Unutterably Silly Chaos in the land of Pinwheel

[Slite]

Chapter 1

The hunt begins!

Montsnmags strode up to the camp-fire, removed his longbow, threw a couple of rabbits to the small grey dog who sat next to the fire and said:

"Hey, VR, clean these and cook them for us will you?"

The dog glared at montsnmags for a long time before he finally shook his head, heaved a big sigh, scratched himself for a minute and said.

"Why the heck do I always have to do the dirty work around here?"

"Dude, I catch'em you cook'em, OK?" montsnmags said while he fingered the wicked looking knife that hung at his side.

"Okokok, no need to get testy about it, I'll hop right to" VivaldiRules said and quickly skinned and cleaned the rabbits (which when you think about it is quite a feat without opposable thumbs)

"So, any traces of Queen Z or her kidnappers?" VR asked montsnmags when the rabbits hung over the fire slowly roasting

"None, they seem to be able to hide their tracks very well" montsnmags said while he stared into the fire contemplating what to do next.

They had been on the trail of the ones who had abducted Queen Zelda for the better part of a week now, and all they had been able to come up with so far was a trace here and there, just enough to convince them that they were on the right track. The Queen had been snatched away while out on her morning stroll. Montsnmags as the Queens champion had hardly taken time to snatch up his weapons, and of course pick up Vivaldi who he found in one of the more disreputable kennels in the shadier parts of town, before heading of in pursuit of the kidnappers.

"From the direction they have been traveling, it seems they are trying to reach the northern mountain range, and if they do, we'll never find them, so we can't let that happen" montsnmags speculated as he took one of the rabbits from the fire and started eating.

"Mruff, groff, bark" Vivaldi said, chewed quickly and swallowed, "Sorry, I meant to say, No, we must catch them before that, but it's hard to speak with your mouth full of rabbit"

They ate in silence, quietly pondering on the disaster that would befall Pinwheel if the Queens was not rescued as quickly as possible. Both knew that the Queens cousin Nate the Great was next in line for the throne, and seeing him ascend to it was not something either one of them liked to think about. They could just imagine the stately national anthem of Pinwheel being replaced by "Never gonna give you up". Not that Nate was such a bad guy really, he just had a very warped sense of humour that no-one wanted to experience for too long.

"Ok, let's go dog, you can put your nose to better use than sniffing the bushes!" montsnmags said as he put out the fire, shouldered his longbow and took of in the direction that Vivaldi has indicated before setting up the camp. "Still a long way to go"

They moved silently through the forest searching for signs of the passing of the kidnappers, and if it had not been for Vivaldis very sensitive nose, there would have been no way to spot that someone had passed through this way. But said nose attached to said dog did the job it was designed to do, so sure enough, every now and then. Vivaldi picked up a trace of the abductors and their abducted passing through.

"That way" Vivaldi said pointing to the left when the trail they followed suddenly forked.

"You sure?" montsnmags looked down at his small companion

"Yepp, one guy headed down the right fork to confuse me, but I can smell the Queens perfume heading down the left. Trust me on this one. I would recognise it anywhere after all the bellyrubs I had from her! I could never forge.... YIPP!"

The abrupt breakoff in recognisable speech on the part of VivaldiRules is due to the fact that a large foot suddenly came down grazing the tip of his tail. The foot was equally quickly gone again but a thunderous voice could be heard reverberating through the forest

"I AM THE SNACKER OF NATIONS! HEAR ME AND TREMBLE!"

"What the heck was that?" Vivaldi said with a slight tremor in his voice

"Oh, just DixieGal on another one of her rampages, don't mind her, she's harmless really" montsnmags stated while Vivaldi inspected his tail and counting all the hairs to make sure none were missing.

"Let's get going, we are falling behind already!" montsnmags started down the left fork at a run

"Oh, and by the way VR, if you don't stop whistling 'They're taking the Hobbits to Isengard' I'll neuter you right here and now!" montsnmags made a gesture towards the knife at his hip.

Vivaldi who had just started to draw in air to start whistling let it out in a huff, and started jogging after montsnmags while grumbling silently to himself...

[zelda_pinwheel]

JOY !!! new saga from slite !!! this is my favorite new tradition in the world !!!!

[zelda_pinwheel]

Both knew that the Queens cousin Nate the Great was next in line for the throne, and seeing him ascend to it was not something either one of them liked to think about. They could just imagine the stately national anthem of Pinwheel being replaced by "Never gonna give you up".

paaa hahahaha !!!!!

Originally Posted by Slite

"Oh, just DixieGal on another one of her rampages, don't mind her, she's harmless really"

i'd call her "mostly harmless" at best...

[Nate the great]

Both knew that the Queens cousin Nate the Great was next in line for the throne, and seeing him ascend to it was not something either one of them liked to think about. They could just imagine the stately national anthem of Pinwheel being replaced by "Never gonna give you up".

I'm also planning to replace the current military uniforms with spandex.

[Nate the great]

And the national airline will be replaced with a couple thousand hummingbirds on RedBull and a few rolls of duct tape.

[zelda_pinwheel]

Originally Posted by Nate the great

I'm also planning to replace the current military uniforms with spandex.

Originally Posted by Nate the great

And the national airline will be replaced with a couple thousand hummingbirds on RedBull and a few rolls of duct tape.

...thus vr and montsnmags' understandable eagerness to rescue the queen...

