11-16-2009, 09:13 AM | #1 |
Chocolate Grasshopper ...
Posts: 27,600
Karma: 20821184
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Scotland
Device: Muse HD , Cybook Gen3 , Pocketbook 302 (Black) , Nexus 10: wife has PW
|
Monday Laugh-in
Hmmmmmmm
( I loved 26 !!!! ) These are sentences actually typed by Medical secretaries in NHS Greater Glasgow 1. The patient has no previous history of suicides. 2. Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital. 3. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days. 4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night. 5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. 6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared. 7.. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed. 8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993. 9. Discharge status:- Alive, but without my permission. 10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert, but forgetful. 11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch. 12. She is numb from her toes down. 13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home. 14. The skin was moist and dry. 15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches. 16. Patient was alert and unresponsive. 17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid. 18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce. 19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our care for physical therapy. 20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation. 21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized. 22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function. 23. Skin: somewhat pale, but present. 24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor. 25. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall. 26. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities 27. When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room. 28. The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane20ran out of fuel and crashed. 29. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant. 30. She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December. 31. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Smith, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree. 32. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead. 33. By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better. Stay away from hospitals ! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Three mischievous old Grannies were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home when an old Grandpa walked by. And one of the old Grandmas yelled out saying, "We bet we can tell exactly how old you are." The old man said, "There is no way you can guess it, you old fools." One of the old Grandmas said, "Sure we can! - Just drop your pants and under shorts and we can tell your exact age." Embarrassed just a little, but anxious to prove they couldn't do it, he dropped his drawers. The Grandmas asked him to first turn around a couple of times and to jump up and down several times. Then they all piped up and said, "You're 87 years old!" Standing with his pants down around his ankles, the old gent asked, "How in the world did you guess?" Slapping their knees and grinning from ear to ear, the three old ladies happily yelled in unison... "We were at your birthday party yesterday!" |
11-16-2009, 10:07 AM | #2 |
Icanhasdonuts?
Posts: 2,837
Karma: 532407
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Mölnbo, Sweden
Device: Kobo Aura 2nd edition, Kobo Clara HD
|
Ok... number 30 was the cause for needing a new keyboard
|
Advert | |
|
11-16-2009, 06:58 PM | #3 |
Wizard
Posts: 2,615
Karma: 96491
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Montreal, Qc
Device: xxx
|
AAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My ribs hurt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was trying to find a couple of my favorites, but I just can't bring the list under 30... That was hi-la-ri-ous!!!!!!!!! |
11-16-2009, 07:39 PM | #4 |
WWHALD
Posts: 7,879
Karma: 337114
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Mitcham, Surrey, UK
Device: iPad. Selling my silver 505 here
|
Some of those were painfully funny! |
11-16-2009, 07:54 PM | #5 |
Wizard
Posts: 2,627
Karma: 406616
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Northern Virginia
Device: SurfacePro, SurfaceBook 2
|
Brilliant!! I loved them all!
|
Advert | |
|
11-16-2009, 09:06 PM | #6 |
Fanatic
Posts: 535
Karma: 972
Join Date: Jul 2009
Device: The new iPad
|
Stay away from hospitals! hahaha.
nice post! |
11-16-2009, 09:23 PM | #7 |
Grand Sorcerer
Posts: 11,247
Karma: 35000000
Join Date: Jan 2008
Device: Pocketbook
|
Reminds me of my youth. I worked my way though college with government jobs. The first two summers were working in the records department of the second largest hospital in the US military. Needless to say some of the records were hilarious. My favorite was...
Patient inhaled french fry... |
11-16-2009, 09:27 PM | #8 |
Addict
Posts: 204
Karma: 250000
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Great White North
Device: PRS-505
|
Fond memories of Laugh-In.
|
11-17-2009, 01:09 AM | #9 |
It's Dr. Penguin now!
Posts: 3,909
Karma: 4705733
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: (USA)
Device: iPad mini, Samsung Note 3, Sony PRS-650 (rarely used now)
|
hahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Thanks, I feel *so* much better! Itʻs been a rough few days at my house. I think #9 is very appropriate.... |
11-17-2009, 05:37 AM | #10 |
Chocolate Grasshopper ...
Posts: 27,600
Karma: 20821184
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Scotland
Device: Muse HD , Cybook Gen3 , Pocketbook 302 (Black) , Nexus 10: wife has PW
|
for many hooohaas on a cold winters night, watch live TV news broadcasts with teletext !!!
|
11-18-2009, 12:25 AM | #11 |
It's Dr. Penguin now!
Posts: 3,909
Karma: 4705733
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: (USA)
Device: iPad mini, Samsung Note 3, Sony PRS-650 (rarely used now)
|
|
11-18-2009, 09:32 AM | #12 |
Enjoying the show....
Posts: 14,270
Karma: 10462841
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Arizona
Device: A K1, Kindle Paperwhite, an Ipod, IPad2, Iphone, an Ipad Mini & macAir
|
|
|
Similar Threads | ||||
Thread | Thread Starter | Forum | Replies | Last Post |
ok dont laugh but they are selling for less than $175 | davidspitzer | News | 18 | 04-16-2010 10:29 PM |
Books that make you laugh -- recommendations | LJL | Reading Recommendations | 121 | 03-11-2010 08:50 PM |
Please help me laugh | LDBoblo | Reading Recommendations | 30 | 07-30-2009 02:34 PM |
what made you laugh out loud today? | GraceKrispy | Lounge | 30 | 07-24-2009 05:50 AM |
If you need a laugh... | Nate the great | Lounge | 3 | 12-02-2007 01:07 PM |