Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 617

Fbone · 06-21-2016, 04:11 PM

I bought a vacuum cleaner six months ago and so far all it's been doing is gathering dust.

orlok · 06-21-2016, 05:20 PM

I'd tell you a great time travel joke...

but you didn't like it.

Bilbo1967 · 06-21-2016, 05:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by orlok

I'd tell you a great time travel joke...

but you didn't like it.

Heard that one before. Tomorrow.

drjd · 06-22-2016, 02:43 AM

While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant and resumed their trip. When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table. And, she didn't miss them until after they had been driving about twenty minutes. By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around in order to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses.

All the way back, the elderly husband became the classic grouchy old man. He fussed and complained and scolded his wife relentlessly during the entire return drive. The more he chided her, the more agitated he became. He just wouldn't let up one minute.

To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant. And as the woman got out of the car and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses, the old geezer yelled to her, "While you're in there, you might as well get my hat".

Fbone · 06-22-2016, 02:46 PM

You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going.

John K · 06-23-2016, 09:38 AM

Signs You're in America

-- a pizza can get to your house faster than an ambulance.

-- there are handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

-- Sick people must walk to the back of the drugstore to get their prescriptions, while healthy people can buy cigarettes in the front.

-- Banks leave both vault doors open, but pens are chained to the counters.

-- Expensive cars sit in the driveways and useless junk fills garages.

-- people use voice mail to screen calls and call waiting to catch every call they might miss.

-- Drive-Up ATM machines feature Braille lettering.

drjd · 06-23-2016, 11:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by John K

-- Drive-Up ATM machines feature Braille lettering.

Fbone · 06-24-2016, 12:38 AM

Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.

Fbone · 06-24-2016, 12:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by John K

-- Drive-Up ATM machines feature Braille lettering.

The ATM I use regularly has Braille lettering and also an audio jack.

drjd · 06-24-2016, 08:32 AM

I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.

Bookpossum · 06-25-2016, 04:24 AM

Oh dear!

Wetdogeared · 06-25-2016, 04:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by drjd

I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.

Wouldn't you be seven characters short?

John K · 06-25-2016, 08:57 AM

A boss was complaining in a staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect. Later that morning he went to a local sign shop and bought a small sign that read, "I'm the Boss". He then taped it to his office door.

When he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said. "Your wife called, she wants her sign back!"

wodin · 06-27-2016, 01:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wetdogeared

Wouldn't you be seven characters short?

Groan!

Fbone · 06-27-2016, 09:38 PM

I eat my tacos over a tortilla. That way when stuff falls out, BOOM, another taco.

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06-21-2016, 04:11 PM	#9241
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	I bought a vacuum cleaner six months ago and so far all it's been doing is gathering dust.

06-21-2016, 05:20 PM	#9242
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	I'd tell you a great time travel joke... but you didn't like it.

06-22-2016, 02:43 AM	#9244
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant and resumed their trip. When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table. And, she didn't miss them until after they had been driving about twenty minutes. By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around in order to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses. All the way back, the elderly husband became the classic grouchy old man. He fussed and complained and scolded his wife relentlessly during the entire return drive. The more he chided her, the more agitated he became. He just wouldn't let up one minute. To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant. And as the woman got out of the car and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses, the old geezer yelled to her, "While you're in there, you might as well get my hat".

06-22-2016, 02:46 PM	#9245
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going.

06-23-2016, 09:38 AM	#9246
John K Reader Posts: 266 Karma: 13465550 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: USA Device: Kindle DXG, Kobo Forma	Signs You're in America -- a pizza can get to your house faster than an ambulance. -- there are handicap parking places in front of a skating rink. -- Sick people must walk to the back of the drugstore to get their prescriptions, while healthy people can buy cigarettes in the front. -- Banks leave both vault doors open, but pens are chained to the counters. -- Expensive cars sit in the driveways and useless junk fills garages. -- people use voice mail to screen calls and call waiting to catch every call they might miss. -- Drive-Up ATM machines feature Braille lettering.

06-24-2016, 12:38 AM	#9248
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.

06-24-2016, 08:32 AM	#9250
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.

06-25-2016, 04:24 AM	#9251
Bookpossum Snoozing in the sun Posts: 10,137 Karma: 115423645 Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Melbourne, Australia Device: iPad Mini, Kobo Touch	Oh dear!

06-25-2016, 08:57 AM	#9253
John K Reader Posts: 266 Karma: 13465550 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: USA Device: Kindle DXG, Kobo Forma	A boss was complaining in a staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect. Later that morning he went to a local sign shop and bought a small sign that read, "I'm the Boss". He then taped it to his office door. When he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said. "Your wife called, she wants her sign back!"

06-27-2016, 09:38 PM	#9255
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	I eat my tacos over a tortilla. That way when stuff falls out, BOOM, another taco.