TARGETED BY TWO NEIGHBORS FROM HELL: A True Story about Lies, Sabotage, and Murder At

[alexjames4u]

Hi,

My name is Alex James. Been trying to figure how to make a post in the 'Introductions' section, but no luck so far. So, when I stumbled on in this section to start 'new thread,' I decided to do what I came here to do (link my book) and perhaps sort the intro later. Hope I'm not breaking any rules with this. So, here goes....

There are neighbors from hell in countless neighborhoods, all over the world. Below is the URL to a book with perhaps one of the more bizarre tales on the subject. (A free book-offer until midnight Aug 21). https://www.amazon.com/dp/B074T2PMMR

Sometimes the authorities cannot or chose not to do anything about the situation until it’s too late. In such cases, victims can only share stories and perhaps take comfort in the fact that their own story might not be the worst.

As mentioned, the book is offered free until August 21. Nevertheless, if this is seen after that date you can still look inside the book at the amazon site to help decide whether to make a purchase. If interested, please read it, or in part, and leave a review at that site by way of the same link below, if you feel inclined to do so. (Ignore the outdated link inside the book).

[Incidentally, the paragraphing seems to have been compromised by the system, but please go ahead anyway. It will be fixed, of course (so no need to penalize for that in the review) but it was felt to be a better idea to wait until this free promotion ends, because fixing it now would make the free book inaccessible until after the promo ends, when it would no longer be free – if you catch my drift.]

Yep! Your favorable review helps to sell the book. And that’s the idea behind offering it free, initially, exposing it to potential readers. Thanx.

The book is entitled: TARGETED BY TWO NEIGHBORS FROM HELL: A True Story about Economic Demise, Slanderous Lies, and Impending Murder

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B074T2PMMR

[Cinisajoy]

Hi.
On the first part, just scroll down to the introduce yourself forum and start a thread there like you did here.
You can answer posts in this thread anytime except for your own in which case you must wait 7 days.

Now a couple of quick critiques. Your description on your book page is way too long. It also gave away most of the book. Most people do not click read more. Shorten it to a quick description.

Second, why do you have book 1 by the your name in the title?
Is it book 1 in a series? Is it your first book ever? Did you read on another forum you needed to do that?

Oh and lastly, if this is a true story, do you have permission to use these people in your book?
Or did you change ALL names?

Now having said all that, since it is free today I will grab it and give it the once over.
Note: I may be back.

[Cinisajoy]

Hi Alex,
I am back. I don't know if you want my review on Amazon so I will put it here.
I feel like I have already read the book because you just put the first of the book as your description.
The first few pages read like a first year college English paper. (The descriptive one).
You really need to give these women names as Enemy1 and Enemy2 got confusing in a hurry along with your use of other no name descriptions.
Also 444 pages and no chapter breaks.

Now you have your first review.

[alexjames4u]

Hi Chinisajoy,

Thanks for your honest opinion.

Truth is that the thing never began life with any aspirations to become a book. And I guess it shows. It was more of an account of what transpired with these people over the years.

In fact, the first part was expanded from a more concise report of the overall situation, made out for the police. This probably explains the focus on getting the main gist of the story out as soon as possible, with the details expanded from there. (Not the recipe for a suspense-filled novel, for sure).

Never had anything to do with a book before, either (except to read them) and, obviously, it shows. Willing to learn, though. So, this reference to 'chapter-breaks' isn't too familiar. Could you explain? I'd thought that the list of contents and the significant spacing between chapters was enough of a break, with the heading of each chapter heralding the contents of the said chapter. Just shows how much I know - or don't know.

I guess what this 'book' relies on for interest is the bizarre antics of the antagonists - and, hopefully, the exposure and unraveling of the slanderous lies might have held the interest of some others too. It relies heavily on any interest the reader may have in how far neighbors from hell will go to persecute and even harm their target. And, so I guess it will disappoint the fan of a suspense-novel, for instance, unless he steps out of that mode to focus on the elements just cited. Understandably, some may find that not too interesting.

Nevertheless, if you or anyone here finds that, in switching to the latter mode, the book has even an iota of merit, then please do go right ahead and leave a review at amazon for others of like mind, or mode.

Thanks again guys. I welcome any further comment, of course (i.e the bad ones here, and the good ones at amazon, hopefully - LOL).

