Commercials I would love to see... - Page 5

LazyScot · 12-10-2008, 08:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LazyScot

NewsReader: "The on-going legal case over unfair advertising in the Kindle advert rumbles on. Today the court was taken to the forest in the advert."
(cut to VT report) scene: the clearing is filled with the court and entourage. At the very centre is a metal mesh cage, about 7 foot high and 8 foot square. Sitting in the center of it is a person with a tin-foil hat, holding something wrapped in several bags.
NewsReader voiceover: "The complainant showed how, whilst sitting in a faraday cage in the forest and holding their Kindle inside four electrostatic protection bags, they were unable to reliably download the books. The defense counsel questioned if it was reasonable to attempt to use the Kindle in such a fashion. The complainant replied that there was nothing in either the advert or the user manual that stated they shouldn't attempt such use, and that it was essential to take such precautions against unfair spying. The case continues."

Newsreader: "In a shock development the on-going Kindle advert trial was briefly halted today amid scenes of uproar in the court."

VT scene: A courtroom as police wrestle with a juror who is desparately trying to retain possession of his personalised Kindle. The Juror is taken before the judge and various questions are asked, before the juror is escorted from the court by the police.

Newsreader voiceover: "A juror, a "resepected" member of the medical profession, was found to be reading from their llama-emblazoned Kindle. Subsequent investigations found that since the start of the trial he has read six and a half Terry Pratchett novels, including downloading one whilst off-site in the forest. When questioned about his actions, he claimed he was performed essential research into the Kindle to assist in his reaching a just and fair verdict. The Judge was quoted as "not being impressed." The juror has been dismissed.

"The counsel for the complainant immediately moved for the case to be found in favour of the complainant due to "blatant and unacceptable jury nobbling". The case is adjourned while the judge considers the move."

pshrynk · 12-10-2008, 08:50 AM

I thought it was a good excuse. Besides, those lawyers were boring.

mtravellerh · 12-10-2008, 08:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LazyScot

Subsequent investigations found that since the start of the trial he has read six and a half Terry Pratchett novels, including downloading one whilst off-site in the forest.

WOW! Six and a half?

Steven Lyle Jordan · 12-10-2008, 09:23 AM

Scene: 3 space-suited astronauts are striding towards the gantry of their Space Shuttle prior to takeoff. One of them has a reader in his hand.

Caption: "Taken wherever weight restrictions apply."

...hey, if someone uses these, do we get a cut?

Steven Lyle Jordan · 12-10-2008, 09:30 AM

Scene: A lonely desert island. In the far background, the remains of an aircraft or boat are visible. One of two survivors, his clothes torn and tattered, sits forlornly on the beach, his head in his hand, clearly bored to tears. The other survivor, sitting next to him and looking similarly tattered, is happy as a clam reading an e-book on a reader.

Caption: "Survival kit."

Alternate caption: "Recommended by crash survivors everywhere."

(I'll take 30% of the gross.)

Steven Lyle Jordan · 12-11-2008, 12:46 PM

Oohh... oohh! Got a good one!...

Scene: A closeup of a bloody hand, desperately gripping a dog-eared book with a ratty-looking leather cover. A voice, mimicking Charlton Heston, is shouting:

"Soylent white is TREES! Ya gotta tell them... tell everyone..."

Caption: "E-books aren't made from dead anything."

vivaldirules · 12-11-2008, 01:18 PM

Scene: A lovely tropical island (different one). The sound of waves gently falling onto the beech is evident and the faint whistling of someone approaching from the trees. A young man in a red shirt appears and, seeing something that had washed ashore, he runs to it and picks up the strange eink device. After a moment's pause he yells "Skipper! Professor!" and races off into the trees.

Okay, maybe not.

Slite · 12-11-2008, 02:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vivaldirules

Scene: A lovely tropical island (different one). The sound of waves gently falling onto the beech is evident and the faint whistling of someone approaching from the trees. A young man in a red shirt appears and, seeing something that had washed ashore, he runs to it and picks up the strange eink device. After a moment's pause he yells "Skipper! Professor!" and races off into the trees.

Okay, maybe not.

Definitly not!! Here, have a slice of bacon!

Steven Lyle Jordan · 12-11-2008, 02:54 PM

I like it! God, we need to use these somewhere!

LazyScot · 12-11-2008, 03:50 PM

Scene: An ordinary living room. Sitting in an armchair, an elderly person turns over the last page of a large print book. As they read the last word, they sigh, and their adult child walks in.

"Finished?"

"Yes, " they reply sadly. "Can you see if the library has any more?"

"I'll try, but they did say this was the last large print you hadn't read. Here, let me return it for you."

Cut to: Library. The book is being returned, and the librarian is shaking their head.

