02-05-2013, 02:44 PM | #6016 |
Is that a sandwich?
Posts: 8,189
Karma: 100500000
Join Date: Jun 2010
Device: Nook Glowlight Plus
|
“I’m sure wherever my father is, he’s looking down on us. He’s not dead, just very condescending.”
|
02-05-2013, 03:53 PM | #6017 |
Grand Sorcerer
Posts: 12,168
Karma: 73448616
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Toronto
Device: Nexus 7, Clara, Touch, Tolino EPOS
|
I changed my iPod name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
I tried to catch some fog. I mist. When chemists die, they barium. Jokes about German sausage are the wurst. A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran. I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time. How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it. I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me. This girl said she recognised me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down. I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words . They told me I had type A blood, but it was a type-O. A dyslexic man walks into a bra . PMS jokes aren't funny, period. Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations. Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory-- I hope there's no pop quiz. The Energizer bunny arrested and charged with battery. I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me. Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils? When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble. What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds. I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me! Broken pencils are pointless. What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus. England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool . I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest. I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx. All the toilets in New York 's police stations have been stolen. Police have nothing to go on. I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough. Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes. Velcro - what a rip off! Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy. Venison for dinner? Oh deer! Earthquake in Washington obviously government's fault. I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure. |
02-05-2013, 07:17 PM | #6018 |
Opsimath
Posts: 12,344
Karma: 187123287
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Chiang Mai, Northern Thailand
Device: Sony PRS-650, iPhone 5, Kobo Glo, Sony PRS-350, iPad, Samsung Galaxy
|
She was only the stable owner's daughter, but all the horsemanure.
Stitchawl |
02-05-2013, 07:19 PM | #6019 |
Snoozing in the sun
Posts: 10,137
Karma: 115423645
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Device: iPad Mini, Kobo Touch
|
Now look what you have started, Peter!
|
02-05-2013, 08:22 PM | #6020 |
temp. out of service
Posts: 2,792
Karma: 24285242
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Duisburg (DE)
Device: PB 623
|
Well he has a puny bone obviously
|
02-05-2013, 10:47 PM | #6021 |
Grand Sorcerer
Posts: 12,168
Karma: 73448616
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Toronto
Device: Nexus 7, Clara, Touch, Tolino EPOS
|
I'm sorry I didn't mean to cause trouble! Honestly!!
|
02-06-2013, 03:40 AM | #6022 |
Close to the Edit!
Posts: 9,797
Karma: 267994408
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: UK
Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"
|
Wife: "What are you doing?"
Husband: "Nothing." Wife: "Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour." Husband: "I was looking for the expiration date." |
02-06-2013, 08:37 AM | #6023 |
binomial: homo legentem
Posts: 1,061
Karma: 25222222
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Alabama, USA
Device: iriver Story HD; Archos 80 G9
|
An impatient man was arrested by the police yesterday because he threw his container of Morton's Iodized and his 4 pack of Duracell D's at the woman in front of him because she had fourteen items in her basket at the ten-items-or-less checkout.
He was charged with a salt and batteries. |
02-06-2013, 12:39 PM | #6024 |
Illiterate
Posts: 10,279
Karma: 37848716
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: The Sandwich Isles
Device: Samsung Galaxy S10+, Microsoft Surface Pro
|
And on the eighth day God looked down on his planned paradise and said, “I need someone who can flip this for a quick buck.”
So God made a banker. |
02-06-2013, 01:22 PM | #6025 |
binomial: homo legentem
Posts: 1,061
Karma: 25222222
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Alabama, USA
Device: iriver Story HD; Archos 80 G9
|
Did you hear about the robot whose power source allowed him to run for days off of a box of plain square crackers?
That's right... He was charged with a saltine battery. |
02-06-2013, 05:29 PM | #6026 |
Bah, humbug!
Posts: 39,073
Karma: 157049943
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Chesapeake, VA, USA
Device: Kindle Oasis, iPad Pro, & a Samsung Galaxy S9.
|
|
02-06-2013, 08:05 PM | #6027 |
Addict
Posts: 386
Karma: 17083352
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Texas
Device: K4 Touch, Kindle Fire, HP Touchpad
|
Two atoms are walking down the street together.
The first atom turns and says, "Hey, you just stole an electron from me!" "Are you sure?" asks the second atom. To which the first atom replies, "Yeah, I'm positive!" |
02-06-2013, 09:54 PM | #6028 |
Is that a sandwich?
Posts: 8,189
Karma: 100500000
Join Date: Jun 2010
Device: Nook Glowlight Plus
|
“A hotel minibar allows you to see into the future and find out what a can of Pepsi will cost in 2030.”
|
02-07-2013, 12:40 AM | #6029 |
Grand Sorcerer
Posts: 12,168
Karma: 73448616
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Toronto
Device: Nexus 7, Clara, Touch, Tolino EPOS
|
|
02-07-2013, 09:34 AM | #6030 |
binomial: homo legentem
Posts: 1,061
Karma: 25222222
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Alabama, USA
Device: iriver Story HD; Archos 80 G9
|
|
|
Similar Threads | ||||
Thread | Thread Starter | Forum | Replies | Last Post |
Add from the Mobile Read Library? | danwdoo | Calibre | 8 | 12-03-2014 06:03 PM |
Good Day Eh!! :-) | Gedvondur | Introduce Yourself | 12 | 07-22-2010 12:16 AM |
Classic Is there a way to lighten the background? | rlsamson | Barnes & Noble NOOK | 3 | 06-30-2010 04:56 PM |
Read-in-Microsoft-Reader 1.1.3 add-in released | Alexander Turcic | Reading and Management | 2 | 02-20-2006 03:47 AM |