Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 443

Stitchawl · 06-14-2013, 08:53 PM

If your cat had narcolepsy, how would you ever know?

Stitchawl

orlok · 06-15-2013, 07:39 AM

Fbone · 06-15-2013, 02:21 PM

If you watch Jaws backwards, it’s about a shark who throws up so many people, they have to open a beach.

samhy · 06-15-2013, 03:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by orlok

Can't give you karma for that one, but I wanted to

Lynx-lynx · 06-16-2013, 05:15 AM

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING, SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD? WELL......YOU'LL LOVE THIS ONE!

MY NAME IS ALICE SMITH AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST. I NOTICED HIS DENTAL DIPLOMA, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME.

SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY SECONDARY SCHOOL CLASS SOME 30-ODD YEARS AGO.

COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN?

UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT.

THIS BALDING, GREY HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS FAR TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE. AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK SECONDARY SCHOOL .

'YES, YES I DID. I'M A MORGANNER! 'HE BEAMED WITH PRIDE.

'WHEN DID YOU LEAVE TO GO TO COLLEGE?' I ASKED

HE ANSWERED, IN 1965.. WHY DO YOU ASK?

'YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!' I EXCLAIMED.

HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY.

THEN THE UGLY,

OLD,

BALD,

WRINKLED,

FAT ARSED,

GREY HAIRED,

DECREPIT,

BASTARD

ASKED..

'WHAT DID YOU TEACH?'

Fbone · 06-16-2013, 04:17 PM

I do ten sit ups every morning. It might not sound like much but there are only so many times you can hit the snooze button.

orlok · 06-17-2013, 05:06 AM

Fbone · 06-17-2013, 04:21 PM

“Dad, are bugs good to eat?” asked the boy.

“Let’s not talk about such things at the dinner table, son,” his father replied.

After dinner the father inquired, “Now, son, what did you want to ask me?”

“Oh, nothing,” the boy said. “There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone.”

Fbone · 06-18-2013, 01:16 PM

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: - "No good in a bed, but fine against a wall."
- Eleanor Roosevelt

HomeInMyShoes · 06-18-2013, 03:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by samhy

Can't give you karma for that one, but I wanted to

Neither can I. That's just a great one.

Fbone · 06-19-2013, 12:48 PM

I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

badgoodDeb · 06-19-2013, 03:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by orlok

Any further context to this one? I'm missing the point ...
Plus, this town is only 30 miles or so from me, so I'm curious what the article was about!

badgoodDeb · 06-19-2013, 03:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by orlok

"Grab a plate and throw it on the floor."
"Okay, done."
"Did it break?"
"Yes."
"Now say sorry to it."
"Sorry."
"Did it go back to how it was before?"
"No."
"Now do you understand?"

Not funny, precisely, but PERFECT to describe a bad relationship!

WT Sharpe · 06-19-2013, 08:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by badgoodDeb

Any further context to this one? I'm missing the point ...
Plus, this town is only 30 miles or so from me, so I'm curious what the article was about!

Someone cut and pasted this article into that newspaper then photographed it for your viewing pleasure.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/new...d-6-day,29588/

You have now joined the increasing number of people who have been taken in by The Onion!

yvanleterrible · 06-20-2013, 06:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WT Sharpe

Someone cut and pasted this article into that newspaper then photographed it for your viewing pleasure.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/new...d-6-day,29588/

You have now joined the increasing number of people who have been taken in by The Onion!

I'd like to hug the author of this article. Perceptiveness is a curse. Or course his shrink would prescribe him some anti depressant but it's hugs he needs...

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06-14-2013, 08:53 PM	#6631
Stitchawl Opsimath Posts: 12,344 Karma: 187123287 Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Chiang Mai, Northern Thailand Device: Sony PRS-650, iPhone 5, Kobo Glo, Sony PRS-350, iPad, Samsung Galaxy	If your cat had narcolepsy, how would you ever know? Stitchawl

06-15-2013, 07:39 AM	#6632
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"

06-15-2013, 02:21 PM	#6633
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	If you watch Jaws backwards, it’s about a shark who throws up so many people, they have to open a beach.

06-16-2013, 05:15 AM	#6635
Lynx-lynx Treachery of images ... Posts: 4,069 Karma: 91561091 Join Date: May 2012 Location: Australia Device: Blackberry Playbook, Sony 650, Kobo Glo, H2O, Aura One, Forma, Libra 2	HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING, SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD? WELL......YOU'LL LOVE THIS ONE! MY NAME IS ALICE SMITH AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST. I NOTICED HIS DENTAL DIPLOMA, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME. SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY SECONDARY SCHOOL CLASS SOME 30-ODD YEARS AGO. COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN? UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT. THIS BALDING, GREY HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS FAR TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE. AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK SECONDARY SCHOOL . 'YES, YES I DID. I'M A MORGANNER! 'HE BEAMED WITH PRIDE. 'WHEN DID YOU LEAVE TO GO TO COLLEGE?' I ASKED HE ANSWERED, IN 1965.. WHY DO YOU ASK? 'YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!' I EXCLAIMED. HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY. THEN THE UGLY, OLD, BALD, WRINKLED, FAT ARSED, GREY HAIRED, DECREPIT, BASTARD ASKED.. 'WHAT DID YOU TEACH?'

06-16-2013, 04:17 PM	#6636
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	I do ten sit ups every morning. It might not sound like much but there are only so many times you can hit the snooze button.

06-17-2013, 05:06 AM	#6637
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"

06-17-2013, 04:21 PM	#6638
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	“Dad, are bugs good to eat?” asked the boy. “Let’s not talk about such things at the dinner table, son,” his father replied. After dinner the father inquired, “Now, son, what did you want to ask me?” “Oh, nothing,” the boy said. “There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone.”

06-18-2013, 01:16 PM	#6639
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: - "No good in a bed, but fine against a wall." - Eleanor Roosevelt

06-19-2013, 12:48 PM	#6641
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. - Zsa Zsa Gabor