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Old 04-23-2010, 07:34 PM   #1
recluse
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Cashing In On Gas
I was watching TV the other day when I saw the stupidest invention ever.
Basically, it's a packet of activated charcoal that you attach to the back of your underwear which removes the smell when you fart!
I know! The nerve of some people!
What's the point of farting if you can't share the complete experience?
I have a better idea. Let's put the fun back into flatulence!

FART FRESH!

My breakthrough allows you to personalize your flatulence to fit any mood, any moment!
Choose from one of the following scents:
Pine
Lemon
Potpourri
Lavender
Wet Dog
Ham
Peppermint
Old Bait
Liverwurst
New Car
Cayenne (Outdoor use only. May cause burning sensation)
So remember:
When you gotta fart, FART FRESH!
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Old 04-23-2010, 08:06 PM   #2
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What, no Chanel No. 5?

(There is an anti-flatulence patent medicine called Bean-O....)
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Old 04-23-2010, 08:44 PM   #3
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That sounds like a Japanese idea. I saw one where they had special little bandaids to stop your nipples showing through your clothes.
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Old 04-23-2010, 09:09 PM   #4
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Old 04-23-2010, 10:10 PM   #5
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maybe is should try this out
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Old 04-23-2010, 11:04 PM   #6
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That sounds like a Japanese idea. I saw one where they had special little bandaids to stop your nipples showing through your clothes.
yep, I remember when the drops for the stinky toilet bowl were at every check out in the grocery store. toilet drops or something. It was Japanese also. I think they must be at the forefront of all things non-stinky!
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Old 04-24-2010, 01:40 AM   #7
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That sounds like a Japanese idea. I saw one where they had special little bandaids to stop your nipples showing through your clothes.
we can't bandaid ourselves without outside help?
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Old 04-24-2010, 02:19 AM   #8
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When did nipple status become an issue, anyway? I thought they were just a visual reminder, like those pop up things on chickens, to let you know you aren't dressed properly for the current temperature. And why would any sane person wear "Hello, Kitty" nipple bandaids anyway?
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Old 04-24-2010, 02:32 AM   #9
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If you had hairy nipples it would be an ouch moment when you rip them off.
Not that I would know not having any body hair at all. But I have heard about it.
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Old 04-24-2010, 02:43 AM   #10
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If you had hairy nipples it would be an ouch moment when you rip them off.
Not that I would know not having any body hair at all. But I have heard about it.
Maybe it can be an alternative to waxing... you know, dual purpose and all.
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Old 04-24-2010, 05:13 AM   #11
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I was watching TV the other day when I saw the stupidest invention ever.
Basically, it's a packet of activated charcoal that you attach to the back of your underwear which removes the smell when you fart!
I know! The nerve of some people!
What's the point of farting if you can't share the complete experience?
I have a better idea. Let's put the fun back into flatulence!

FART FRESH!

My breakthrough allows you to personalize your flatulence to fit any mood, any moment!
Choose from one of the following scents:
Pine
Lemon
Potpourri
Lavender
Wet Dog
Ham
Peppermint
Old Bait
Liverwurst
New Car
Cayenne (Outdoor use only. May cause burning sensation)
So remember:
When you gotta fart, FART FRESH!
It's not a new idea - the rich and influential have had them for years. How do I know? More than 30 years ago I did a three week residential "self-actualization by shaving old men and talking to the mentally deranged" type course that we call the Duke of Edinburgh City Challenge in the UK. Another participant was a young man who was later to become a well know Tory MP in the UK - most recently infamous for abusing his expenses, (he will remain nameless but just to get you guessing his grandfather was also a well-know Tory lord and the family name rhymes with fog!). Anyway, the point of all this is that this young Tory MP-to-be was using fart absorbers back then, and according to him, everyone in the aristocracy used them. Which presumably is why non-aristocrats smell but aristocrats don't. I'm glad to see such devices being democratized and made available to the masses.
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Old 04-24-2010, 05:22 AM   #12
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That sounds like a Japanese idea. I saw one where they had special little bandaids to stop your nipples showing through your clothes.
These are still sold in most drug stores and many sporting goods shops here. I think they should be outlawed... Puts a real damper on my day at the beach!

There are also bell systems in many public toilets, so if you are in dread fear of making bodily noises while seated, you can cover up the sound with a nice set of chimes. And then there is...
http://thechive.files.wordpress.com/...pg?w=500&h=325

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Old 04-24-2010, 06:28 AM   #13
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Because of Medical issues ACTIVATED CHARCOAL just wouldn't work for my FARTS ....

They are however thinking of using dis-used Coalmines to keep my Farts in ....

And back filling with alternate layers of 6ft thick Lead and Concrete ....

Wendie (Wife) says NOT a hope that will work ....

OH dear SORRY ....

I DROPPED another one !
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Old 04-24-2010, 11:49 AM   #14
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Then this is the product for you, my friend. Fart Fresh was tested on people whose flatulence has been classified "BioHazards". One test subject was so toxic, his farts were known to kill cockroaches!
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Old 04-24-2010, 02:05 PM   #15
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Then this is the product for you, my friend. Fart Fresh was tested on people whose flatulence has been classified "BioHazards". One test subject was so toxic, his farts were known to kill cockroaches!


Cockroaches are simple .... my farts KILL Solar Systems
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