Register Guidelines E-Books Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Go Back   MobileRead Forums > Miscellaneous > Lounge

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 02-16-2009, 11:37 PM   #106
RWood
Technogeezer
RWood ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.RWood ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.RWood ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.RWood ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.RWood ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.RWood ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.RWood ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.RWood ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.RWood ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.RWood ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.RWood ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
RWood's Avatar
 
Posts: 7,233
Karma: 1601464
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Virginia, USA
Device: Sony PRS-500
A pun is still the lowest form of humor, even if you did think of it first.
RWood is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-17-2009, 02:38 AM   #107
Over
Wizard
Over ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Over ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Over ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Over ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Over ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Over ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Over ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Over ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Over ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Over ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Over ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
Over's Avatar
 
Posts: 1,462
Karma: 6061516
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Cascais, Portugal
Device: Kindle PW, Samsung Galaxy Note Pro 12.2", OnePlus 6
- Father, forgive me because I have sinned.
- What did you do, son?
- Last night I had a few drinks. I was walking on the street and got hungry. I was drunk, I remember I've assaulted a chicken den to catch a chicken to eat. But now I don't remember who I assaulted, not even what I did to the chicken, I was really drunk! I can't say I'm sorry or repay the owner because I don't know who he was.
- Hummm... You will do the following. You'll give 50$ to the first person you see when you get out of the church. Then you will be forgiven.
- Thank you, father.

The man walks out of the church and the first person he sees is an attractive woman.
- Here's 50$, ma'am. Take it, please.
- Nope. I want 100$.
- But the priest said 50$!
- Oh, but he's an old client...

Over is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-21-2009, 12:04 PM   #108
desertgrandma
Enjoying the show....
desertgrandma ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.desertgrandma ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.desertgrandma ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.desertgrandma ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.desertgrandma ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.desertgrandma ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.desertgrandma ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.desertgrandma ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.desertgrandma ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.desertgrandma ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.desertgrandma ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
desertgrandma's Avatar
 
Posts: 14,270
Karma: 10462841
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Arizona
Device: A K1, Kindle Paperwhite, an Ipod, IPad2, Iphone, an Ipad Mini & macAir
I don't care who you are, this is funny!

The spoon:

A lesson on how consultants can make a difference in an organization.

Last week, we took some friends to a new restaurant, 'Steve's Place,' and
noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt
pocket.
It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and utensils,
I observed that he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket.
Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their
pockets. When the waiter came back to serve our soup I inquired, 'Why the
spoon?'

'Well, 'he explained, 'the restaurant's owner hired Andersen Consulting to
revamp all of our processes. After several months of analysis, they
concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It
represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons
per table per hour.

If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips
back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.'

As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he replaced it with his
spare. 'I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of
making an extra trip to get it right now.' I was impressed.

I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly.

Looking around, I saw that all of the waiters had the same string hanging
from their flies. So, before he walked off, I asked the waiter, 'Excuse me,
but can you tell me why you have that string right there?'

'Oh, certainly!' Then he lowered his voice. 'Not everyone is so observant.
That consulting firm I mentioned also learned that we can save time in the
restroom. By tying t! his string to the tip of our you-know-what, we can
pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands,
shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39%.

I asked quietly, 'After you get it out, how do you put it back?'

'Well,' he whispered, 'I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon.'
desertgrandma is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-21-2009, 07:57 PM   #109
dreams
It's about the umbrella
dreams ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.dreams ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.dreams ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.dreams ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.dreams ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.dreams ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.dreams ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.dreams ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.dreams ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.dreams ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.dreams ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
dreams's Avatar
 
Posts: 25,112
Karma: 56250158
Join Date: Jan 2009
Device: Sony 505| K Fire | KK 3G+Wi-Fi | iPhone 3Gs |Vista 32-bit Hm Prem w/FF
Quote:
Originally Posted by desertgrandma View Post
That consulting firm I mentioned also learned that we can save time in the
restroom. By tying this string to the tip of our you-know-what, we can
pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands,
shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39%.

I asked quietly, 'After you get it out, how do you put it back?'

'Well,' he whispered, 'I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon.'
OMG I just lost half my Starbucks Mocha all over myself!
dreams is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-21-2009, 07:59 PM   #110
desertgrandma
Enjoying the show....
desertgrandma ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.desertgrandma ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.desertgrandma ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.desertgrandma ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.desertgrandma ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.desertgrandma ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.desertgrandma ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.desertgrandma ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.desertgrandma ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.desertgrandma ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.desertgrandma ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
desertgrandma's Avatar
 
Posts: 14,270
Karma: 10462841
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Arizona
Device: A K1, Kindle Paperwhite, an Ipod, IPad2, Iphone, an Ipad Mini & macAir
Quote:
Originally Posted by dreams View Post
OMG I just lost half my Starbucks Mocha all over myself!

