Affirmation Mechanisms

anamardoll · 08-11-2012, 01:08 PM

I can't be the only writer on the board who struggles with this, so open thread for coping/affirmation mechanisms ahoy!

I'm fortunate in that I have a very engaged and vocal readership, but I've noticed that if one person shreds my writing in a "I hate everything about it, trash it all and start over" kind of way, I tend to take that to heart really seriously and forget the twenty other people who said they loved it. I suspect this is a human bias condition where I'm remembering criticism and forgetting praise (or rationalizing it as people being nice, polite, etc.).

So. What are your mechanisms for continuing to write in the face of bad reviews, lackluster sales, angry beta readers, and so forth? SHARE.

teh603 · 08-11-2012, 01:11 PM

I wish I could get reviews at all. I've only gotten one that I can remember, on a piece of fic I GPLed on deviantArt, and that was because I'd mentioned to the other person that I was going to be working on one she might be interested in.

frahse · 08-11-2012, 01:44 PM

My problem [if any

] is over confidence.
If some idiots don't like it, then it is their problem.

That doesn't mean that I don't take note, and will never
adjust because if the dislike is widespread then I am
wasting my efforts.

gmw · 08-11-2012, 07:50 PM

My answer to most areas of stress and distress over the last few years has been to write about it - privately. I have found it a wonderful way to get things off my chest, like talking to a shrink (or so I imagine), but without the new stress of paying for it.

From significant ones (...not saying, but there's been a few...) to minor ones - like arguments on forums (never here of course

, you know the joke: I can't go to bed now, someone's wrong on the Internet!). Instead of continuing the argument online and in public I write exactly what I want to write, as much as I want to write, but I never send it. It sits in a folder of miscellaneous rantings and consumes my frustrations for me ... well, enough that I find I can sleep better.

ETA: Such writings are not always a direct response to the original irritation, sometimes they're a more emotive response or simply where the whole thing has led me - which is often quite wide of where it started.

bigjantailor · 08-11-2012, 10:08 PM

This is what I try to do about critizm I do not like:

1. Take a drink (no bad coping mechanizm)
2. Take a breath
3. Read the critizim again to see if I read it right
4. Judge if the critizim is about the substance of the work or the technique
- if it is substanive and not for reason like logical flaws in plot, it the critics problem
- if it is a technique judge if it is valid and change or exept your flaw
5. If you still feel hurt that ok but remember someone has care to read and critique
6. If the critic is rational tell the person your thankful for the critizm and what you think of it IN A NICE WAY!
7. If you are still angry write a graditude list about what makes you write.

Finally, throw something that will smash, then burn something symbolic of the critic and curse.

Or understand that no one is liked by everyone and there are better ways of finding praise then writing.

Have fun, Jan

VydorScope · 08-11-2012, 10:28 PM

I kick people in the face, repeatedly. It really helps with the stress.

fidvo · 08-12-2012, 04:05 PM

You will receive 3 types of comments on your stories:

1. Positive comments. Take comfort in knowing that each of these is one more person who liked your book. Forget about the ones who didn't.

2. Constructive criticism. Read it, analyze it, decide whether you agree with it. If so, learn from it. If not, forget it.

3. Trash talking. Just tell yourself that you write for a more sophisticated reader than someone who doesn't understand the concept of constructive criticism. Since they're not your target audience, their opinion doesn't matter.

Steven Lyle Jordan · 08-12-2012, 04:59 PM

Always accept the fact that not everyone will like the things you write. (I write science fiction, so for me, that part is easy!) But consider constructive criticism, as it might point out areas in which you can improve your writing or storytelling.

And don't forget: Just because someone tells you something is a problem, doesn't mean it is a problem to anyone but them. Consider the suggestion, but don't just change something because someone on the intertubes told you to.

Criticism of the "I hate everything about it, trash it all and start over" variety can be dismissed out-of-hand. Any criticism that isn't considered and specific is meaningless raving.

frahse · 08-12-2012, 05:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VydorScope

I kick people in the face, repeatedly. It really helps with the stress.

I like that.

VydorScope · 08-12-2012, 07:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by frahse

I like that.

Yep. It is very effective. Not to mention it can be a nice work out too, making you less stressed, and healthier at the same time.

frahse · 08-12-2012, 10:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VydorScope

Yep. It is very effective. Not to mention it can be a nice work out too, making you less stressed, and healthier at the same time.

I had written about 30 lines, bringing in such props as my wilderness toys, and dangerous climbs, and my pet ancient military jeep and chasing after the malefactors along the steep trail until I ran them off into the abyss, but I realized that I was just diluting the experience with too much formulation.

The better response was
"I just kick them off the cliff."

but you got there first.

VydorScope · 08-13-2012, 06:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by frahse

I had written about 30 lines, bringing in such props as my wilderness toys, and dangerous climbs, and my pet ancient military jeep and chasing after the malefactors along the steep trail until I ran them off into the abyss, but I realized that I was just diluting the experience with too much formulation.

The better response was
"I just kick them off the cliff."

but you got there first.

The difference is you probably think I am joking...

kennyc · 08-13-2012, 06:35 AM

I don't kick people in the face but I do take long walks twice a day.

gmw · 08-13-2012, 08:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kennyc

I don't kick people in the face but I do take long walks twice a day.

