The Phoenix Rising V2.xx

jaxx6166 · 03-08-2009, 09:36 PM

As promised, here's the new version The Phoenix Rising: Preview Edition for you guys to check out and read/respond...

Since this is still a WIP - all I ask for you guys is to offer up your comments/suggestions.

Yes, both positive AND negative.

If you don't like it - tell me why.. If something's amiss - please point it out to me =)

Current version is 2.01 - it contains roughly the first 50 pages of text.

Thread will be updated as new versions become available. Formats available are LIT, PDF, and LRF. If you guys can convert to anything else, please advise and we can update this thread.

Please post comments/critiques in this thread

*MODS: If possible, can you please delete the "Day of the Dead" thread I created to avoid a double post of the same information

Moejoe · 03-08-2009, 10:03 PM

Will give it a look soonish, Jaxx, once my workload has settled down. Should be in the next few days.

GeoffC · 03-11-2009, 01:37 PM

dsip · 03-11-2009, 04:06 PM

I can't wait to get an e-book reader.. as soon as I have one, I'll read this and give you feedback. Great idea.

jaxx6166 · 03-11-2009, 09:09 PM

@ Geoff -

The first draft was completed in 2k5, then I got sidetracked with other projects. Didn't come back to it up until like 3 months ago.

Once 2.02 gets finished the (C) will be edited to show the newest version number and day completed

Moejoe · 03-29-2009, 06:45 AM

Sorry for the late reply, Jaxx, only just got around to putting your excerpt on my Reader. I'm reading now, and so far loving the story, nothing's jumping out at me flow wise, but I'll give you a more in-depth review later on.

jaxx6166 · 04-02-2009, 06:36 PM

Thanks MJ.

Work continues on rewrites, it moves slowly though. I'm running into issues with some characters right now.

Moejoe · 04-02-2009, 07:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jaxx6166

Thanks MJ.

Work continues on rewrites, it moves slowly though. I'm running into issues with some characters right now.

I'm sorry haven't got back to you yet, what with work, my own writing and editing, and well... life... it's taking a little longer than usual.

jaxx6166 · 04-02-2009, 07:36 PM

I know that feeling....

My question to those that read the excerpt:

What do you think of the character of Sam? Does he seem like an extra thrown in or a main character?

I ask the same question of Constance and the rest of the Reibert family.

Discuss. =)

dreams · 09-19-2009, 04:49 PM

I just finished the 110 pages of your book, The Phoenix Rising.

I have to admit, I fully planned to keep a notebook open to track needed edits, etc, but found myself caught up in the story, and ..... well, forgot to record any.

The one thing that did make me pause was a blank page or two in the lrf format, but I quickly moved on to get to the story.

I am very interested in the continuation and fleshing out of this story. Have you completed it yet?

And, hey, I was left hanging with the return phone call.

****I like how there seems to be a deeper connection between Sam, his family, The Right to Know, and what is happening. So far, having the background of Sam's family adds information for the story.
Constance is an interesting character I would like to know more about.***

jaxx6166 · 10-02-2009, 12:06 PM

Hey Dreams. Sorry it took forever to respond. Work on the rewrite has progressed rather slowly. And by rather slowly, I mean a snail would beat a chetah in a race at this point. There's an awful lot of work that I need to do still. I don't know if it will ever get done at this point either.
My switch from 1st/3rd to strictly 3rd person has hit a few snags that require a whole lot of plot repair and stuff. I'm trying to go back through what I have right now and maybe salvage some of it. But I am seeing all sorts of errors and plotholes buried deeper. If you want the original, I'll gladly throw it out there. But, be warned: It's raw..and mostly uncut :-)

I'm just getting the hang of Scrivener, so maybe the pace will pick up. The final version of this will most likely be vastly different from what you have in your hands right now. Such is the joy of writing. =P

** And for the record, new Constance is so much more interesting than old Constance. She'll probably make the cut. And so will Sam, in highly modified form. The funeral scene and the fire scene will probably come back, but they need to be reworked from the ground up. Everything else between then and there is up for grabs. When I originally wrote this several years ago, I don't think I was prepared to juggle three different character arcs and three seperate stories. Here's hoping three years later I can. :-)

I think the beauty of Scrivener is I can now write the three stories individually and apart from each other and then combine them into one final draft. Will try that next. Constance is plotted about 50 scenes or so. Sam was plotted for 75 - 100. Bad guy was plotted for at least 15, and none of them had any motivations or other character arcs. He was pretty much brooding bad guy. LoL.

dreams · 10-02-2009, 02:09 PM

Thank you for getting back to me, and letting me know about the progress on your book.

I guess, I'll forgive you for leaving me hanging on that return phone call (only because it sounds like there will be a story sometime).

I know that you can pull the characters and their stories together, and I will be waiting to read the new "improved" version. Have fun with it.

03-11-2009, 01:37 PM	#3
GeoffC Chocolate Grasshopper ... Posts: 27,600 Karma: 20821184 Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Scotland Device: Muse HD , Cybook Gen3 , Pocketbook 302 (Black) , Nexus 10: wife has PW	well that certainly confused me (pdf) - copyright 2005 ?