Then my good deed for the day is done......
desertgrandma is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-21-2009, 08:12 PM   #111
dreams
It's about the umbrella
dreams ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.dreams ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.dreams ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.dreams ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.dreams ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.dreams ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.dreams ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.dreams ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.dreams ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.dreams ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.dreams ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
dreams's Avatar
 
Posts: 25,112
Karma: 56250158
Join Date: Jan 2009
Device: Sony 505| K Fire | KK 3G+Wi-Fi | iPhone 3Gs |Vista 32-bit Hm Prem w/FF
OK, couch cleaned now... sitting on a towel to continue checking the threads.. will stay away from THIS one for a while
dreams is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-22-2009, 12:38 AM   #112
nohmi2
Pensively observing.
nohmi2 ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.nohmi2 ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.nohmi2 ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.nohmi2 ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.nohmi2 ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.nohmi2 ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.nohmi2 ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.nohmi2 ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.nohmi2 ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.nohmi2 ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.nohmi2 ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
nohmi2's Avatar
 
Posts: 1,758
Karma: 12675456
Join Date: Jun 2008
Device: Varied.
The Humorous Tale Of A Rabbi Temp

A priest was called away for an emergency. Not wanting to leave the confessional unattended, he called his rabbi friend from across the street and asked him to cover for him. The rabbi told him he wouldn't know what to say, but the priest told him to come on over and he'd stay with him for a little bit and show him what to do. The rabbi comes and he and the priest are in the confessional.

A few minutes later a woman comes in and says "Father forgive me for I have sinned." The priest asks "What did you do?". The woman says "I committed adultery."
Priest: "How many times?"
Woman: "Three times."
Priest: "Say two Hail Mary's, put $5 in the box and go and sin no more."

A few minutes later a man enters the confessional. He says "Father forgive me for I have sinned."
Priest: "What did you do?"
Man: "I committed adultery."
Priest:"How many times?"
Man: "Three times."
Priest: "Say two Hail Mary's put $5 in the box and go and sin no more."

The rabbi tells the priest that he thinks he's got it so the priest leaves.

A few minutes later another woman enters and says "Father forgive me for I have sinned."
Rabbi: "What did you do?"
Woman: "I committed adultery."
Rabbi: "How many times?"
Woman: "Once."
Rabbi: "Go do it two more times. We have a special this week, three for $5."
nohmi2 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-22-2009, 04:14 PM   #113
nohmi2
Pensively observing.
nohmi2 ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.nohmi2 ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.nohmi2 ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.nohmi2 ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.nohmi2 ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.nohmi2 ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.nohmi2 ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.nohmi2 ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.nohmi2 ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.nohmi2 ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.nohmi2 ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
nohmi2's Avatar
 
Posts: 1,758
Karma: 12675456
Join Date: Jun 2008
Device: Varied.
Quote:
Originally Posted by desertgrandma View Post
The spoon:

A lesson on how consultants can make a difference in an organization.

Last week, we took some friends to a new restaurant, 'Steve's Place,' and
noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt
pocket.
It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and utensils,
I observed that he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket.
Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their
pockets. When the waiter came back to serve our soup I inquired, 'Why the
spoon?'

'Well, 'he explained, 'the restaurant's owner hired Andersen Consulting to
revamp all of our processes. After several months of analysis, they
concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It
represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons
per table per hour.

If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips
back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.'

As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he replaced it with his
spare. 'I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of
making an extra trip to get it right now.' I was impressed.

I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly.

Looking around, I saw that all of the waiters had the same string hanging
from their flies. So, before he walked off, I asked the waiter, 'Excuse me,
but can you tell me why you have that string right there?'

'Oh, certainly!' Then he lowered his voice. 'Not everyone is so observant.
That consulting firm I mentioned also learned that we can save time in the
restroom. By tying t! his string to the tip of our you-know-what, we can
pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands,
shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39%.

I asked quietly, 'After you get it out, how do you put it back?'

'Well,' he whispered, 'I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon.'
Omigawd!!! I will never ever look at a waiter again holding a spoon without looking the for "stringy thingy" !!!
nohmi2 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-22-2009, 04:19 PM   #114
desertgrandma
Enjoying the show....
desertgrandma ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.desertgrandma ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.desertgrandma ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.desertgrandma ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.desertgrandma ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.desertgrandma ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.desertgrandma ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.desertgrandma ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.desertgrandma ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.desertgrandma ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.desertgrandma ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
desertgrandma's Avatar
 
Posts: 14,270
Karma: 10462841
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Arizona
Device: A K1, Kindle Paperwhite, an Ipod, IPad2, Iphone, an Ipad Mini & macAir
Quote:
Originally Posted by nohmi2 View Post
Omigawd!!! I will never ever look at a waiter again holding a spoon without looking the for "stringy thingy" !!!
Wait. Are you saying every time you walk into a restaurant with spoons, you will be looking at the waiters crotches???