I've tried that one - my main problem is that sometimes I feel like I should just keep walking.

kennyc · 08-13-2012, 08:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gmw

I've tried that one - my main problem is that sometimes I feel like I should just keep walking.

That's why I take a circular route.

08-11-2012, 01:08 PM	#1
anamardoll Chasing Butterflies Posts: 3,132 Karma: 5074169 Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: American Southwest Device: Uses batteries.	Affirmation Mechanisms I can't be the only writer on the board who struggles with this, so open thread for coping/affirmation mechanisms ahoy! I'm fortunate in that I have a very engaged and vocal readership, but I've noticed that if one person shreds my writing in a "I hate everything about it, trash it all and start over" kind of way, I tend to take that to heart really seriously and forget the twenty other people who said they loved it. I suspect this is a human bias condition where I'm remembering criticism and forgetting praise (or rationalizing it as people being nice, polite, etc.). So. What are your mechanisms for continuing to write in the face of bad reviews, lackluster sales, angry beta readers, and so forth? SHARE.

08-11-2012, 07:50 PM	#4
gmw cacoethes scribendi Posts: 5,809 Karma: 137770742 Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Australia Device: Kobo Aura One & H2Ov2, Sony PRS-650	My answer to most areas of stress and distress over the last few years has been to write about it - privately. I have found it a wonderful way to get things off my chest, like talking to a shrink (or so I imagine), but without the new stress of paying for it. From significant ones (...not saying, but there's been a few...) to minor ones - like arguments on forums (never here of course , you know the joke: I can't go to bed now, someone's wrong on the Internet!). Instead of continuing the argument online and in public I write exactly what I want to write, as much as I want to write, but I never send it. It sits in a folder of miscellaneous rantings and consumes my frustrations for me ... well, enough that I find I can sleep better. ETA: Such writings are not always a direct response to the original irritation, sometimes they're a more emotive response or simply where the whole thing has led me - which is often quite wide of where it started. Last edited by gmw; 08-11-2012 at 07:54 PM.

08-11-2012, 01:11 PM	#2
teh603 Autism Spectrum Disorder Posts: 1,212 Karma: 6244877 Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Coastal Texas Device: Android Phone	I wish I could get reviews at all. I've only gotten one that I can remember, on a piece of fic I GPLed on deviantArt, and that was because I'd mentioned to the other person that I was going to be working on one she might be interested in.

08-11-2012, 01:44 PM	#3
frahse occasional author Posts: 2,314 Karma: 2064403292 Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Wandering God's glorious hills, valleys and plains. Device: A Franklin BI (before Internet) was the first. I still have it.	My problem [if any ] is over confidence. If some idiots don't like it, then it is their problem. That doesn't mean that I don't take note, and will never adjust because if the dislike is widespread then I am wasting my efforts.

08-11-2012, 10:08 PM	#5
bigjantailor Defender of Consciousness Posts: 69 Karma: 3323596 Join Date: Jul 2012 Location: Vancouver Device: none	This is what I try to do about critizm I do not like: 1. Take a drink (no bad coping mechanizm) 2. Take a breath 3. Read the critizim again to see if I read it right 4. Judge if the critizim is about the substance of the work or the technique - if it is substanive and not for reason like logical flaws in plot, it the critics problem - if it is a technique judge if it is valid and change or exept your flaw 5. If you still feel hurt that ok but remember someone has care to read and critique 6. If the critic is rational tell the person your thankful for the critizm and what you think of it IN A NICE WAY! 7. If you are still angry write a graditude list about what makes you write. Finally, throw something that will smash, then burn something symbolic of the critic and curse. Or understand that no one is liked by everyone and there are better ways of finding praise then writing. Have fun, Jan

08-11-2012, 10:28 PM	#6
VydorScope Wizard Posts: 3,418 Karma: 35207650 Join Date: Jun 2011 Device: iPad	I kick people in the face, repeatedly. It really helps with the stress.

08-12-2012, 04:05 PM	#7
fidvo Addict Posts: 296 Karma: 1599870 Join Date: Jun 2012 Device: none	You will receive 3 types of comments on your stories: 1. Positive comments. Take comfort in knowing that each of these is one more person who liked your book. Forget about the ones who didn't. 2. Constructive criticism. Read it, analyze it, decide whether you agree with it. If so, learn from it. If not, forget it. 3. Trash talking. Just tell yourself that you write for a more sophisticated reader than someone who doesn't understand the concept of constructive criticism. Since they're not your target audience, their opinion doesn't matter.

08-12-2012, 04:59 PM	#8
Steven Lyle Jordan Grand Sorcerer Posts: 8,478 Karma: 5171130 Join Date: Jan 2006 Device: none	Always accept the fact that not everyone will like the things you write. (I write science fiction, so for me, that part is easy!) But consider constructive criticism, as it might point out areas in which you can improve your writing or storytelling. And don't forget: Just because someone tells you something is a problem, doesn't mean it is a problem to anyone but them. Consider the suggestion, but don't just change something because someone on the intertubes told you to. Criticism of the "I hate everything about it, trash it all and start over" variety can be dismissed out-of-hand. Any criticism that isn't considered and specific is meaningless raving.

08-13-2012, 06:35 AM	#13
kennyc The Dank Side of the Moon Posts: 35,872 Karma: 118716293 Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Denver, CO Device: Kindle2; Kindle Fire	I don't kick people in the face but I do take long walks twice a day.

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