[GeoffC]

Montsnmags had a longbow !!!! - nay a boomerang ...

[Nate the great]

Originally Posted by Nate the great

I'm also planning to replace the current military uniforms with spandex.

And not just any spandex. Picture this: a one-size-fits-all spandex short-shorts. (On the larger soldiers it's going to end up being a spandex thong.)

[zelda_pinwheel]

Originally Posted by Nate the great

And not just any spandex. Picture this: a one-size-fits-all spandex short-shorts. (On the larger soldiers it's going to end up being a spandex thong.)

wow. i *really* hope they manage to rescue me. nobody should have to endure that.

[Patricia]

And as the two of them set off on their quest, may we hope that they will meet a pair of socks and, perhaps a tin man called planet-head?

[montsnmags]

Originally Posted by zelda_pinwheel

wow. i *really* hope they manage to rescue me. nobody should have to endure that.

Now, now, let's not be too hasty here....

Cheers,
Montsnmags (fondling his longbow)

[Slite]

Originally Posted by Nate the great

And not just any spandex. Picture this: a one-size-fits-all spandex short-shorts. (On the larger soldiers it's going to end up being a spandex thong.)

Ack... now I just have to work budgie-smugglers into this... Thank you sooooooo very much Nate.... /me goes of trying to figure out how the heck I'm gonna pull this one off

[montsnmags]

Originally Posted by Slite

...trying to figure out how the heck I'm gonna pull this one off

...so to speak.

Cheers,
Marc

[Slite]

Originally Posted by montsnmags

...so to speak.

Cheers,
Marc

Oh my, that one was completely unintended.... "pull this off...."

[Slite]

Chapter 2

Brain the size of a planet and no place to go

“Hey Monts!!” Vivaldi suddenly stopped dead in his tracks, turned in circles with his nose on the trail sniffing hard.

“Whats up?”

“I think they left the trail here and headed into the woods....” Vivaldi said while he slowly edged of the trail to the right. “Yessirebob! They headed in this direction, Queen Z and two men, one is continuing on the trail, trying to confuse me again” Vivaldi looked up while his tail wagged happily “Do I get a treat now? I'll take a Bacon'n'Cheese roll!”

“No treats yet, when we find them you can have as many of those things as you can stomach, just make sure you warn me before they have to come out again, OK?”

VivaldiRules looked like he was about to object, but seeing montsnmags finger his knife he wisely decided against it, and took off into the forest in the new direction, silently humming “We're off to see the Wizard” to himself.

With Vivaldi in the lead they made double-quick time through the woods, when all of a sudden the dog stopped, put his nose in the air, sniffled loudly, as his ears twitched.

“There's someone up ahead!” he stated.

“Human?” monts asked as he removed his longbow and stringed it just in case.

“Nope” Vivaldi stated and sniffed harder “Metallic scented... This way!”

Vivaldi took off with his ears perked up and tail held high, and after a few hundred yards, they came suddenly to a small clearing. In the clearing stood a small man made out of what looked like metal and plastic.

“Hello and welcome to my clearing” the small robot said “it's incredibly boring and dull, and the pine-cones are terribly dull conversationists, but it's my clearing and the only one I got, so take it or leave it, see if I care”

“Hello Taylor514c” montsnmags said “I wondered where you had wandered off to this time”

“When you have a brain as big as mine, you can only stand human denseness for so long without going absolutely off your rocker you know?” Taylor said as he slowly sat down and starting to arrange his pine-cones in neat little rows “So I decided to head into the woods for a while, and here I have found peace, dull, boring, making my teeth hurt (if I had any) peace, and of course also there are my loyal subjects, the pine-cones!”

VivaldiRules saw this as an opportune moment too slowly edge away from the clearly insane robot. Montsnmags however just nodded in agreement. Having known Taylor for a longer time, he knew that this happened on a regular basis but that Taylor was usually easy to get along with, besides, he knew he was faster if the fecal matter would hit the rotary blades.

“By the way Taylor, you've seen Queen Z and two men pass by this way recently?”

Taylor seemed to mull the question over for a while, then shook his giant head slowlyand said.

“Not that I remember, but then, I've been busy training my elite attack squadron of pinecones, the SFS or Special Forest Service” Taylor pointed to a pile of camouflage-painted pine-cones that lay of to the side “They seem to have some trouble grasping the whole stealth thing”

“Right!” Montsnmags said “Well, good luck with your buddies, and we'll see you later, ok?”

“Yeah, whatever” Taylor514c said and turned back to his pine-cones.

Monts and Vivaldi headed of into the woods again.

“Pick up the trail again will you Vivaldi? That little detour was pointless, but when Taylor is involved, thats usually what happens” Monts said as they got back in stride.

“Sure boss, whatever you say, as long as there are Bacon'n'Cheese rolls waiting for me in the end”

Vivaldi took of with his nose glued to the ground, sounding a bit like a hog searching for truffles while he tried to pick up the trail again.

“Ah, here it is.” he said finally and scampered off in pursuit of their prey “We're gaining on them, it can't be more than an hour or two since they passed through here”

“Good!” Monts said “I can't wait to get my hands on the filthy bastards that took the Queen!”

“Then lets go! They're taking the Hobbits to Isen...”

“VIVALDI! Shut up with that stupid song!” Monts growled

“Sorry boss, I forgot” Vivaldi apologized while he tried to protect his googly bits by sticking his tail between his legs “wont happen again, I promise!”