Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 258

Fbone · 10-16-2011, 09:22 PM

I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.

Stitchawl · 10-16-2011, 09:40 PM

Two blondes decided that this Christmas they wanted to cut down their own Christmas tree. So they drove two hours into the country and walked deep into the woods to find the perfect Christmas tree. They had planned the trip well, especially considering that they were blond. They were dressed warmly with boots, warm coats and hats. They had a chain saw, hatchet, a bag to protect the tree and rope to drag it back to their car. Every detail was covered.

They searched and searched. They had gone to all this trouble, nothing but the prefect tree would do. They searched for hours through knee deep snow and biting wind. Finally, five hours later with the sun beginning to go down, one blonde says to the other, "I can't take this anymore. I give up! There are hundreds of beautiful trees out here. Let's just pick one whether it's decorated or not!"

Stitchawl

Stitchawl · 10-16-2011, 09:49 PM

A blonde was driving home after work and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to the repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.

So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her car's tailpipe. Nothing happened. She blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.

Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?" The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tailpipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.

Her roommate rolled her eyes and said... "HEL-LOOOOOOOO ...You gotta roll up the windows!!!

Stitchawl

wannabee · 10-16-2011, 11:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stitchawl

.............. "HEL-LOOOOOOOO ...You gotta roll up the windows!!!
Stitchawl

That reminds me of my mother in law who when told the engine was overheating wound down the windows.

wannabee · 10-16-2011, 11:47 PM

When asked how old he was the old man replied.
Well lets just say say I knew the Dead Sea when it was just a bit sick!

dreams · 10-17-2011, 12:24 AM

Three blondes excitedly told their friends that they had seen Santa Claus.

Since it was the middle of the hottest July on record, their friends looked at each other and burst out laughing. One friend, laughing so hard he could barely speak, was finally able to ask, "And just how did you know it was Santa Claus?"

The three blondes put their hands on their hips and said, "because he waving and yelling 'HO HO HO' at us!"

Fbone · 10-17-2011, 02:42 AM

I don't mind going nowhere, as long as it's an interesting path.

Stitchawl · 10-17-2011, 08:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wannabee

That reminds me of my mother in law who when told the engine was overheating wound down the windows.

I had a girlfriend who wanted to take a class in 'Small Engine Repair' because I had bought an old Subaru and she thought I might need help fixing it up. She said it was because she knew it had a small engine...

Stitchawl

MJK2111 · 10-17-2011, 12:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PeterT

This memo is from an unnamed computer company. It went to all field engineers about a computer peripheral problem. The author of this memo was quite serious, the engineers rolled on the floor.

This allegedly came from IBM; I first received a copy in about 1985 or so...

PeterT · 10-17-2011, 12:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MJK2111

This allegedly came from IBM; I first received a copy in about 1985 or so...

Yeppers

I think one DEAD giveaway to the source is the very IBM term FRU

I also remember that joke from years ago, but felt I would just supply it as I found it.

One variant even has part numbers!

Quote:

P/N 33F8462 - Domestic Mouse Balls
P/N 33F8461 - Foreign Mouse Balls

So who wants to order a gross of balls?

Lycoming · 10-17-2011, 02:37 PM

For those who are easily offended, look away now........

"Late again!" the third-grade teacher sternly said to little Johnny.
"It ain't my fault this time, Miss Russell. You can blame this 'un on my
Daddy. The reason I'm three hours late is my Daddy sleeps naked!"
Now, Miss Russell had taught grammar school for thirty-some-odd years.
Despite her mounting fears, she asked little Johnny what he meant by that.
Full of grins and mischief, and in the flower of his youth, little Johnny
and trouble were old friends, but he always told her the truth.
"You see, Miss Russell, out at the farm we got this here low down fox. The
last few nights, he done ate six hens. Last night, when Daddy heard a
noise out in the chicken pen, he grabbed his shot gun and said to my Ma,
"That fox is back again... I'm a gonna git him!'' "Stay back," Daddy
whispered to all us kids!
"My Daddy was naked as a jaybird -- no boots, no pants, no shirt! To the
hen house he crawled, just like an Injun on the snoop. Then, he stuck that
double-barreled 12-gauge shot gun through the window of the coop. As he
stared into the darkness, with a fox on his mind, our old hound dog, Rip,
had done gone and woke up and comes sneaking up behind Daddy. Then, as we all looked on, plumb helpless, old Rip done went and stuck his cold nose
in my Daddy's crack!"
"Miss Russell, we all been cleanin' chickens since three o'clock this morning!"