Cheers.

[Cinisajoy]

Hi. Do you own a Kindle?
You really need to look at your book through a reader's eyes.
I look at it on my kindle and it is one big blob.
I couldn't even get through the first few pages for getting lost as to who's who and who did what.
I do like true crime so I thought the story would be and interesting.
It is very obvious you know nothing about books. This is not a good thing if you want your story read.
If you think my review was bad, the reviews at Amazon can and do make me look kind.
In all honesty, your book as it is right now would get a D in an English class. You made me want to bring out my red pen. I do see potential in you.

My advice is take it down immediately. Redo it. Suggestions to follow.

Lose the book 1 by A James in the title.

If I was an editor, I would tell you to change your nutshell to a prologue. Add chapters. Trust me, they are vital. Next use names (obviously not real names but names.) This will keep the reader from getting confused and deleting your book. This was my biggest obstacle. It was so bad, I couldn't even look for the usual spelling and grammar errors.
Next find a proofreader. One who's first language is English. I would also recommend an editor that deals in non-fiction.
No: I am not for hire.

I heard a few years back that if you want to make money being an author, you have to invest not only time but money as well.
IIRC: The author that said that spent roughly $3,000 on his first book before it was ever published. He knew it was a risk. I have lost count of how many books he has out now. Oh yes, he has made his money back many times over.

[Deskisamess]

The all caps in the beginning of the book, in what I guess is a TOC would have immediately prompted me to delete the book, and to ask for a refund if I had paid anything for it.

[alexjames4u]

Hi Cinisajoy,

Wow!!!

Talk about pulling no punches, "In all honesty, your book as it is right now would get a D in an English class. You made me want to bring out my red pen. I do see potential in you.

My advice is take it down immediately. Redo it. Suggestions to follow."

I trust you did see the following paragraph in my introduction; I don’t’ doubt there’ll be issues caused by this work’s piece-meal make-up and by the fact that it was rushed to meet a deadline, so I apologize. Its piece-meal make-up is reflected in the fact that several issues crop up several times throughout this work (evidence of writing on said issues at diverse and disparate times, sometime years apart, and putting these yarns together to form this account).

Previously, the same paragraph went on to compare the piece to Frankenstein's monster, and also to say there wasn't even time to proof-read the thing. But that sentence was cut out when the 'book' idea resurfaced - i.e. after the piece had served its primary purpose (the reason for the rush in 'completing' it).

I see your point where the names; 'enemy 1' and 'enemy 2,' seemed to confuse you, though the main recipients of the shorter version seemed to have no trouble there, as one even asserted that the monikers were fitting, considering the fact that one enemy was more prominent and long-standing than the other. Ironic that you'd find this your biggest obstacle and the issue most confusing, while another person aired the complete opposite to that opinion. Nevertheless, I respect your views, and I appreciate the fact that you offered constructive criticism.

Not sure I'll be able to address the changing of names in a 200 page piece, but I'm sure I'll be taking the thing down to at least address the paragraph spacing (i.e. double instead of single). But, obviously, my physical spacing of the chapters is not enough, so I'd appreciate if you could advise as to how to achieve a better system which would pass muster in the likes of your Kindle.

I'm sure it would have beeen more to your liking if it had originally started life as a book. But it is what it is, as I'd taken great pains to point out in the introduction. It's not a thrilling suspense novel, but some have read it and thought it might have been as interesting for others as it was to them. And that's the reason why it was offered as a book, hoping the caveats in the intro would suffice in alerting the reader as to what to expect - or, more importantly; not to expect a suspense novel (especially with me going out of the way to encapsulate the gist of the story in a nutshell, at the very beginning).

Thanks again.

Cheers.

[Cinisajoy]

All jokingness aside: if you feel the need to explain in detail why you did what you did to your critics, the story has been lost.

One other thing, I see you have your book on free, do not expect instant reviews as most people do not read freebies immediately. (I am at least 2 years behind on reading freebies myself.) If you do get some reviews, do not expect glowing reviewers. Freebie reviewers tend to be very forthcoming.
More so on non-fiction than fiction.

No. I did not see your so-called table of contents, the kindle opened at the beginning of the story.
First line I saw was "The Gist of this book in a nutshell. "
I had to use the page back button to find the TOC which does not work because you have no real chapters. Oh and it is also so light that I couldn't read it on my kindle.
I did not see your introduction either. I did go back to look. Entire story right there. No need to read farther. If you choose to read the gist, the author repeats the story again.
Read sample: get story. Go on to next book.

