |
temp. out of service
Posts: 2,791
Karma: 24285242
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Duisburg (DE)
Device: PB 623
|
About the needing one: who knows, maybe the reason for his book is to get money for a Fleshlight.
|
09-27-2012, 01:18 AM | #8 | |
Grand Sorcerer
Posts: 7,345
Karma: 52398889
Join Date: Oct 2010
Device: Kindle Fire, Kindle Paperwhite, AGPTek Bluetooth Clip
|
Quote:
|
|
09-27-2012, 05:43 AM | #9 | |
Readaholic
Posts: 5,137
Karma: 89858112
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: South Georgia
Device: Surface Pro 6 / Galaxy Tab A 8"
|
Quote:
Apache |
|
09-27-2012, 07:38 AM | #10 |
Guru
Posts: 895
Karma: 4383958
Join Date: Nov 2007
Device: na
|
Not read all the examples, but one set of blurb that annoys me on Amazon (and this is from published authors from some of the big however many there are now) is when the blurb is comprised of only the following
"Great read" A person some paper "Captivating, couldn't put it down" some other person who must carry around a lot as they can never put anything down. "Wow" more probably paid people... "Amazing" a few quotes that are likely just made up, hey who'll ever know... But not a single paragraph summarising what the book is actually about nor even what genre it is. There may be samples available, but that's no excuse imo. It's quicker to read a quick summary and decide if it fits the kind of books I usually read enough to download the sample and try it. I skipped a few books that were on offer for 20p the other day because of this. No idea what the book was about and didn't want to spend time downloading/reading a sample to find out :P Had there been a single paragraph of blurb that sounded even remotely interesting I'd have bought just bought them for the sake of 20p. |
09-27-2012, 07:44 AM | #11 |
Grand Sorcerer
Posts: 11,732
Karma: 128354696
Join Date: May 2009
Location: 26 kly from Sgr A*
Device: T100TA,PW2,PRS-T1,KT,FireHD 8.9,K2, PB360,BeBook One,Axim51v,TC1000
|
Crazed Killer + raging hurricane?
CSI: Miami did it. Didn't even muss Caruso's "hair". Of course, if it involved a raging killer and a crazed hurricane... |
09-27-2012, 07:50 AM | #12 | |
Are you gonna eat that?
Posts: 1,633
Karma: 23215128
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Phillipsburg, NJ
Device: Kindle 3, Nook STG
|
Quote:
Indie authors are also repeat offenders when it comes to this. "A great read"-Ted, Amazon reviewer. Ummm,ok, good for Ted but who is he and why should I care? Just tell me what your dopey novel is about. |
|
09-27-2012, 09:55 AM | #13 | |
Grand Sorcerer
Posts: 7,345
Karma: 52398889
Join Date: Oct 2010
Device: Kindle Fire, Kindle Paperwhite, AGPTek Bluetooth Clip
|
Quote:
|
|
09-27-2012, 09:56 AM | #14 |
Media Junkie
Posts: 278
Karma: 2039392
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Pennsylvania, USA
Device: Kobo Libra H20, Kindle PW
|
Yeesh. Yeah, none of those blurbs is making me regret avoiding the self-pub realm like the plague. Except for a laugh I suppose, but it's really more sad than anything if you think about it.
There should be some sort of minimum standard to weed out some of the irredeemable garbage. It would help keep authors with a degree of ability from being buried. I'm sure there are some self-published authors who can actually write, but I'm sure as heck not going to wade through the piles of sheer crap to find the odd gem. Sure, self published works tend to be cheaper, but you get what you pay for. Life's too short to read crappy books! |
09-27-2012, 10:34 AM | #15 | |
Wizard
Posts: 1,717
Karma: 3790058
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: NYC
Device: Kindle Paperwhite, Sony 650
|
Quote:
eP |
|
|
Similar Threads | ||||
Thread | Thread Starter | Forum | Replies | Last Post |
Pls review my cover and blurb | Quiss | Self-Promotions by Authors and Publishers | 6 | 08-15-2012 05:08 PM |
Does this blurb sound okay? | mr ploppy | Writers' Corner | 24 | 01-16-2012 01:14 PM |
Opinions on a blurb? | OneandonlyDoc | Writers' Corner | 8 | 08-06-2011 11:13 AM |
Writers Blurb Party | joycedb | Writers' Corner | 11 | 11-03-2010 11:06 AM |
Readius news blurb - for those still interested | askyn | News | 3 | 02-21-2010 01:55 PM |