03-11-2009, 09:09 PM	#5
jaxx6166 Wizard Posts: 1,222 Karma: 769316 Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Eternal summer Device: 350, iPad, PW	@ Geoff - The first draft was completed in 2k5, then I got sidetracked with other projects. Didn't come back to it up until like 3 months ago. Once 2.02 gets finished the (C) will be edited to show the newest version number and day completed Last edited by jaxx6166; 03-11-2009 at 09:14 PM.

10-02-2009, 12:06 PM	#11
jaxx6166 Wizard Posts: 1,222 Karma: 769316 Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Eternal summer Device: 350, iPad, PW	Hey Dreams. Sorry it took forever to respond. Work on the rewrite has progressed rather slowly. And by rather slowly, I mean a snail would beat a chetah in a race at this point. There's an awful lot of work that I need to do still. I don't know if it will ever get done at this point either. My switch from 1st/3rd to strictly 3rd person has hit a few snags that require a whole lot of plot repair and stuff. I'm trying to go back through what I have right now and maybe salvage some of it. But I am seeing all sorts of errors and plotholes buried deeper. If you want the original, I'll gladly throw it out there. But, be warned: It's raw..and mostly uncut :-) I'm just getting the hang of Scrivener, so maybe the pace will pick up. The final version of this will most likely be vastly different from what you have in your hands right now. Such is the joy of writing. =P ** And for the record, new Constance is so much more interesting than old Constance. She'll probably make the cut. And so will Sam, in highly modified form. The funeral scene and the fire scene will probably come back, but they need to be reworked from the ground up. Everything else between then and there is up for grabs. When I originally wrote this several years ago, I don't think I was prepared to juggle three different character arcs and three seperate stories. Here's hoping three years later I can. :-) I think the beauty of Scrivener is I can now write the three stories individually and apart from each other and then combine them into one final draft. Will try that next. Constance is plotted about 50 scenes or so. Sam was plotted for 75 - 100. Bad guy was plotted for at least 15, and none of them had any motivations or other character arcs. He was pretty much brooding bad guy. LoL. Last edited by jaxx6166; 10-02-2009 at 12:13 PM.

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03-08-2009, 10:03 PM	#2
Moejoe Banned Posts: 5,100 Karma: 72193 Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: South of the Border Device: Coffin	Will give it a look soonish, Jaxx, once my workload has settled down. Should be in the next few days.

03-11-2009, 04:06 PM	#4
dsip Connoisseur Posts: 73 Karma: 495694 Join Date: Feb 2009 Device: Between Devices..	I can't wait to get an e-book reader.. as soon as I have one, I'll read this and give you feedback. Great idea.

03-29-2009, 06:45 AM	#6
Moejoe Banned Posts: 5,100 Karma: 72193 Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: South of the Border Device: Coffin	Sorry for the late reply, Jaxx, only just got around to putting your excerpt on my Reader. I'm reading now, and so far loving the story, nothing's jumping out at me flow wise, but I'll give you a more in-depth review later on.

04-02-2009, 06:36 PM	#7
jaxx6166 Wizard Posts: 1,222 Karma: 769316 Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Eternal summer Device: 350, iPad, PW	Thanks MJ. Work continues on rewrites, it moves slowly though. I'm running into issues with some characters right now.

04-02-2009, 07:36 PM	#9
jaxx6166 Wizard Posts: 1,222 Karma: 769316 Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Eternal summer Device: 350, iPad, PW	I know that feeling.... My question to those that read the excerpt: What do you think of the character of Sam? Does he seem like an extra thrown in or a main character? I ask the same question of Constance and the rest of the Reibert family. Discuss. =)

09-19-2009, 04:49 PM	#10
dreams It's about the umbrella Posts: 25,112 Karma: 56250158 Join Date: Jan 2009 Device: Sony 505\| K Fire \| KK 3G+Wi-Fi \| iPhone 3Gs \|Vista 32-bit Hm Prem w/FF	I just finished the 110 pages of your book, The Phoenix Rising. I have to admit, I fully planned to keep a notebook open to track needed edits, etc, but found myself caught up in the story, and ..... well, forgot to record any. The one thing that did make me pause was a blank page or two in the lrf format, but I quickly moved on to get to the story. I am very interested in the continuation and fleshing out of this story. Have you completed it yet? And, hey, I was left hanging with the return phone call. **I like how there seems to be a deeper connection between Sam, his family, The Right to Know, and what is happening. So far, having the background of Sam's family adds information for the story. Constance is an interesting character I would like to know more about.*

10-02-2009, 02:09 PM	#12
dreams It's about the umbrella Posts: 25,112 Karma: 56250158 Join Date: Jan 2009 Device: Sony 505\| K Fire \| KK 3G+Wi-Fi \| iPhone 3Gs \|Vista 32-bit Hm Prem w/FF	Thank you for getting back to me, and letting me know about the progress on your book. I guess, I'll forgive you for leaving me hanging on that return phone call (only because it sounds like there will be a story sometime). I know that you can pull the characters and their stories together, and I will be waiting to read the new "improved" version. Have fun with it.

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