Cut to: Bookshop. After a short conversation, the owner sadly shakes their head as well, but suggesting something.

Cut to: sitting room.

"I'm sorry, the library doesn't have any new books for you, and even the bookshop can't get them. But.." and with that they pull out a lightweight <insert name of device>, clearly showing very large print text of a brand
new book.

Voiceover: "<Insert name of device>: making everything available in large print."

And for the late-night irreverend version, the following addition can be made:

The Grandad can be seen taking out his device, and checking the room is empty. With a smile, he turns it on and a particularly raunchy cover appears of what is doubtlessly a bonkbuster.

Voiceover: "<insert name of device>: For Grandad who likes smut and can't focus."

With apologies to Victoria Wood and the J.R. Hartley Yellow Pages advert.

desertgrandma · 12-11-2008, 03:53 PM

"bonkbuster"

Oh goodie, a new word for my vocabulary.

Now, how do I work it into a casual conversation?

LazyScot · 12-11-2008, 04:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LazyScot

"The counsel for the complainant immediately moved for the case to be found in favour of the complainant due to "blatant and unacceptable jury nobbling". The case is adjourned while the judge considers the move."

Newsreader: "The ongoing Kindle advertising case continues to shock and to break new legal ground. Earlier today, the judge ruled that the trial could proceed with a reduced number of jurors. Further, it was ruled that there was no evidence of an attempt to corrupt the legal process. However, the judge warned all the jurors under threat of immediate dismissal and contempt of court proceedings that they must concentrate on the trial and are not to do or use anything that was liable to distract them for the case.

Sadly, it appears the judge did not follow their own advice."

VT: scene in the court-room. The complainant's counsel is standing up and speaking very loudly at the judge who is looking down at his desk.

"I said, I object. That question is totally without merit or relevance." bellowed the red faced complainant's counsel.

"Shhhhh... I want to see if Hugo and Lefty can save VR, Harv and Vera." replied the clearly distracted judge.

"WHAT??" bellowed the complainant's counsel going ever redder.

"Wha--- Oh." said the judge looking up and realising where he was, and lifting up one of the Kindles that formed part of the trial evidence..

Newsreader. "The judge then ruled that, by his own judgement he had to be dismissed and held in contempt. He simultaneously adjourned the court and dismissed himself. At this point it is unclear if the case can continue."

zelda_pinwheel · 12-11-2008, 04:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LazyScot

"Shhhhh... I want to see if Hugo and Lefty can save VR, Harv and Vera." replied the clearly distracted judge.

you can hardly blame him though ; that story is riveting.

Steven Lyle Jordan · 12-12-2008, 11:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by desertgrandma

"bonkbuster"

Oh goodie, a new word for my vocabulary.

Now, how do I work it into a casual conversation?

"She said she's a virgin, but I know for a fact that bonkbuster."

Hmm, maybe too crude...

"She was a wild bronc, before bonkbuster."

Yeah. Go with that.

Steven Lyle Jordan · 12-23-2008, 04:18 PM

Inspired by the NYT article from this thread, and the use of the word "fetishistic" to describe print book lovers:

A bookworm is seen up-close, lying in bed, caressing and admiring a printed book while half-asleep. In quick cuts, he/she is seen in a dreamlike trance, mumbling things like: "It's warm!" "It's familiar!" "Feel the texture!" "It makes me look literary!"...

Suddenly a hand appears from the side, pulls the book out of their hand, and thrusts an e-book reader into it.

With still-closed eyes, the person holds the reader strangely at first. Then they take a big sniff of the reader... and their eyes pop open. Now, they are fully awake, touching it and saying things like: "It's sleek!" "It holds my entire library!" "It's modern!" "It's green!" "It makes me look cool!"

As the camera pulls back, the voiceover announces: "[e-book reader brand here]. Wake up and smell the 21st century."

12-11-2008, 12:46 PM	#66
Steven Lyle Jordan Grand Sorcerer Posts: 8,478 Karma: 5171130 Join Date: Jan 2006 Device: none	Oohh... oohh! Got a good one!... Scene: A closeup of a bloody hand, desperately gripping a dog-eared book with a ratty-looking leather cover. A voice, mimicking Charlton Heston, is shouting: "Soylent white is TREES! Ya gotta tell them... tell everyone..." Caption: "E-books aren't made from dead anything." Last edited by Steven Lyle Jordan; 12-11-2008 at 12:48 PM.

