Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 573

crich70 · 04-11-2015, 12:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by alansplace

Thank you Bennett Cerf. That story is a classic children's book now.

yvanleterrible · 04-11-2015, 10:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by steven522

Nana Nana Nana Nana Nana Nana Nana Nana...

Batman!!!!!!!

Dang it. I hate when a continuation of a theme rolls to the next page.

Nana naaana...nana naaana...hey hey hey...goo-oodby!

(that one'll stick with you fer a few hours):P

wodin · 04-13-2015, 02:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LazyScot

It's also the name of a plant (actually quite a lot of plants as it means small or dwarf...).

Hence "We dug a hole in the garden and put a Nana in it...."

So does that mean a dwarf banana is a nananana?

steven522 · 04-14-2015, 09:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wodin

So does that mean a dwarf banana is a nananana?

This plantain is one in a billion...

It's a nano-nana.

steven522 · 04-14-2015, 09:28 AM

I wouldn't think it fun to try to come up with banana jokes, but I have to admit...

They have a peal!

pilotbob · 04-14-2015, 10:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by steven522

I wouldn't think it fun to try to come up with banana jokes, but I have to admit...

They have a peal!

I love big puns, I can not deny!

yvanleterrible · 04-15-2015, 06:26 AM

A big pun is fun but some times it...

PieMan597 · 04-15-2015, 08:11 AM

What do you call a woman standing in the middle of a tennis court?

Annete!

PoP · 04-16-2015, 01:23 PM

They serve equally good coffee on that bus.

PeterT · 04-18-2015, 08:24 PM

A lesson on how consultants can make a difference in an organization. Very Impressive!

Last week, we took some friends to a new restaurant, 'Steve's Place,' and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket.

It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I observed that he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket.

Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets. When the waiter came back to serve our soup I inquired, 'Why the spoon?'

'Well, 'he explained, ‘the restaurant's owner hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all of our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.'

As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he replaced it with his spare. 'I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now.' I was impressed.

I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly.

Looking around, I saw that all of the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So, before he walked off, I asked the waiter, 'Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?'

"Oh, certainly!' Then he lowered his voice. 'Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also learned that we can save time in the restroom. By tying this string to the tip of our you-know-what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39%.

I asked quietly, 'After you get it out, how do you put it back?'

'Well,' he whispered, 'I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon.'

WT Sharpe · 04-23-2015, 05:20 PM

What do you call an Australian Groupon customer?

Spoiler:

Stitchawl · 04-24-2015, 04:13 AM

The Parable of the Jewish Samurai…

Once upon a time, a powerful Emperor of the Rising Sun advertised for a new Chief Samurai.

After a year, only three applied for the job: a Japanese, a Chinese, and a Jewish Samurai.

"Demonstrate your skills!" commanded the Emperor.
< br>The Japanese Samurai stepped forward, opened a tiny box, and released a fly. He drew his samurai sword and *swish!* the fly fell to the floor, neatly divided in two.

"What a feat!" said the Emperor.

"Number Two Samurai, show me what you do."

The Chinese samurai smiled confidently, stepped forward and opened a tiny box, releasing a fly. He drew his samurai sword and *swish!*swish!* The fly fell to the floor neatly quartered.

"That is skill!" nodded the Emperor. "How are you going to top that, Number three Samurai?"

The Jewish Samurai, Schmuel Obi-wan Feinsilber, stepped forward, opened a tiny box releasing one fly. He drew his samurai sword and *swoooooosh!* flourished his sword so mightily that a gust of wind blew
through the room. But the fly was still buzzing around!

In disappointment. The Emperor said, "What kind of skill is that? The fly isn't even dead."

"Dead?" replied the Jewish Samurai. Dead is easy. But circumcised…?

Stitchawl

PoP · 04-25-2015, 02:25 PM

I was driving with my friend. We come to a red light and he speeds up and whips right through it.

I start freaking out "Hey man, your going to get us killed!"

He replies "Relax, my brother drives like this."

We come to another red light and he blazes right through.

"You're going to get arrested or get us killed!"

"Relax this is how my brother drives."

We come to a green light he stops dead looking both ways.

"Dude, it's green you can go."

"Nah man, my brother might be coming the other way."

orlok · 04-26-2015, 07:36 AM

I have decided to write all my jokes in capitals from now on.

This one was written in London.

PoP · 04-26-2015, 03:08 PM

^

What is the capital of Iceland?

Spoiler:

04-18-2015, 08:24 PM	#8590
PeterT Grand Sorcerer Posts: 12,166 Karma: 73448616 Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Toronto Device: Nexus 7, Clara, Touch, Tolino EPOS	A lesson on how consultants can make a difference in an organization. Very Impressive A lesson on how consultants can make a difference in an organization. Very Impressive! Last week, we took some friends to a new restaurant, 'Steve's Place,' and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I observed that he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets. When the waiter came back to serve our soup I inquired, 'Why the spoon?' 'Well, 'he explained, ‘the restaurant's owner hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all of our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.' As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he replaced it with his spare. 'I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now.' I was impressed. I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly. Looking around, I saw that all of the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So, before he walked off, I asked the waiter, 'Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?' "Oh, certainly!' Then he lowered his voice. 'Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also learned that we can save time in the restroom. By tying this string to the tip of our you-know-what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39%. I asked quietly, 'After you get it out, how do you put it back?' 'Well,' he whispered, 'I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon.'

