01-25-2013, 10:30 PM | #5971 |
Wizard
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Booci is not the same game as Lawn bowls,doesn't use he same equipment either and not nearly as popular as lawn bowls in Oz.
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01-25-2013, 11:56 PM | #5972 |
Is that a sandwich?
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A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking about with a fly swatter.
"What are you doing?" she asked. "Hunting flies," He responded. "Oh, killing any?" She asked. "Yep, three males, two females," he replied. Intrigued, she asked, "How can you tell?" He responded, "Three were on a beer can, two were on the phone." |
01-26-2013, 01:31 AM | #5973 | |
Grand Sorcerer
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Quote:
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01-26-2013, 08:22 AM | #5974 |
Nameless Being
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01-27-2013, 06:13 PM | #5975 |
Close to the Edit!
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I was with my wife in a restaurant last night, when suddenly from the next table a woman started to moan, "Oh. Oh. Oh God!"
Then it became louder, "Ohh. Ohh God. Oh." "I've seen this before in When Harry Met Sally," remarked my wife, before stopping a waiter. "I'll have what she's having," she giggled. "I think it's a heart attack," panicked the waiter. Last edited by orlok; 01-27-2013 at 06:34 PM. |
01-27-2013, 06:13 PM | #5976 |
Is that a sandwich?
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Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman: "It's in the phone book." Man: "But I don't know your name." Woman: "That's in the phone book too." |
01-27-2013, 09:56 PM | #5977 | |
Reborn Paper User
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Either way she's given you the opportunity to walk away unscathed. Now and later... |
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01-27-2013, 11:14 PM | #5978 |
Guru
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Everything you need for a perfect Super Bowl bash:
Beer. You should have a lot of beer, in case the game is hideously boring. Call up your guests and ask what kind they prefer. If they say “light” beer, you should tell them they are no longer invited, because you are NOT going to have light beer if you want me to show up. Chips. This is the SUPER BOWL, baby. It demands dangerous potato chips, chips so full of harmful substances that they sometimes spontaneously burst into flames. Also, there is no need get all Martha Stewart-y and put chips into bowls. Each guest should have a bag so people don’t have to reach for the bowl, which can lead to exertion. No vegetables. Scientists believe vegetables are the result of something called “photosynthesis.” We do not know enough about this yet to risk ruining your Super Bowl party. A TV set. Not totally necessary, if you have enough beer. By Dave Barry. The humorist’s 40th book, Insane City, arrives Jan. 29. |
01-27-2013, 11:42 PM | #5979 |
Zealot
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An Arab Sheik was admitted to Hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his type of blood in case the need arose.
As the gentleman had a very rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally, so the call went out. Finally, a Scotsman was located who had the same blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab. The Arab sent the Scotsman, as appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW, diamonds & $100,000, happy that his surgery could now go ahead. A couple of months later, once again, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery. His doctor telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate his blood again. After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card and a box of Quality Street chocolates. The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate his previous kind gesture as he had anticipated. He phoned the Arab and asked him: "I thought you would be generous again, that you would give me a BMW, diamonds & money, but you only gave me a thank-you card and a box of Quality Street." To this the Arab replied: "Aye, laddie, but I now have Scottish blood in ma veins." |
01-28-2013, 05:47 PM | #5980 |
Is that a sandwich?
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“I lost my job as a cricket commentator for saying, ‘I don’t want to bore you with the details.’”
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01-28-2013, 07:01 PM | #5981 |
Illiterate
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01-29-2013, 05:24 AM | #5982 |
Close to the Edit!
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The joke is that cricket is so inherently boring/slow that the commentators have to go into minute detail about everything (including the type of cake Mrs Miggins baked and sent in) otherwise there'd be nothing to commentate about.
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01-29-2013, 08:10 AM | #5983 |
Basculocolpic
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I've been told that a game can last three days, is that true? Isn't there also something called 20/20 cricket?
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01-29-2013, 09:06 AM | #5984 | |
DSil
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But then, cricket was invented by the source of warm beer, the three volume novel and Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings of Greenbridge, Essex. |
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01-29-2013, 09:07 AM | #5985 |
Guru
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