Unutterably Silly 101 uses for a p-book

[pshrynk]

I'm noticing a trend...

[RWood]

96. Sell them
97. Give them to prisoners and other shut-ins
98. Get them wet so the ink runs and use them as ink blot tests

[Steven Lyle Jordan]

99. Use torn pages as "breadcrumbs" so you don't get lost;

and

100. Re-enact the sacking of the Library of Alexandria!

[JSWolf]

and the final 101. Move and leave them behind for the new owner(s) to deal with

[Steven Lyle Jordan]

Ha! Gotcha Jon!

[JSWolf]

Originally Posted by Steve Jordan

Ha! Gotcha Jon!

Sorry, but it's 101 uses, not 100. Gotcha back!

[RWood]

No you silly New Englander, it means that he understands the joke. We can count down here in the mid-Atlantic. People from Boston are not the only ones that can work number systems. Besides with the miscounts, double number utilization, and duplicates; who knows how many we really have. Maybe a few extra as a safety measure would be in order.

After all we never explored the possibility of slitting them, boiling them in salt water, serving them with sause, and calling them pasta.

[JSWolf]

Originally Posted by RWood

No you silly New Englander, it means that he understands the joke. We can count down here in the mid-Atlantic. People from Boston are not the only ones that can work number systems. Besides with the miscounts, double number utilization, and duplicates; who knows how many we really have. Maybe a few extra as a safety measure would be in order.

After all we never explored the possibility of slitting them, boiling them in salt water, serving them with sause, and calling them pasta.

Actually, I think I may possibly have sorted some of the dupes.

[GeoffC]

Originally Posted by JSWolf

Actually, I think I may possibly have sorted some of the dupes.

as in duplicates ? and not those of us who were tricked....

[JSWolf]

Actually, we've come up with 103 uses for pBooks....