04-23-2015, 05:20 PM	#8591
WT Sharpe Bah, humbug! Posts: 39,073 Karma: 157049943 Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Chesapeake, VA, USA Device: Kindle Oasis, iPad Pro, & a Samsung Galaxy S9.	Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day What do you call an Australian Groupon customer? Spoiler: Poppa. Last edited by WT Sharpe; 04-23-2015 at 05:22 PM.

04-26-2015, 03:08 PM	#8595
PoP curly᷂͓̫̙᷊̥̮̾ͯͤͭͬͦͨ ʎʌɹnɔ Posts: 3,002 Karma: 50506927 Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: ♁ ᴺ₄₅°₃₀' ᵂ₇₃°₃₇' ±₆₀" Device: K3₃.₄.₃ PW3&4₅.₁₃.₃	^ What is the capital of Iceland? Spoiler: about 3.5 króna (SCNR the cheap shot, they have recovered since then)

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04-14-2015, 09:28 AM	#8585
steven522 binomial: homo legentem Posts: 1,061 Karma: 25222222 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Alabama, USA Device: iriver Story HD; Archos 80 G9	I wouldn't think it fun to try to come up with banana jokes, but I have to admit... They have a peal!

04-15-2015, 06:26 AM	#8587
yvanleterrible Reborn Paper User Posts: 8,616 Karma: 15446734 Join Date: May 2006 Location: Que Nada Device: iPhone8, iPad Air	A big pun is fun but some times it...

04-15-2015, 08:11 AM	#8588
PieMan597 Still a pie Posts: 6,285 Karma: 37018654 Join Date: Jan 2014 Location: PieTown USA Device: Kindle Touch, OnePlus 7 Pro	What do you call a woman standing in the middle of a tennis court? Annete!

04-16-2015, 01:23 PM	#8589
PoP curly᷂͓̫̙᷊̥̮̾ͯͤͭͬͦͨ ʎʌɹnɔ Posts: 3,002 Karma: 50506927 Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: ♁ ᴺ₄₅°₃₀' ᵂ₇₃°₃₇' ±₆₀" Device: K3₃.₄.₃ PW3&4₅.₁₃.₃	They serve equally good coffee on that bus.

04-24-2015, 04:13 AM	#8592
Stitchawl Opsimath Posts: 12,344 Karma: 187123287 Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Chiang Mai, Northern Thailand Device: Sony PRS-650, iPhone 5, Kobo Glo, Sony PRS-350, iPad, Samsung Galaxy	The Parable of the Jewish Samurai… Once upon a time, a powerful Emperor of the Rising Sun advertised for a new Chief Samurai. After a year, only three applied for the job: a Japanese, a Chinese, and a Jewish Samurai. "Demonstrate your skills!" commanded the Emperor. < br>The Japanese Samurai stepped forward, opened a tiny box, and released a fly. He drew his samurai sword and swish! the fly fell to the floor, neatly divided in two. "What a feat!" said the Emperor. "Number Two Samurai, show me what you do." The Chinese samurai smiled confidently, stepped forward and opened a tiny box, releasing a fly. He drew his samurai sword and swish!swish!* The fly fell to the floor neatly quartered. "That is skill!" nodded the Emperor. "How are you going to top that, Number three Samurai?" The Jewish Samurai, Schmuel Obi-wan Feinsilber, stepped forward, opened a tiny box releasing one fly. He drew his samurai sword and swoooooosh! flourished his sword so mightily that a gust of wind blew through the room. But the fly was still buzzing around! In disappointment. The Emperor said, "What kind of skill is that? The fly isn't even dead." "Dead?" replied the Jewish Samurai. Dead is easy. But circumcised…? Stitchawl

04-25-2015, 02:25 PM	#8593
PoP curly᷂͓̫̙᷊̥̮̾ͯͤͭͬͦͨ ʎʌɹnɔ Posts: 3,002 Karma: 50506927 Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: ♁ ᴺ₄₅°₃₀' ᵂ₇₃°₃₇' ±₆₀" Device: K3₃.₄.₃ PW3&4₅.₁₃.₃	I was driving with my friend. We come to a red light and he speeds up and whips right through it. I start freaking out "Hey man, your going to get us killed!" He replies "Relax, my brother drives like this." We come to another red light and he blazes right through. "You're going to get arrested or get us killed!" "Relax this is how my brother drives." We come to a green light he stops dead looking both ways. "Dude, it's green you can go." "Nah man, my brother might be coming the other way."

04-26-2015, 07:36 AM	#8594
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	I have decided to write all my jokes in capitals from now on. This one was written in London.