03-26-2009, 02:24 PM | #196 |
Wizard
Posts: 1,289
Karma: 4525055
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: rural Illinois, USA
Device: Sony PRS-700 (traded in), Sony PRS-650
|
Cowboy at the pearly gates
A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. ‘Have you ever done anything of particular merit?' St. Peter asked. 'Well, I can think of one thing,' the cowboy offered. 'On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers, who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him in his face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, 'Now, back off!! Or I'll kick the crap out of all of you!' St. Peter was impressed, 'When did this happen?' ‘Just a couple of minutes ago...' |
03-26-2009, 05:22 PM | #197 |
Wizard
Posts: 1,462
Karma: 6061516
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Cascais, Portugal
Device: Kindle PW, Samsung Galaxy Note Pro 12.2", OnePlus 6
|
|
03-28-2009, 02:52 PM | #198 |
books & doughnuts
Posts: 882
Karma: 37857
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: usa
Device: sony reader, kindle2
|
A group of girlfriends are on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.
The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside." So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor. The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up. They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain." They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up. On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor. There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman." |
03-28-2009, 02:55 PM | #199 | |
Grand Sorcerer
Posts: 5,870
Karma: 27376
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Pennsylvania
Device: PRS-505
|
Quote:
|
|
03-28-2009, 03:12 PM | #200 |
books & doughnuts
Posts: 882
Karma: 37857
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: usa
Device: sony reader, kindle2
|
try this then from my 3rd wife:
During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer."look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows.When you get to me and the part where I'm to promise to love , honor and obey and forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever, I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that part out." He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisified.It is now the day of the wedding and the bride and groom have moved to that part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged. When it came time for the groom's vows the pastor looks the young man in the eye and says:"Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as your both shall live?"THe groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice "yes."The groom leaned toward the pastor and hissed, " I thought we had a deal."The pastor put the $100 bill into his hand and whispered back, "She made me a much better offer." |
03-28-2009, 03:36 PM | #201 | |
the snarky blue one
Posts: 6,001
Karma: 3877825
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: deep in the heart
Device: PRS500, 505 & 600, PRST1 & T2, Kindle PW, Moto Razr, Galaxy Tab 2-10"
|
Quote:
|
|
03-28-2009, 04:08 PM | #202 | |
Grand Sorcerer
Posts: 19,832
Karma: 11844413
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Tampa, FL USA
Device: Kindle Touch
|
Quote:
So now I'm praying for the end of time / To hurry up and arrive / 'cause if I got to spend another minute with you I don't think that I can really survive/ I'll never break my promise / Or forget my vow / But God only knows what I can do right now/ I'm praying for the end of time / It's all that I can do! / Praying for the end of time / So I can end my time with you! BOb |
|
03-28-2009, 05:18 PM | #203 | |
the snarky blue one
Posts: 6,001
Karma: 3877825
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: deep in the heart
Device: PRS500, 505 & 600, PRST1 & T2, Kindle PW, Moto Razr, Galaxy Tab 2-10"
|
Quote:
Or . . . Maybe he just should have bid higher, the cheapskate. Men just don't know how to shop. |
|
03-28-2009, 06:03 PM | #204 |
Grand Sorcerer
Posts: 19,832
Karma: 11844413
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Tampa, FL USA
Device: Kindle Touch
|
|
03-28-2009, 11:56 PM | #205 |
ZCD BombShel
Posts: 4,793
Karma: 8293322
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: The Frozen North (aka Illinois, USA)
Device: iPad, STB Kindle Oasis
|
|
03-30-2009, 11:35 AM | #206 | |
Wizard
Posts: 999
Karma: 5487540
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: In my own imagination.
Device: Sony Prs 650, 505
|
Quote:
|
|
04-01-2009, 12:51 PM | #207 |
Sir Penguin of Edinburgh
Posts: 12,375
Karma: 23555235
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: DC Metro area
Device: Shake a stick plus 1
|
Because I'm a friendly person I like to add guten to the tags of the German language threads. (Think about it.)
|
04-01-2009, 12:52 PM | #208 |
zeldinha zippy zeldissima
Posts: 27,827
Karma: 921169
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Paris, France
Device: eb1150 & is that a nook in her pocket, or she just happy to see you?
|
|
04-01-2009, 02:28 PM | #209 |
WWHALD
Posts: 7,879
Karma: 337114
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Mitcham, Surrey, UK
Device: iPad. Selling my silver 505 here
|
|
04-01-2009, 08:50 PM | #210 |
Grand Sorcerer
Posts: 10,155
Karma: 4632658
Join Date: Nov 2007
Device: none
|
One of my favourite bad jokes....
Q. What do you call a blind Rudolph/deer with no eyes? A. No idea. |
|
Similar Threads | ||||
Thread | Thread Starter | Forum | Replies | Last Post |
Add from the Mobile Read Library? | danwdoo | Calibre | 8 | 12-03-2014 06:03 PM |
Good Day Eh!! :-) | Gedvondur | Introduce Yourself | 12 | 07-22-2010 12:16 AM |
Classic Is there a way to lighten the background? | rlsamson | Barnes & Noble NOOK | 3 | 06-30-2010 04:56 PM |
Read-in-Microsoft-Reader 1.1.3 add-in released | Alexander Turcic | Reading and Management | 2 | 02-20-2006 03:47 AM |