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Old 07-26-2016, 12:11 PM   #9301
Nate the great
Sir Penguin of Edinburgh
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Go away.
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Old 07-27-2016, 09:09 AM   #9302
drjd
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Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.

A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.

A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"

Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc - 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'''

The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur - be careful.'"
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Old 07-27-2016, 09:35 AM   #9303
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If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
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Old 07-27-2016, 10:23 AM   #9304
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Katsunami's mom and dad came over to his place for a quick meal of sushi.

Dad asked if he had a newspaper handy.

"This is the 21st century Dad," he said. "We don't waste money on newspapers.
Here, use my I Pad."

That fly never knew what hit him.

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Old 07-27-2016, 10:43 PM   #9305
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Old 07-27-2016, 11:02 PM   #9306
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Dad asked if he had a newspaper handy.

"This is the 21st century Dad," he said. "We don't waste money on newspapers.

Here, use my I Pad."
Along that line:

Mrs. Petrovich calls her son Ivan to the kitchen of thier Moscow apartment. "Yes, mama?" he says. Mama opens her purse and hands Ivan money.

"Here is 70 kopeks. Go the the newspaper kiosk. Get Isvestia for me, Pravda for your father, and Cosmonaya Pravda for yourself!"

"Yes, mama!", says Ivan, and scampers off to run the errand. One the way out the door of their building, he meets his father coming in.

"What are you doing?" asks papa.

"Mama gave me 70 kopeks and sent me to buy the newspapers."

"We don't need the newspapers", growls papa. "We have the radio!", and he grabs the 70 kopeks from Ivan and goes off to buy a shot of vodka.

Ivan returns empty handed, and tells his mother "I met papa on the way out. He said we don't need newspapers, we have the radio, and he took the money to buy vodka!"

Mama sighs and opens her purse again. "Here is 50 kopeks. Go to the newspaper kiosk, and get Isvestia for me, and Cosmonaya Pravda for yourself."

"But mama", says Ivan. "What about papa?"

"What about him!", replies mama. "Let him wipe with the radio!"
______
Dennis

Last edited by DMcCunney; Yesterday at 04:46 AM.
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Old Yesterday, 03:22 AM   #9307
drjd
Couch Potato
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"But mama", say Ivan. "What about papa?"

______
Dennis
OMG.. LOL ...
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Old Yesterday, 09:43 AM   #9308
Freeshadow
temp. out of service
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That is rather true history than a joke
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Old Today, 09:04 AM   #9309
orlok
Finish that damn book!
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Joe took two stuffed dogs to the Antiques Roadshow.

"Wow" said the Presenter "This is a very rare set of dogs produced by the celebrated John's Brothers, taxidermists who operated in London at the turn of the last Century."

"Do you have any idea what they would fetch if they were in good condition?"

"Sticks?"..... said Joe.
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Old Today, 07:21 PM   #9310
Bookpossum
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Sticks!

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