A boy is at school and he hears the older kids talking about “pussy,” and their “B**ch.” The boy, confused by this, approaches his mother after school. “Mom, what’s a pussy?”

The mother, startled by this, thinks quick and finds the closest dictionary and opens it up to a picture of a cat and says “Son, that is a pussy.”

The son then asks “What’s a B***h?” The mother again thinking quickly opens to a picture of a dog and says “Son, this is a B**ch.”

The son walks away still confused, and sees his father watching television. The son walks up to his father and says “Dad, what’s a pussy?”

The father doesn’t want to miss the baseball game so he quickly whips out a copy of Penthouse magazine to the centerfold, grabs a marker and draws a circle around the vagina and says “Son, this is a pussy!”

The son, now starting to understand what the older boys are talking about asks “Then, what is a B**ch?”

The dad replies, “Everything outside the circle.”

OK, you can look again now.

pilotbob · 10-17-2011, 02:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MJK2111

This allegedly came from IBM; I first received a copy in about 1985 or so...

If anyone believes for a second that was anything but written as a joke... well, 'nuff said.

BOb

MJK2111 · 10-17-2011, 03:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PeterT

Yeppers

I think one DEAD giveaway to the source is the very IBM term FRU

I also remember that joke from years ago, but felt I would just supply it as I found it.

One variant even has part numbers!

So who wants to order a gross of balls?

If you really want to place an order, this joint has them:

http://www.acsparts.com/33F8461-desktop.html

Fbone · 10-17-2011, 04:15 PM

I don't pretend to have all the answers. I don't pretend to even know what are the questions. Hey, where am I?

wodin · 10-17-2011, 07:41 PM

You can't ask a question that I can't answer!

Spoiler:

10-17-2011, 07:41 PM	#3870
wodin Illiterate Posts: 10,279 Karma: 37848716 Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: The Sandwich Isles Device: Samsung Galaxy S10+, Microsoft Surface Pro	You can't ask a question that I can't answer! Spoiler: But then I don't guarantee my answers to be right! Spoiler: And NO! is an answer. Last edited by wodin; 10-17-2011 at 07:44 PM.

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10-16-2011, 09:22 PM	#3856
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.

10-16-2011, 09:40 PM	#3857
Stitchawl Opsimath Posts: 12,344 Karma: 187123287 Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Chiang Mai, Northern Thailand Device: Sony PRS-650, iPhone 5, Kobo Glo, Sony PRS-350, iPad, Samsung Galaxy	Two blondes decided that this Christmas they wanted to cut down their own Christmas tree. So they drove two hours into the country and walked deep into the woods to find the perfect Christmas tree. They had planned the trip well, especially considering that they were blond. They were dressed warmly with boots, warm coats and hats. They had a chain saw, hatchet, a bag to protect the tree and rope to drag it back to their car. Every detail was covered. They searched and searched. They had gone to all this trouble, nothing but the prefect tree would do. They searched for hours through knee deep snow and biting wind. Finally, five hours later with the sun beginning to go down, one blonde says to the other, "I can't take this anymore. I give up! There are hundreds of beautiful trees out here. Let's just pick one whether it's decorated or not!" Stitchawl