1. Door stop
2. Administrator persuasive
3. Book-end holder
4. Emergency toilet paper (sorry but I was a big M*A*S*H fan)
5. Fold down the pages, then spray paint red for a lovely holiday bell decoration.
6. soak up wet spills.
7. Table leveler
8. Kindling for starting a fire
9. Fuel for bonfire
10. Protective wrap for your electronic reader (when you cut out the pages, see #8 and #9 above for use of removed pages)
11. A source of gambling income
12. Play Jenga with something that can hurt when it falls on you
13. Soak it in water and make paper mache pinatas
14. Run it through an office shredder and make mulch for your garden
15. use the pages to decorate your walls. after all, people are always saying how paper books are such beautiful objects.
16. Stop Bullets.
17. Cut out words for use in ransom notes
18. Camera level adjuster (in the absence of a tripod).
19. Isolation Chamber.
20. Hold down the corners of your map on the hood of the car while you curse, scratch your head, kick the car tire, and wonder where you are.
21. Intruder alert. Place stacked books (topped with something that makes a shattering/clattering sound when it smashes to the floor) strategically in front of a door.
22. Fallout Shelter
23. Armchair.
24 inches of books equals the required eight inches of protective steel for a fallout shelter... [and] will block out about 90% of the gamma radiation from a radioactive bomb
25. Purse - Remove the interior pages of one hardbound book. Insert fabric lining, attach handles, and add button closure.
26. A new house for the 4th Little Pig
27. For pressing leaves
28. Image: the right books project the right image and all that old fashioned stuff
29. Hiding place for dust bunnies
30. Weapon (Would you want to be hit over the head with an atlas?)
31. Swatting flies and other creepy crawlies
32. Filling up bookcases (of course)
33. Book toppling - Line the books up like dominoes, give the first book a tap, and watch them all fall down. Repeat as desired
34. Ammo
35. Paper cut scarification - the 'duelling scar' of the dedicated reader
36. For attaining good posture at Miss. Smith's finishing school
37. To hide rock hammers for use in escaping from prison
38. for reading when the book you want isn't out in your favourite format....
39. for artistic endeavours....
40. Build a wall. Useful when two kids share a bedroom room and the duct tape line on the floor isn't a sufficient divider
41. Build a maze. Books are easier to maintain. You won't need to hire a gardener to plant, water, and trim the hedges
42. Play table-tennis
43. The courtroom. You have to have a book to throw at people
44. Clamping caul for gluing loose kitchen chair rung
45. Overvalue them on your tax returns after you donate them to charity
44. Use them to provide the orbital counterbalance for your space elevator. (You may need more than one, unless your counterbalance is really, really long.)
45. Use them to get the ISBN number from so you can then go and complain why aren't these books eBooks?
46. Use them to put un a big pile and say that your to read pile is just too big
47. Read them when you are on a plane and you are on takeoff or landing since you have to turn off your eBook reader but you have to also have the same books as eBooks so you can continue on your reader
48. Put all kinds of incorrect highlights/notes in textbooks and sell them next year to kids who will get all the wrong answers
49. Give to a Skwerl to shred and make bedding with.
50. Give to a cat and shred for kitty liter.
51. Use 40 hard cover books and a 2x12 board and build a desk
52. Use pages for coffee filters when your in-laws visit
53. Redevelop your basement...trust me - stacks of books are easier than drywalling. Insulate better too
54. Use pages for coffee filters when your in-laws visit
55. redevelop your basement...trust me - stacks of books are easier than drywalling. Insulate better too
56. Soak up unexpected flash flood water. (Can be an effective filter of toxic runoff.)
57. Single volume encyclopedias and large dictionaries make good instant booster seats for visiting children, especially if your small-town phonebook is too thin to provide sufficient lift
58. Use as raw material to feed your scanner to produce ebooks you will actually read
59. Breeding ground for mold, dust mites, etc
60. Glue them together into a full size sculpture of a tree
61. A place to hide important things like IRS refund checks until they are stale dated or old love letters until the wife finds them. But they should be safe forever as no one reads pbooks any more
62. Use the pages to wallpaper the bathroom
63. dot all the ts and cross all the is
64. Weightlifting. You don't need no stinkin' trainer!
65. Weigh-down blow-up bookshelves
66. shred them and use the shredded books as confetti
67. Give them to a homeless person who can the build shelter
68. Donate them to the poor (those without a reader)
69. Donate them to Gen3 owners so they know what it's like to be able to turn pages
70. Give them to people with Kindles so they have something attractive to look at and read
71. Paper weight
72. Stand for an electronic reader (Stephen King's "The Stand" works the best)
73. Tie a string to them and fish for bookworms in front of the library
74. Gives them to Kindle & Gen3 owners so they get actual working page numbers
75. Throws them at book publisher yelling "It would not hurt as much if this was an eBook!"
76. Build a kite from the pages
77. Riffling through with your thumb so as to blow cool, kind of papery-smelling, air on your face on a hot day
78. Make into pinwheels
79. Give them to Sony owners so they can change fonts easily
80. Give them to Gen3 owners cause books actually work
81. Making stick figures you've drawn on the outside margins move like a cartoon when you fan the pages
82. Make a bookshelf
83. Shred them and use the shredded paper as cat litte
84. Line a budgie cage with them
85. Dog chew toy
86. Lots of paper planes and boats
87. Make papier mâché animals
88. Kids jokes. What's black and white and red (read) all over
89. Rolling paper for wacky tobacky
90. Build a pirate ship and sail the high seas
91. Find a vacant street corner... build a publishing house... sell e-books
92. Build a book light --> http://www.diynetwork.com/diy/ls_lam...268395,00.html
93. Put them in courtrooms. Who ever heard of "Put your hand on the Sony and repeat after me, 'I do solemnly swear that the testimony I am about to give ....'"
94. to drop on the floor & make a loud noise to wake up readers of ebooks before their reader goes to sleep
95. Recycle the pages and make more paper
96. Make origami version of Chinese Terra Cotta Army
97. Use them to build a store house to store all your book furniture, "book" shelves, book lamps, etc.
98. Sell them
99. Give them to prisoners and other shut-ins
100. Get them wet so the ink runs and use them as ink blot tests
101. Use torn pages as "breadcrumbs" so you don't get lost;
102. Re-enact the sacking of the Library of Alexandria!
103. Move and leave them behind for the new owner(s) to deal with

[GeoffC]

Wow ... brilliant suggestions....

[Barcey]

#80 is a duplicate of #77. My bad... Marc beat me to it.

Great minds think alike and small ones seldom differ but I like to think that Marc has a great mind. Go ahead call me biased.

Can MobileRead publish the list as an e-book on Amazon and then use the massive sales $ to buy chocolates for people at the MR meet ups?

[JSWolf]

Originally Posted by Barcey

#80 is a duplicate of #77. My bad... Marc beat me to it.

Great minds think alike and small ones seldom differ but I like to think that Marc has a great mind. Go ahead call me biased.

Can MobileRead publish the list as an e-book on Amazon and then use the massive sales $ to buy chocolates for people at the MR meet ups?

I've removed #80 and fixed the numbering.

[montsnmags]

Originally Posted by Barcey

...
Great minds think alike and small ones seldom differ but I like to think that Marc has a great mind. Go ahead call me biased.
...

You're biased.

Is that "Great" as in "Wall of China" and "Barrier Reef", or "great" as in "Depression" and "Balls of Fire"?



Cheers,
Marc (greating on people's nerves)

[Barcey]

Originally Posted by montsnmags

You're biased.

Is that "Great" as in "Wall of China" and "Barrier Reef", or "great" as in "Depression" and "Balls of Fire"?



Cheers,
Marc (greating on people's nerves)

Before I answered that question I would need to know
1) how old was your wife when you got married
2) were you related?

I don't think we need to go there.

Now I have Big Audio Dynamite's "BAD" playing in my head.

...Jerry Lee Lewis married a child bride
only 13 but he said he's justified
things are the things that drive me crazy...crazy...crazy...crazy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jy44Fm-CS04