No I don't pull punches.
Do you want to make money with this book or just say you are a published author?
I've been published too. Both a story and my autobiography.
Big deal.

What your book looks like to me. Oh I have a cool story about my former neighbors. Let me put it in a word file and upload it to Amazon. Sorry, but it screams amateur and that is not a distinction you ever want if you want to make more than a Starbucks a year.

Hey I have cool stories too, but you don't see me throwing them in a word doc and uploading to Amazon without knowing how kindle ereaders work.

[Cinisajoy]

I do read true crime. It is one of my favorite genres.
Now who gave you this deadline?
Do you have an actual publisher?

[Dr. Drib]

There are a lot of helpful threads over in the Writers' Forum. You may wish to wander over there for some advice and tips.

https://www.mobileread.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=75

[alexjames4u]

Thanks. Much appreciated.

[alexjames4u]

Hi Cinisajoy,

Thanks to you, I've now completed the first stage of a revision. The intro is shortened, the 'gist' has been discarded, and the story now more gradually unfolds after rearranging the chapters. Hopefully, the chapters are also more defined in the likes of your Kindle too. Heres a rough draft of a segment from the introduction:

I don’t’ doubt there’ll be issues caused by this work’s piece-meal make-up and by the fact that it was rushed, in the final stages, to meet a deadline with the police, so I apologize. Of the two main versions of this work, the original was more like how this one is now (perhaps even better) with the second version for the police actually summarizing the story at the outset and expanding from there, to facilitate those who had no time to read the full story. But when this police-draft was expanded much further and made into my first actual offering as a book, it was greeted with several criticisms mainly from one critic at a book-discussion forum. Perhaps a bit abrasive, but the fact is that this guy's criticisms were mostly valid, especially one in which he literally ridiculed the concept of summarizing the story at the beginning. He was absolutely right and, though I couldn't incorporate more than two or three of his suggested revisions into this version, so far, I believe the few I've so far been able to implement make this improvised 'book' a much better prospect for those like him who want to be gradually drawn into the story, as against those (like the police) who want the gist at the beginning and the rest tackled at their leisure (if at all).

Many thanks to that helpful critic. It's true I've written a few articles and blogs in my time, but never a book. As a first-time 'author,' there's a lot more for me to learn, but I thank that critic for the kick in the butt which inspired this albeit limited revision, so far. As the saying goes; you can never make a silk purse from a sow's ear. And this book will never be near the best there is, partly because it wasn't originally meant to be a book. But, still, I believe those who'd told me long ago that it (even in its older form) conveys a very interesting story.

Since you showed so much interest, I could send you a copy of the 'Word' document. Or you could check back with amazon in a day or so when the revised version should be up. I still don't like how their system squashes single-spaced paragraphs together (and exaggerates double-space) but I'll tackle that and one or two more issues at some other time.

Thanks again for your help so far Bro.

Cheers.

[Cinisajoy]

Make sure it opens at that introduction.
Yes, the police need the gist.
Though one last criticism but don't fix it. I'm not a guy. Guy sounds better in the introduction.
I wish you all the best with your book.
Maybe one day, it will be a Lifetime Movie of the Week.

[alexjames4u]

Ha, Ha, Ha!!!

Lifetime Movie of the Week. You should be in comedy. So many talents.

Nevertheless, kindly accept a thousand apologies for assuming you were a guy. Perhaps it was your tough no-nonsense stance that conveyed that impression. Glad you don't mind my leaving that in the intro as it is, as I've already uploaded the newly revised version (just now, actually) though I may still make minor changes later. (Still contemplating changing to names, as you'd suggested - but that's a monumental task).

When the new version goes live, I'll post here so you can go and have a look (along with anyone else interested, of course). I'd have promoted it as free again, but amazon only allows 5-day free-book offers, every 90 days, under the scheme I'm a part of. Also looked into lowering my price at least for now from 9.99 to 0.99, but again I'm confined to a minimum of 2.99, which is where it's at now.

Thanks for the good wishes. And thanks again for your astute advice. I believe it's a much better book because of your stern remarks.

Cheers

[Dr. Drib]

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