10-16-2011, 09:49 PM	#3858
Stitchawl Opsimath Posts: 12,344 Karma: 187123287 Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Chiang Mai, Northern Thailand Device: Sony PRS-650, iPhone 5, Kobo Glo, Sony PRS-350, iPad, Samsung Galaxy	A blonde was driving home after work and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to the repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out. So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her car's tailpipe. Nothing happened. She blew a little harder, and still nothing happened. Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?" The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tailpipe in order to get all the dents to pop out. Her roommate rolled her eyes and said... "HEL-LOOOOOOOO ...You gotta roll up the windows!!! Stitchawl

10-16-2011, 11:47 PM	#3860
wannabee Media Bloke Posts: 2,381 Karma: 113956855 Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: NSW - Australia Device: iOS	When asked how old he was the old man replied. Well lets just say say I knew the Dead Sea when it was just a bit sick!

10-17-2011, 12:24 AM	#3861
dreams It's about the umbrella Posts: 25,112 Karma: 56250158 Join Date: Jan 2009 Device: Sony 505\| K Fire \| KK 3G+Wi-Fi \| iPhone 3Gs \|Vista 32-bit Hm Prem w/FF	Three blondes excitedly told their friends that they had seen Santa Claus. Since it was the middle of the hottest July on record, their friends looked at each other and burst out laughing. One friend, laughing so hard he could barely speak, was finally able to ask, "And just how did you know it was Santa Claus?" The three blondes put their hands on their hips and said, "because he waving and yelling 'HO HO HO' at us!"

10-17-2011, 02:42 AM	#3862
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	I don't mind going nowhere, as long as it's an interesting path.

10-17-2011, 02:37 PM	#3866
Lycoming Capt Chaos II Posts: 483 Karma: 33043007 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cornwall, UK Device: iPad2	For those who are easily offended, look away now........ "Late again!" the third-grade teacher sternly said to little Johnny. "It ain't my fault this time, Miss Russell. You can blame this 'un on my Daddy. The reason I'm three hours late is my Daddy sleeps naked!" Now, Miss Russell had taught grammar school for thirty-some-odd years. Despite her mounting fears, she asked little Johnny what he meant by that. Full of grins and mischief, and in the flower of his youth, little Johnny and trouble were old friends, but he always told her the truth. "You see, Miss Russell, out at the farm we got this here low down fox. The last few nights, he done ate six hens. Last night, when Daddy heard a noise out in the chicken pen, he grabbed his shot gun and said to my Ma, "That fox is back again... I'm a gonna git him!'' "Stay back," Daddy whispered to all us kids! "My Daddy was naked as a jaybird -- no boots, no pants, no shirt! To the hen house he crawled, just like an Injun on the snoop. Then, he stuck that double-barreled 12-gauge shot gun through the window of the coop. As he stared into the darkness, with a fox on his mind, our old hound dog, Rip, had done gone and woke up and comes sneaking up behind Daddy. Then, as we all looked on, plumb helpless, old Rip done went and stuck his cold nose in my Daddy's crack!" "Miss Russell, we all been cleanin' chickens since three o'clock this morning!" A boy is at school and he hears the older kids talking about “pussy,” and their “Bch.” The boy, confused by this, approaches his mother after school. “Mom, what’s a pussy?” The mother, startled by this, thinks quick and finds the closest dictionary and opens it up to a picture of a cat and says “Son, that is a pussy.” The son then asks “What’s a Bh?” The mother again thinking quickly opens to a picture of a dog and says “Son, this is a Bch.” The son walks away still confused, and sees his father watching television. The son walks up to his father and says “Dad, what’s a pussy?” The father doesn’t want to miss the baseball game so he quickly whips out a copy of Penthouse magazine to the centerfold, grabs a marker and draws a circle around the vagina and says “Son, this is a pussy!” The son, now starting to understand what the older boys are talking about asks “Then, what is a B*ch?” The dad replies, “Everything outside the circle.” OK, you can look again now.

10-17-2011, 04:15 PM	#3869
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	I don't pretend to have all the answers. I don't pretend to even know what are the questions. Hey, where am I?