The Neglected Genius of Science Fiction Writer Joe Slank

[Dr. Drib]

"Laundromat Aliens"


The plot of this incredible novel revolves around an alien invasion that takes place in a cornfield in Central Ohio. A group of aliens who resemble washers and dryers (apparently, a distinction based upon gender), descend en masse on Wilbur Hebble's farm.

Unfortunately, the aliens have forgotten to input additional information into their electrosensors concerning anomalous magneto-nano forces in order for them to be fully operational, so they linger in the cornfield all night, unable to attack Wilbur and his wife Bertha who remain undisturbed and oblivious during the invasion.

The couple’s bloodhound Sparky, however, starts sniffing around. Finding that all is quiet, Sparky marks his territory by urinating on the front of Zigsz, the leader of the invading force and coincidentally the largest washer in the cornfield.

After Sparky leaves, Zigsz applies polystyrene nanocomposites from Sparky’s urine and is then able to utilize dielectrophoresis in turning himself and the entire invading force “on.” Unfortunately, the resultant cacophony of 1,000 washers and dryers wakes Wilbur, who promptly rushes outside and fires a 10-gauge shotgun directly into Zigsz’s agitator and drum, instantly killing the alien. Leaderless, the alien force of washers and dryers come to a standstill, their drums quiet.

At this point, there is a break in the narrative and a new scene opens in a busy Mall where an employee of the newly opened megastore, Wilbur’s Hardware, is showing a prospective customer a new combo washer and dryer set.

This book, written by Joe Slank, remains unpublished to this day. I was fortunate in locating this typescript at a recent flea market in a small town in Ohio. I’m in the process of tracking down more of Slank’s work. I sincerely believe he may be the Greatest Unpublished Science Fiction Writer of All Time.

The hunt is now on. Just yesterday, based upon further inquiries at that same flea market where I found “Laundromat Aliens," I was able to discover the synopsis of an additional novel [whose title has yet to be discovered] – and here I feel it is imperative to point out that part of "Laundromat Aliens" was used in lining a litter box. Fortunately, I was able to retrieve all the pages, although much soiling had occurred on pages 238, 17, 279, 510, 32, and 728. Today, (in fact, a few moments ago), someone called my office and left this cryptic message on my answering machine. I transcribe it here in full:

“Slank, you say? I’ve got dozens of writings by this bum. What’ll you pay me?”

My life’s work is now in front of me, and I feel it is imperative that I leave MobileRead immediately so that I may investigate the full story of Joe Slank. I want to learn more about this neglected genius – his life, where he was born, did he hate cats. The world of science fiction needs to discover if he is still living and still writing. One can only hope that he has not left this world and continues churning out his large stories containing Big Ideas. Clearly, his mind is the work of a restless genius that refuses easy categorization.

If his other work is similar to this one, I feel that Science Fiction may be in for a rude awakening.


Sincerely,
Dr. Drib

[jeremy_ahn]

what about the neglected genius of jeremy ahn, bro?
i gets no props?