12-11-2008, 01:18 PM	#67
vivaldirules When's Doughnut Day? Posts: 10,059 Karma: 13675475 Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Houston, TX, US Device: Sony PRS-505, iPad	Scene: A lovely tropical island (different one). The sound of waves gently falling onto the beech is evident and the faint whistling of someone approaching from the trees. A young man in a red shirt appears and, seeing something that had washed ashore, he runs to it and picks up the strange eink device. After a moment's pause he yells "Skipper! Professor!" and races off into the trees. Okay, maybe not. Last edited by vivaldirules; 12-11-2008 at 01:45 PM.

12-11-2008, 03:53 PM	#71
desertgrandma Enjoying the show.... Posts: 14,270 Karma: 10462841 Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Arizona Device: A K1, Kindle Paperwhite, an Ipod, IPad2, Iphone, an Ipad Mini & macAir	"bonkbuster" Oh goodie, a new word for my vocabulary. Now, how do I work it into a casual conversation? Last edited by desertgrandma; 12-11-2008 at 03:54 PM. Reason: spelling of "bonkbuster" hee hee hee

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12-10-2008, 08:50 AM	#62
pshrynk Beepbeep n beebeep, yeah! Posts: 11,726 Karma: 8255450 Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: La Crosse, Wisconsin, aka America's IceBox Device: iThingie, KmkII, I miss Zelda!	I thought it was a good excuse. Besides, those lawyers were boring.

12-10-2008, 09:23 AM	#64
Steven Lyle Jordan Grand Sorcerer Posts: 8,478 Karma: 5171130 Join Date: Jan 2006 Device: none	Scene: 3 space-suited astronauts are striding towards the gantry of their Space Shuttle prior to takeoff. One of them has a reader in his hand. Caption: "Taken wherever weight restrictions apply." ...hey, if someone uses these, do we get a cut?

12-10-2008, 09:30 AM	#65
Steven Lyle Jordan Grand Sorcerer Posts: 8,478 Karma: 5171130 Join Date: Jan 2006 Device: none	Scene: A lonely desert island. In the far background, the remains of an aircraft or boat are visible. One of two survivors, his clothes torn and tattered, sits forlornly on the beach, his head in his hand, clearly bored to tears. The other survivor, sitting next to him and looking similarly tattered, is happy as a clam reading an e-book on a reader. Caption: "Survival kit." Alternate caption: "Recommended by crash survivors everywhere." (I'll take 30% of the gross.)

12-11-2008, 02:54 PM	#69
Steven Lyle Jordan Grand Sorcerer Posts: 8,478 Karma: 5171130 Join Date: Jan 2006 Device: none	I like it! God, we need to use these somewhere!

12-11-2008, 03:50 PM	#70
LazyScot DSil Posts: 3,201 Karma: 6895096 Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Hants, UK Device: Kindle, Cybook	Scene: An ordinary living room. Sitting in an armchair, an elderly person turns over the last page of a large print book. As they read the last word, they sigh, and their adult child walks in. "Finished?" "Yes, " they reply sadly. "Can you see if the library has any more?" "I'll try, but they did say this was the last large print you hadn't read. Here, let me return it for you." Cut to: Library. The book is being returned, and the librarian is shaking their head. Cut to: Bookshop. After a short conversation, the owner sadly shakes their head as well, but suggesting something. Cut to: sitting room. "I'm sorry, the library doesn't have any new books for you, and even the bookshop can't get them. But.." and with that they pull out a lightweight <insert name of device>, clearly showing very large print text of a brand new book. Voiceover: "<Insert name of device>: making everything available in large print." And for the late-night irreverend version, the following addition can be made: The Grandad can be seen taking out his device, and checking the room is empty. With a smile, he turns it on and a particularly raunchy cover appears of what is doubtlessly a bonkbuster. Voiceover: "<insert name of device>: For Grandad who likes smut and can't focus." With apologies to Victoria Wood and the J.R. Hartley Yellow Pages advert.

12-23-2008, 04:18 PM	#75
Steven Lyle Jordan Grand Sorcerer Posts: 8,478 Karma: 5171130 Join Date: Jan 2006 Device: none	Inspired by the NYT article from this thread, and the use of the word "fetishistic" to describe print book lovers: A bookworm is seen up-close, lying in bed, caressing and admiring a printed book while half-asleep. In quick cuts, he/she is seen in a dreamlike trance, mumbling things like: "It's warm!" "It's familiar!" "Feel the texture!" "It makes me look literary!"... Suddenly a hand appears from the side, pulls the book out of their hand, and thrusts an e-book reader into it. With still-closed eyes, the person holds the reader strangely at first. Then they take a big sniff of the reader... and their eyes pop open. Now, they are fully awake, touching it and saying things like: "It's sleek!" "It holds my entire library!" "It's modern!" "It's green!" "It makes me look cool!" As the camera pulls back, the voiceover announces: "[e-book reader brand here]. Wake up and smell the 21st century."