MOD ALERT!!!!
desertgrandma is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-22-2009, 04:47 PM   #115
nohmi2
Pensively observing.
nohmi2 ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.nohmi2 ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.nohmi2 ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.nohmi2 ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.nohmi2 ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.nohmi2 ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.nohmi2 ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.nohmi2 ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.nohmi2 ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.nohmi2 ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.nohmi2 ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
nohmi2's Avatar
 
Posts: 1,758
Karma: 12675456
Join Date: Jun 2008
Device: Varied.
Quote:
Originally Posted by desertgrandma View Post
Wait. Are you saying every time you walk into a restaurant with spoons, you will be looking at the waiters crotches???


MOD ALERT!!!!
Of course I do. Don't you???
nohmi2 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-22-2009, 04:50 PM   #116
desertgrandma
Enjoying the show....
desertgrandma ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.desertgrandma ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.desertgrandma ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.desertgrandma ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.desertgrandma ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.desertgrandma ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.desertgrandma ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.desertgrandma ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.desertgrandma ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.desertgrandma ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.desertgrandma ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
desertgrandma's Avatar
 
Posts: 14,270
Karma: 10462841
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Arizona
Device: A K1, Kindle Paperwhite, an Ipod, IPad2, Iphone, an Ipad Mini & macAir
Quote:
Originally Posted by nohmi2 View Post
Of course I do. Don't you???
dang nosy Aussie!
desertgrandma is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-22-2009, 04:59 PM   #117
nohmi2
Pensively observing.
nohmi2 ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.nohmi2 ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.nohmi2 ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.nohmi2 ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.nohmi2 ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.nohmi2 ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.nohmi2 ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.nohmi2 ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.nohmi2 ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.nohmi2 ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.nohmi2 ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
nohmi2's Avatar
 
Posts: 1,758
Karma: 12675456
Join Date: Jun 2008
Device: Varied.
Quote:
Originally Posted by desertgrandma View Post
dang nosy Aussie!
It's the nature of the beast.
nohmi2 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-22-2009, 05:49 PM   #118
pshrynk
Beepbeep n beebeep, yeah!
pshrynk ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.pshrynk ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.pshrynk ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.pshrynk ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.pshrynk ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.pshrynk ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.pshrynk ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.pshrynk ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.pshrynk ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.pshrynk ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.pshrynk ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
pshrynk's Avatar
 
Posts: 11,726
Karma: 8255450
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: La Crosse, Wisconsin, aka America's IceBox
Device: iThingie, KmkII, I miss Zelda!
Quote:
Originally Posted by desertgrandma View Post
Wait. Are you saying every time you walk into a restaurant with spoons, you will be looking at the waiters crotches???


MOD ALERT!!!!
What? You were the one who started it!
pshrynk is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-22-2009, 05:50 PM   #119
desertgrandma
Enjoying the show....
desertgrandma ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.desertgrandma ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.desertgrandma ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.desertgrandma ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.desertgrandma ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.desertgrandma ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.desertgrandma ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.desertgrandma ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.desertgrandma ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.desertgrandma ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.desertgrandma ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
desertgrandma's Avatar
 
Posts: 14,270
Karma: 10462841
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Arizona
Device: A K1, Kindle Paperwhite, an Ipod, IPad2, Iphone, an Ipad Mini & macAir
Quote:
Originally Posted by pshrynk View Post
What? You were the one who started it!

'sigh. Once again, the old broad gets the shaft.

Wait. thats not what I meant!
desertgrandma is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-23-2009, 08:31 PM   #120
Spartacus2112
Evangelist
Spartacus2112 can extract oil from cheeseSpartacus2112 can extract oil from cheeseSpartacus2112 can extract oil from cheeseSpartacus2112 can extract oil from cheeseSpartacus2112 can extract oil from cheeseSpartacus2112 can extract oil from cheeseSpartacus2112 can extract oil from cheeseSpartacus2112 can extract oil from cheeseSpartacus2112 can extract oil from cheese
 
Spartacus2112's Avatar
 
Posts: 468
Karma: 1147
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Lawn Giland
Device: Kindle 3 Wifi
Just received this one.....
A man boarded an airplane and took his seat.
As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman Boarding
the plane.
He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat. As fate Would
have it, she took the seat right beside his.
Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, "Business trip or
pleasure?"
She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual
Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston.
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever Seen sitting
next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs.
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your Business
role at this convention?"
"Lecturer," she responded. "I use information that I have learned From my
personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."
"Really?" he said. "And what kind of myths are there?"
"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are
the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American
Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.
Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers when actually it
is men of Jewish descent who are the best.
I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best Stamina is
the Southern Redneck."
Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry,"
she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don't
even know your name."
"Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba."

Last edited by Spartacus2112; 02-23-2009 at 08:31 PM. Reason: Caption
Spartacus2112 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Add from the Mobile Read Library? danwdoo Calibre 8 12-03-2014 06:03 PM
Good Day Eh!! :-) Gedvondur Introduce Yourself 12 07-22-2010 12:16 AM
Classic Is there a way to lighten the background? rlsamson Barnes & Noble NOOK 3 06-30-2010 04:56 PM
Read-in-Microsoft-Reader 1.1.3 add-in released Alexander Turcic Reading and Management 2 02-20-2006 03:47 AM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 06:25 AM.


MobileRead.com is a privately owned, operated and funded community.