Unutterably Silly Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day

[IanD]

Originally Posted by Cyberman tM

RTL2 - So all you did was watch TV?



(And not even good TV...)

Ha! (For those not aware.)

Back then, I used to work with a printout of the entire program on my desk, marking it up as I made modifications. Then having to wait 4 hours for a compile, only to find that I'd misplaced a semi-colon, or something. Certainly focused the mind...

[alansplace]

[orlok]

My grandfather was on The Titanic.

And as far as I know, he still is.

[alansplace]

[alansplace]

Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day.
Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.

[PoP]

When his beloved dog died from old age, a Catholic parishioner asked his priest to bury the dog in the cemetary. "Can't do that, this is not holy, and would not be accepted by the Catholic church" replied the priest. But seeing how desperate the man was to honor his dog, he added "You can try with the Protestant church down the street, I think they accept animals". "Do you think $5,000 would be enough for them to cover the funeral" then asked the parisioner to the priest ...who replied: "Oh, you never told me your dog was Catholic"!

[PoP]

[alansplace]

[orlok]

My wife started cooking for our guests and told me to prepare the table.

So I went in and warned them all about her cooking.

[yvanleterrible]

Originally Posted by orlok

My wife started cooking for our guests and told me to prepare the table.

So I went in and warned them all about her cooking.

I usually start for the woodshop and make one...

[PoP]

A farmer stopped at a garage to get his truck repaired.

The mechanic couldn't immediately repair and had to keep the truck.

Since the farmer lived nearby he decided to walk back home.

On his way, he entered in a shop, bought a pail and a gallon of paint. Then later in another shop bought two hens and a goose. He then realized bringing everything home, on foot, would be a problem.

As he was reflecting on a solution, an old lost lady came and asked "Can you tell me how to get to 16 Bush street?"

The farmer replied "Well, my farm is very close to that house, I would certainly get you there but I hardly can carry all the stuff I bought."

To which the old lady suggested "Why dont you put the paint in the pail, carry it with one hand, put one hen under each arm, and hold the goose with the other hand?"

"Very good" said the farmer, now accompanying the lady. On their way he then announced "Let's take a shortcut, walking this path through the bushes, we will be there in no time."

The old lady looked at him intensely and said "I am a defenseless widow, how do I know that once on that path you are not going to push me into the bushes, roll up my skirt and God knows what?"

"Sacrebleu, little lady, I carry a pail, a full gallon of paint, two hens and a goose. How the hell could I possibly abuse you like that!" said the exceeded farmer.

And she said "Put the goose down, cover her up with the pail, and the gallon of paint over it, I will hold the hens..."

[PoP]

(for french-enclined readers)


AVEC LA CRISE QUE NOUS TRAVERSONS, TOUT LE MONDE SOUFFRE!

Les problèmes des boulangers sont croissants.
Alors que les bouchers veulent défendre leur steak,
Les éleveurs de volailles se font plumer
Et en ont assez d'être les dindons de la farce.
Les éleveurs de chiens sont aux abois..
Les pêcheurs haussent le ton
Et bien sûr, les éleveurs de porcs sont dans la merde.
Les céréaliculteurs sont sur la paille.
Alors que les brasseurs sont sous pression.
Les viticulteurs trinquent, heureusement.
Les électriciens résistent.
Mais pour les couvreurs, c'est la tuile.
Certains plombiers en ont ras-le-bol,
Et les autres prennent la fuite.
Chez GM , les salariés débrayent,
Et la direction fait marche arrière.
A l'Hydro, les syndicats sont sous tension,
Mais le grand patron ne semblent pas au courant.
Les cheminots voulaient garder leur train de vie,
Mais la crise est arrivée sans crier gare.
Les veilleurs de nuit vivent au jour le jour,
Et les carillonneurs ont le bourdon.
Les ambulanciers ruent dans les brancards,
Pendant que les pédicures travaillent d'arrache-pied.
Les croupiers jouent le tout pour le tout.
Les cordonniers sont mis à pied.
Les dessinateurs font grise mine.
Les exterminateurs ont le cafard.
Des militaires battent en retraite,
Et les policiers se sont arrêtés.
Les imprimeurs dépriment.
Les météorologues aussi sont en dépression.
Les prostituées se retrouvent sur le trottoir,
C'est vraiment une mauvaise passe...

[Bilbo1967]

The best joke of the Edinburgh Festival has been announced. It was:

"I just deleted all the German names off my phone. It's Hans free"

[alansplace]

[PoP]

Bill and Sam are two very old friends. They meet every day at the park to feed pigeons, look at the squirells and have little chats.

One day, Bill did not show up. Sam thought nothing of it, maybe did Bill catch a cold or something. But a week later, Sam started to worry.

The park had been their only meeting place. Sam didn't know where Bill lived and had no way to ask what had happened to him. One month passed, Sam thought he would never see Bill again. But then, as he approached the park he saw Bill sitting on the bench.

Sam, very happy, asked:

"For god sake, what happened with you"?

"I have been in prison for the whole month"! answered Bill.

"In prison"! shouted Sam. "But why"?

"Well, ...you know Sue, the cute little brunette serving at the coffee shop I go to every day".

"Sure I remember her, what about it"? asked Sam.

"Well ...she accused me of raping her. Having 89 years, I felt so proud that I pleaded guilty in court, and the dammed judge gave me 30 days in prison",

"for perjury".