Silliness Terrible Jokes - Page 3

DNSB · 06-07-2023, 09:09 PM

You’re poaching all my best yolks!

ownedbycats · 06-08-2023, 12:02 AM

A circus performer is pulled over for having a broken light, and the police officer asks about the collection of knives in the backseat.

"They're for my juggling act, sir," the performer says.

The officer asks him to prove it, so the performer gets out of the car and starts juggling knives.

Just then, two people pass by. "Wow," one of them says. "I'm glad I stopped drinking. These new sobriety tests are hard."

DNSB · 06-08-2023, 01:17 PM

Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account? They were Prime mates.

ownedbycats · 06-08-2023, 03:10 PM

A chemist froze himself to -273.15 °C. Everyone said he was crazy. I said he was 0K.

DNSB · 06-08-2023, 06:01 PM

A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline. His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him, “You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.”

The frog is thrilled! “This is great! Will I meet her at a party?”

“No,” says his advisor, “in her biology class.”

ownedbycats · 06-09-2023, 03:48 PM

How did the Redguard blacksmith break his foot?

His Hammerfell.

ownedbycats · 06-12-2023, 07:18 PM

How do you throw a party on Mars?

First you have to planet.

DNSB · 06-13-2023, 12:24 AM

Q. What is the biggest lie in the entire universe?
A. "I have read and agree to the Terms & Conditions."

ownedbycats · 06-13-2023, 01:53 AM

Have you heard of the new band called 999 Megabytes? They still haven't gotten a gig.

DNSB · 06-13-2023, 03:02 PM

“Your mother has been with us for 20 years,” said John. “Isn’t it time she got a place of her own?”

“My mother?” replied Helen. “I thought she was your mother.”

ownedbycats · 06-15-2023, 08:34 PM

What do you call a cat wrapped in a tortilla?

A purr-ito.

DNSB · 06-15-2023, 11:01 PM

A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents. They’re appalled by his haircut, his tattoos, his piercings.

Later, the girl’s mom says, “Dear, he doesn’t seem to be a very nice boy.”

“Oh, please, Mom!” says the daughter. “If he wasn’t nice, would he be doing 500 hours of community service?”

ownedbycats · 06-15-2023, 11:16 PM

A snake walks into a bar.

The bartender says "how'd you do that?"

ownedbycats · 06-16-2023, 01:57 AM

How do you generate a random string?

Put a Windows user in front of vi, and tell them to exit.

poohbear_nc · 06-16-2023, 09:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ownedbycats

How do you generate a random string?

Put a Windows user in front of vi, and tell them to exit.

I loved using vi - probably still remember most of the command abbreviations!

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06-07-2023, 09:09 PM	#31
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 35,464 Karma: 145525534 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Forma, Clara HD, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	You’re poaching all my best yolks!

06-08-2023, 12:02 AM	#32
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 8,639 Karma: 61234567 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	A circus performer is pulled over for having a broken light, and the police officer asks about the collection of knives in the backseat. "They're for my juggling act, sir," the performer says. The officer asks him to prove it, so the performer gets out of the car and starts juggling knives. Just then, two people pass by. "Wow," one of them says. "I'm glad I stopped drinking. These new sobriety tests are hard."

06-08-2023, 01:17 PM	#33
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 35,464 Karma: 145525534 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Forma, Clara HD, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account? They were Prime mates.

06-08-2023, 03:10 PM	#34
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 8,639 Karma: 61234567 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	A chemist froze himself to -273.15 °C. Everyone said he was crazy. I said he was 0K.

06-08-2023, 06:01 PM	#35
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 35,464 Karma: 145525534 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Forma, Clara HD, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline. His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him, “You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.” The frog is thrilled! “This is great! Will I meet her at a party?” “No,” says his advisor, “in her biology class.”

06-09-2023, 03:48 PM	#36
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 8,639 Karma: 61234567 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	How did the Redguard blacksmith break his foot? His Hammerfell.

06-12-2023, 07:18 PM	#37
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 8,639 Karma: 61234567 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	How do you throw a party on Mars? First you have to planet.

06-13-2023, 12:24 AM	#38
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 35,464 Karma: 145525534 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Forma, Clara HD, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	Q. What is the biggest lie in the entire universe? A. "I have read and agree to the Terms & Conditions."

06-13-2023, 01:53 AM	#39
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 8,639 Karma: 61234567 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	Have you heard of the new band called 999 Megabytes? They still haven't gotten a gig.

06-13-2023, 03:02 PM	#40
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 35,464 Karma: 145525534 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Forma, Clara HD, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	“Your mother has been with us for 20 years,” said John. “Isn’t it time she got a place of her own?” “My mother?” replied Helen. “I thought she was your mother.”

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06-15-2023, 08:34 PM	#41
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 8,639 Karma: 61234567 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	What do you call a cat wrapped in a tortilla? A purr-ito.

06-15-2023, 11:01 PM	#42
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 35,464 Karma: 145525534 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Forma, Clara HD, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents. They’re appalled by his haircut, his tattoos, his piercings. Later, the girl’s mom says, “Dear, he doesn’t seem to be a very nice boy.” “Oh, please, Mom!” says the daughter. “If he wasn’t nice, would he be doing 500 hours of community service?”

06-15-2023, 11:16 PM	#43
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 8,639 Karma: 61234567 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	A snake walks into a bar. The bartender says "how'd you do that?"

06-16-2023, 01:57 AM	#44
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 8,639 Karma: 61234567 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	How do you generate a random string? Put a Windows user in front of vi, and tell them to exit.